Published on 12, July, 2020
I just revisited Jodie Smitten's excellent site and found this cluster of articles and info on school attendance - often an issue for parents and certainly an issue within my own family over at least 2 generations. Drilling down into the reasons can be quite emotional too. I was thinking at first that it might be more suitable for the Parents and Carers section but then, and especially after the school reports thread, I reconsidered. Reading through some of this, like thinking about my old school reports, set off quite a bit of reflection on my own schooling, much of which damaged or distorted me and influenced my behaviours for some considerable time. It's all still very much with me, in fact, like a voice in my head. I was always able to attend school myself, but I'm thinking now that the cost might have been too great. It also led to an awful lot of masking, some fairly negative behaviours and consequences for me, plus an almost neverending drive towards perfectionism and getting 10/10, no matter what I had to do to achieve it. :( And yes, although it can be a large "turning circle", I'm on to it now, with more insight, I think. :) If you feel OK to share here, how do you all feel about all of this? www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/school-attendance
School for me was a nightmare.
In Junior school I was bullied and because I couldn't see the blackboard due to myopia (and no-one picked up on it) I think I lost out on some schooling.
I used to wear my older sisters' or mum's clothes + shoes to school as I didn't have much of my own = more bullying.
I didn't pass the 11+ so went to a Secondary Modern school (for girls).
Those schools were in place for people who weren't expected to take exams.
Both my schools were in the poorest areas of Portsmouth, very rough + with poor teaching standards.
It was only when the Secondary School became Comprehensive that the school improved, with an influx of Grammar pupils and teachers.
So, against all odds, I ended up with some 'O' and 'A' levels.
We were the 1st pupils to take 'A' levels in that school (ie ever).
The bullying was relentless which would have been due to being pretty, very different ie autistic, wearing glasses and old hand-me-down clothes and eventually excelling academically (relatively speaking).
The bullying has haunted me all my life.
This was against a background of complex relationships, a mentally unstable mother, my parents being unhappily married but still together and sharing a bedroom with my older sister in a noisy council house where there was no quiet place to study or think or do anything really.
We had originally been in our own house but Portsmouth City Council in the 1970s compulsorily repossessed loads of Victorian housing in the city, demolished it and replaced it with council owned.
These are not happy memories and much of my earlier life, home and school, was filled with trauma.
I had a somewhat similar experience to you. I went to two senior schools, both comprehensives. The first, from 11 to 14, was a former Secondary Modern. The teaching was so-so and the strap was dispensed very freely. The second, from 14 to 18, was a former Grammar School, the teaching was definitely much better and, although corporal punishment was still a threat, the strap was much less frequently used. I found the second school much less oppressive and I was considerably less anxious in it.
Resentments were rife, that time, and it has decimated our morale.
So sorry you went through all of this. And yes, I can relate to so much that you're written. I think that certain assumptions about me and my background were made based on my academic performance - apparently I couldn't be so "clever" and still be entitled to free school meals, live in a slum and be going through some quite significant family issues all at the same time. And yes, the trauma, although I probably wouldn't have described it as such at the time, was ongoing and still very uncomfortable to remember - your word "haunted" feels very accurate.