Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all. I'm Lauren and I'm new here. I strongly suspect that I'm autistic but no-one apart from my sister understands unfortunately.
I'm posting here today as I'd just like some advice!
I have acquired a new friendship group in the form of mothers from my children's school. At the beginning I was happy to meet up for cups of coffee or going on an occasional night out, but they're doing this really regularly now, sometimes 3-4 times a week, as well as seeing each other at the morning and afternoon school run. I'm not comfortable with doing this as I really love to be alone everyday. They're even talking about having group family holidays which makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
They don't understand why I'm not interested in doing these things with them? They keep pressing me, insisting they must have done something wrong to me or I'm angry with them for something because I keep making excuses not to see them.
They say that I'm avoiding them, and in fairness I am avoiding them. It seems that the more they press me on the issue, the more i want to avoid them. I just really dont want to see people everyday. And anyone I ask for advice just doesnt understand! Does anyone here understand please? I do have 4 boys under 8 so I'm burnt out most of the time anyway...
Thank you!
I'll give that a go. I usually arrive late to avoid seeing them!
If it's possible, perhaps you could attempt to camouflage yourself by standing near another group of parents, well away from the unpleasant ones.
I know, it is awfully childish. The worst thing is I've not said one mean thing to any of them. I will block them, I just have to face them everyday in the school yard
Thank you so much! I will block them, I dont have time for pettiness. If they had just approached me gently, as I would them if they had withdrawn, I probably would have responded more positively. Unfortunately, that's not the case and they're making sweary tiktoks instead
I know. I will block them. I think I would have responded if they had either asked if I'm ok or is anything wrong but it was just full on confrontation and anger. I just shut down, im no good with that
The fact that they are sending you mean messages is bad enough. As you say these people are in their late 20s and early 30s, the TikTok videos strike me as... well... rather childish behaviour. If I was in your shoes, I would be inclined to keep my distance from them and block them on Messenger.
I wasn't around when this thread was first posted but I'm just catching up now and omg it's horrendous that they're acting like this towards you!
All my friendship groups have ended in a similar way, where everything is fine in the beginning and then they start pressuring me to go out a lot and do things I'm not comfortable with so I get super overwhelmed and end up avoiding them until they stop contacting me. However I've never experienced what you're describing now, with the mean messages and Tiktoks. I'm so sorry that they're treating you like that. I know it's hard for neurotypicals to understand why we suddenly fall out of contact but that doesn't give them the right to do what they're doing now. They definitely sound like a bunch of bullies and I'd block them all if I was in this situation.
Best wishes to you
.....actually, I find that some do and have done for far longer than my autism was even a twinkle in anyone's eyes. I personally find this comforting and reassuring.
Oh goodness. I am sorry. Tread carefully - safe and successful transition takes time and energy. This "set" of people will become associated with you "old" life soon enough - but whilst they are unavoidably present, my advice to you must remain......tread carefully. Best wishes.
and no-one bloomin' realises
Definitely....on all counts.
That's bullying and I'm surprised with young families they have time to do things like that. Can you block them? They obviously don't have very interesting lives. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Hi everyone - just a quick update.
I continued to avoid them instead of talking to them about the issue and now they're sending me mean messages on facebook messenger and making tiktok videos about it. Bearing in mind they're in their late 20s and early 30s. It's staggering. Obviously I have a confrontation/conflict issue but I certainly wasnt nasty toward them.
It's hard work isn't it. I think as autistics we put more effort in for less reward and we can be quite (or more) conscientious around others.
At least 2 out of 4 of them have expressed the same issue so there's obviously some mob mentality going on. It's frustrating because there isnt any real issue. I haven't ignored anyone. I dont generally tend to speak to anyone unless I'm spoken to first though so maybe that's another issue. It's hurting my brain now
I think it says more about her than you
Yes it all seems a bit gaslighty tbh. "It feels like you're ignoring us" "you're rude". She is suspected adhd so I respect that overthinking maybe at play here but it's still hurtful. If ever I've genuinely seen her, or not been rushing home for an appointment or something I've always stopped to talk. I dont want to be spending 20 mins everyday waiting around school yards talking! Thank you for your wonderful words π Bees π (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs
That is unfortunate, I'm also super annoyed for you because that sounds like a gaslighty thing of her to put on you. I don't understand why even if you knew you had seen her and didn't want to waste her time and yours with small talk before both going "sorry I have to go dinner won't cook itself", somehow you are the rude one? Nah I think that's just an allist excuse to feel more "normal" in of herself. That's not on you at all, and going by how outrageous the were of their demands to your time and energy I think you can hold your head high because you gave them the fairest of chances, because I know very social non-autistic people who would have found their demands a bit too much as well.
Hi Roy. It appears that things have come to a head now. My oldest friend has messaged me to tell me that I am rude because I've seen her multiple times and i have completely ignored her. Unfortunately sometimes when I look in a direction...it doesnt mean that i am actually *looking*. Looks like I will have to cut them off. Thank you for your responses today.
NAS83572 said: I realise that I am different in that I need to be alone but I cant even express that.
I think you have just given your own answer. I definitely wouldn’t disclose why you are different. My boys are adults now, these people seem like they are your whole world, honestly they come and go. Your husband works nights so that should be enough of a reason to decline their offers. Explain that he drives a large vehicle, waking him up as they are requesting is dangerous, his rest hours are there for a reason.