Published on 12, July, 2020
Anyone else have this?
Where most look forward to ever more daylight, it's around now that I start to miss in advance the clear delineation between day and night. That first evening leaving work and it's still daylight depresses me profoundly in a way I can't quite explain. The aggressive insistence of Spring I suppose.
I'm really going to miss my 4.30 pm twilights, but I suppose if we had our personal favourite seasons (autumn/winter in my case) all year round we'd never appreciate them to the extent we do.
Anyone else understand/have this reversal of the more conventional form of SAD? It's not that I won't get *something* out of the warmer months of flourishing nature, but witnessing Spring's birthpains is like an assault on the senses. Daffodils kind of disgust me - they're so raw, the early shock troops of the season, forced out of the soil into cold harsh misery and screaming in pain. Crocuses too. Like the visual equivalent of being near chopped raw onions or something. Snowdrops at least look more pleasant and delicate, but they're so impertinently 'early' - can we just have winter for now please, thanks? Anyone get this, or am I just sounding insane?
Hey. I was actually told by my GP that she thought I had what sounded like reverse SAD before getting my autism diagnosis. I was lucky and had a really astute doctor who recognised the patterns of heightened anxiety, depression and burnout I got around this time of year and encouraged me to seek support when this occurred - medication, additional counselling, whatever the NHS could feasibly offer. One year, things being more catastrophic than usual, she started to piece together a few things and suggested a referral for an autism assessment, if I was keen. I've since invested in black out blinds for my flat and try to maintain some degree of winter darkness throughout the year in at least one room of my flat (there are two, if you don't count the bathroom!) so I can retreat when I need to. Last summer I lived with blackout blinds in both rooms for a number of weeks. I could still access sunlight if I wished, by going outside, but I had sensory managed space, when it became too much. It supported my recovery massively, following a previous meltdown, and is something I stand by. For many years I had people telling me, out of support, that they thought the blackout blinds were increasing my depression, so I kept taking them down and then things would escalate again. Having them up continually has been a game changer. I don't like light generally, tend to thrive in darker spaces, something that I guess is part of my autism sensory profile. Any way, the diagnosis helped me explore with others why I might become overwhelmed, exhausted and often ill during the summer and I reckon, both for myself and the folks around me, has made it all easier to understand and accept! I fully get that sinking depression you describe and I recognise it can be tricky - I often think people reckon I'm a contrary pain in the *** for not feeling the same joy they feel at the change of the clocks around spring. Instead, I feel a sense of calm on the first of September and tend to organise my holidays between then and February. The weather suits me better and the summer holiday crowds have dispersed so I get to enjoy my holiday destination without other people and generally see places more on their own terms. Anyway, nice to hear from someone else who finds this a strange, off-kilter season to navigate. There are some points where it can be fun, I agree, but up here in north Scotland we have around 20 hours of sun at the high point of summer, which can feel like a lot. It's the start of May and it's already at 17.5 hours, which is plenty! It brings out crowds and noise and, from a visual perspective, does odd things to the landscape and colours in a fairly incessant way. Autumn and winter provide a reasonable amount of rest between daylight and the comfort of dark. Anyway, ramble over, just thought I'd add my tuppence. Yes, Reverse SAD. I think there's more folks out there than we reckon! Maybe...?
Thanks so much for expressing so well and in such detail your own experience of this phenomenon. I also worry about that ‘seeing a contrarian’ factor, or people thinking that I don’t like anything about spring or summer. It’s more about having to navigate them carefully to get something out of them, but feeling freed up again by the onset of Autumn to not overthink the endless day or feel saturated into exhaustion by its relentlessly spreading diffuse borders. Having said that, the grimmest part of Spring -it’s harsh birth pains- have yielded to the mellower end, which helps albeit that there’s already a bit too little night for my personal liking. It’s a nice evening to look out at just now. Clear, not overly bright, the birds singing. So it’s pleasant enough and I deeply appreciate its beauty. But I’m an autumn and winter person at heart, I have an autumnal soul. As, it seems, do you