Published on 12, July, 2020
I just revisited Jodie Smitten's excellent site and found this cluster of articles and info on school attendance - often an issue for parents and certainly an issue within my own family over at least 2 generations. Drilling down into the reasons can be quite emotional too. I was thinking at first that it might be more suitable for the Parents and Carers section but then, and especially after the school reports thread, I reconsidered. Reading through some of this, like thinking about my old school reports, set off quite a bit of reflection on my own schooling, much of which damaged or distorted me and influenced my behaviours for some considerable time. It's all still very much with me, in fact, like a voice in my head. I was always able to attend school myself, but I'm thinking now that the cost might have been too great. It also led to an awful lot of masking, some fairly negative behaviours and consequences for me, plus an almost neverending drive towards perfectionism and getting 10/10, no matter what I had to do to achieve it. :( And yes, although it can be a large "turning circle", I'm on to it now, with more insight, I think. :) If you feel OK to share here, how do you all feel about all of this? www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/school-attendance
I went to boarding school from 1965-1975. First a prep school in Sussex, and then Felsted public school in Essex. There was some bantering/teasing at prep school , but public school was far worse. I was subjected to severe verbal bullying. I can still remember waiting for a class to start , and having monkey chants directed at me by over a dozen boys.The bullying related trauma still affects me 47 years since I left Felsted. My first psych admission was from there to Severalls in what should've been the term I took A levels. I've rebuffed attempts to get me to pursue further education time and time again due to severe social anxiety and the trauma.
This is all terrible and sadly not the only time I've heard such accounts about public schools. My comprehensive was bad, yes, but I could at least escape at the end of the day and, though facing their own related difficulties, my parents were loving and supportive - strong protective factors that I know not everyone has. It does make me fear that, due to the way "education" is structured and delivered, it still needs to change radically, not just offer a few accommodations, to make it feel safe and for it to become a real learning environment for us. I did go back later in life to retrain but, although it was the right decision in overall terms, I still found it very difficult, not just due to the environment (bad enough and built on many of the same assumptions as earlier insitutions) but also due to all of the defensive patterns and responses within me - basically the trauma from back then. So sorry you went through all of this. It definitely casts a long shadow and it often feels that the safest place for any activity, including personal development, is at home where we have more control.
As the son of a diplomat it was the done thing.
Yes, it would unfortunately have meant you were singled out. Probably not to the same extent (and again having the benefit of being able to escape at the end of the day) my dad experienced some of this at school as he was the headmaster's son. Basically, once one thing was latched onto, it can escalate, as if the flood gates have opened. I think kids, and sadly often teachers, can focus on any difference at all and see it as an excuse for taunting, shouting and worse. Utterly deplorable!