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Scary people

openheart
My Step-father does not chat or talk
by doing so he puts me in a state of uneasy and freezing up around him
by his non-verbal communication involvement and gap silence
I don't know what to do or say when I am about him
I end up in a state of anxiety and confusion around him
I can't read his intents or figure out his behaviours
he has always been remote,,, he does not talk,, unless it is nick pick on you negatively. He makes more bodily sounds, like burping, farting, than actual communication, I swear he is a pig living as a man, is he actually human, I have seen dogs with better manners and communication ?
 
My question is ,,, he freaks me out by his non-verbal silence, it freezes me up due to the uneasy caused by his presence. This tension is like a confrontation within me, I can't do anything about because he does not dialogue with me in normal human fashion. How can you read a book which is closed !"
 
IS there a solution ?
except walk away, which I can not do due to the dependancy on my mother.
it is him,, but I AM the one having the over reaction due to my autism.
 
I just hate the control he has over my emotions
by his very presence in the room, he has been scaring me since childhood. He makes me feel helpless, powerless and angry at myself.  
 
Any advice ? ty

  • It just felt a little hurtful to come onto an autism forum and paint people who appear unemotional, don't have expressive body language and don't communicate much as "scary".

    Though I admit, just because something bothers me in other people, that doesn't mean I don't also engage in the same behaviours myself. :-)

  • Noetic said:

    This is a really horrible thing to post on an ASD forum... Many people on the spectrum can be like this some or all of the time. 

    Good point in the sense that, all people can have the mentioned traits including many Autistic people. So the traits are not just autistic or non-autistic specific, it is human wide, but for me, these mentioned traits have a very negative impact on my health and autistic condition. Remembering that sometimes autistic people sometimes do not get on with other autistic people, it is human nature.

    For me it is coping discussion, not about being horrible.

    Peace NoeticSmile

  • Why is this a "really horrible thing to post on an ASD forum" Noetic? Are you referring to my outline of people I find difficult to deal with, which was an attempt to respond to openheart asking me why some people are hard to deal with. I was merely offering my perspective on where I encountered difficulties.

    Are you reading it as the people I'm criticisiong being on the spectrum? My intention was to explain my difficulties being on the spectrum, with other people possibly not.

    If you could elucidate I might feel better.

  • This is a really horrible thing to post on an ASD forum... Many people on the spectrum can be like this some or all of the time. 

  • I suffer badly from people with pretensions, or groups of people who form cliques.

    I perceive I have a "one size fits all" approach to conversation - I might be imagining it though - its just how it feels. I understand deference and respect. But I have difficulty putting it over.

    People who expect deference, or a particular response from me, seem to feel I haven't treated them in accordance with their wishes. If I try to do it right I get accused of making fun of them. I guess some people you never can please, and probably NTs have just as much trouble with these people.

    In the workplace or social settings there always seem to be cliques. You are expected to learn some code or patter to be accepted by them, but if you work with them you need to get along with them. I cannot read these codes or respond to them, so I always have trouble.

    Another bugbear is with people whose humour consists of absolutes, like saying don't do that, when they mean if you do do that you'll find it is difficult - not the same as not doing it - why cannot they just say what they mean.

    I also wish people would back up gestures with meaningful speech.

    I tend to get into difficulties with authority figures,. I think they're obsessed about eye contact, being attentive, "look me in the eye", and if you cannot, or you appear to have the wrong expression they go out of their way to be difficult. I've got no hope of succeeding with people like that.

  • Longman, why do I find certain people hard to deal with and others I don't ?

    Is there a profile of personality types which cause people with autism stress ?

    The silence, negative, irrational, authoritarian, loud talking, drunk, or grumpy ones freak me out. Basically anyone off the normal normal spectrum so to say.Laughing

    Does anyone else get this ?

     

  • This seems to be something that happens a lot, I'm just not clear whether you are saying he is on the spectrum, or his NT behaviour is affecting you being on the spectrum.

    We seem to get some idea on here that NT is normal, but AS isn't the only thing that can mess with your life. Lots of NTs aren't as NT as you think (or even they think).

    Some people just don't have much luck with social interaction and get content being within themselves, - it doesn't need to be AS related.

    There seem to be lots of people especially in later life who stop saying much. This has something to do with marriage where a relationship runs out of spark. I think it is just one of those things.

    It may just be harder to read someone like that if there's insufficient helpful feedback, especially if you are not good at reading feedback because of AS.