Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all. I'm Lauren and I'm new here. I strongly suspect that I'm autistic but no-one apart from my sister understands unfortunately.
I'm posting here today as I'd just like some advice!
I have acquired a new friendship group in the form of mothers from my children's school. At the beginning I was happy to meet up for cups of coffee or going on an occasional night out, but they're doing this really regularly now, sometimes 3-4 times a week, as well as seeing each other at the morning and afternoon school run. I'm not comfortable with doing this as I really love to be alone everyday. They're even talking about having group family holidays which makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
They don't understand why I'm not interested in doing these things with them? They keep pressing me, insisting they must have done something wrong to me or I'm angry with them for something because I keep making excuses not to see them.
They say that I'm avoiding them, and in fairness I am avoiding them. It seems that the more they press me on the issue, the more i want to avoid them. I just really dont want to see people everyday. And anyone I ask for advice just doesnt understand! Does anyone here understand please? I do have 4 boys under 8 so I'm burnt out most of the time anyway...
Thank you!
Hi Lauren,
It's a tough situation to be in but my gut instinct is to split from folks who put on pressure. Real friends tend to respect your needs. It's tiring being a parent and I cannot imagine how much of a challenge it would be with 4 little people. It sounds like your friends are going in one direction and you in the other. You may find that when you stick to what you need, the more genuine friends will respect you for it. Some folks in the group may be feeling as you do. If they continue to bombard you with demands, it's time to move on and find people who love you for you.
I know how tough friendships can be but I'm a firm believer of cutting your losses when friends become toxic. It's not worth the mental agony.
Hi, thank you for the advice. I was happy having the individual friendships but the group dynamic is really disconcerting. Previously when we've got together I was very quiet, apart from the odd few moments when I would jump in with a tidbit or anecdote. I dont feel comfortable speaking to multiple people a once and it seems to be getting worse as I get older!
They don't seem to understand that I need to keep a close eye on my littlest son as well. He is autistic too and I need to make sure he doesn't run out of the school gates near the road, or run towards a road while we're walking home. So sometimes they'll stop and talk at the end of school and my son is trying to pull and run away. So I need to get my children home to avoid any incidents with cars and they have assumed I dont want to talk to them. I do have a big issue conveying these feelings with them because I dont feel like they would understand anyway.
Thank you for your advice. You're right, I have considered cutting them off. If they put pressure on again then I will more than likely do so