Routines vs connecting with others

I can relate to this a lot. I struggle a lot with digestive issues and food and I have a tendency to get stuck in routines and like you say it can make it really difficult to see people- eating socially is just not possible for me at the moment and at this point I don't really have the energy to see anyone and as I get stressed about it possibly disrupting routine. When I see people it is usually for a walk or to sit down together for tea/coffee. I think you need to be kind to yourself. Have you tried suggesting some alternatives (eg. going for a walk or a different meeting time outside meals or maybe a lunch together where you bring your own food if that would be an option for you)? Hopefully they can be understanding. I always worry about this too but my friends have accepted that meals with me at this point is just not feasible. I think if they are good friends they should be able to understand. 

A while ago a friend (though not someone I know so well) suggested lunch together and I said I would prefer to meet outside meal times and surprisingly she said she very much prefers that too but only suggested lunch as that is usually the socially acceptable thing to do. I had suggested coffee together as that seems to be the socially accepted non-mealtime thing to do but we then decided that actually a walk was really the best for both of us :). So who knows, maybe some of your friends would also prefer doing something together that doesn't involve food. 

I get really stuck to routines (especially with food) but unlike for you some of them end up having negative effects on my health and just make me very inflexible and stuck.... So I am trying to change them for my health ... but I always end up in a new routine anyways... I think if I found a routine that really worked for me I probably also wouldn't want to change it. 

It's hard but I am starting to learn that sometimes you have to put yourself first and prioritise your needs. I struggle with this as I have a tendency to want to please so that I can be accepted. But I think advocating your needs is really a good skill to have. So in my opinion it's perfectly reasonable to not compromise on what your friends are suggesting! 

It’s so wrong, it’s crippling.  I have memories of me suffering in primary school, running around the block to remove the stomach pains.  As for sleep,. I’ve been on mirtazapine since 2004 and I suffer if I forget to collect my pills.  I’m also 9st of pure muscle and I don’t workout :-/ 

Rarely upper abdominal pain. Basically my digestive system has run too fast since I was born. My autistic father has exactly the same thing. Neither of us have ever found any medical answer. Tests have confirmed I don't have celiac or inflammation.

I guess I could. I should focus my friendship efforts on people who don't work during the day.

Did you suffer stomach pains that the doctor can’t diagnose? Top left of stomach?  I’ve suffered with this for 30yrs and doctors hospital can’t find the problem 

I cut my diet back to white rice, salt, and tap water for a few days and then added other foods in one at a time while logging everything. I made small systematic changes and documented their effects for about a year and a half and as a result have managed to put together a nutritionally adequate daily diet that doesn't cause problems.

With sleep I just started going to bed when I felt tired rather than forcing myself to stay up until a socially acceptable bedtime.

No one finds my food acceptable. My body forces me to eat in unfashionable ways: vegetables boiled completely soft, high in simple starches, no spices. I wouldn't trust someone else not to take my instructions and then serve me a plate of half-raw veg that is going to go straight through me without digesting. If I serve them what I have they mock it, go on and on and on about how weird it is, and/or start suggesting improvements.

The problem with changing my routine as a one off is that it takes me the best part of a week to physically recover from the effects. E.g. if I stay up late, I feel like a zombie for several days afterwards, earn no income because I can't concentrate, and it feels like I've given away several days of my life for what is never worth it.

I kind of hate having people in my place, but I guess I could. Really I prefer to only see people at the groups I met them in, but I suppose you never get closer to people that way.

Yes. Tbh most of the people I've met in the last year are ND. They are good to be around - autistics are certainly easier to talk to than NTs once I figure out what their interests are. But our needs don't always align.

Hiya,.  Pains diet sleep,. How did you manage to find what works?  sorry to be blunt

I can understand that you have a solid routine that you feel works rather well for you. But, if you like this friend, and want to see them socially, then I don’t see why you couldn’t change your routine as a one off. Perhaps by cooking for them, or asking for your friend to cook the meal you prefer to eat? Failing that, just go out and do something else.

As for them suggesting medication, it sounds like they are just trying to offer help. Clearly they don’t understand your ways, and they are simply suggesting you try xyz, as that’s what they’ve heard might help. I wouldn’t take offence to it. They just don’t know any better.

I'd say make another suggestion when they ask.  For example, "I can't meet that late but maybe we could meet at 4pm?"  Or you could invite them to your house at a time that suits you.

Sure but at what cost to your own mental and physical health? 

I've been researching more into the double empathy problem and this seems like a classic example. Being more understood and less 'othered' could perhaps only come from connecting within the autistic community. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWUsnT1c_5I

Are there opportunities in your area to meet up with other autistic adults?

I guess I'd like to have a friend.

Could you suggest other activities like going for a walk so it doesn't involve food? What about if you had people to yours so it's more on your terms? 

If you've found a routine and diet that works for you why change it? I think it is unfair of these people to expect you to, when you've explained how it would be detrimental for you. They really don't get it and it sounds like they are expecting you to be less autistic.

Are you sure you want people in your life who pathologize and try to medicate you? 

I have the same issue. So I will be interested to see what the advice on this is. Thank you for posting.