Autism + ADHD combined female presentation- What's your lived experience?

I’m combined but only recently diagnosed ASD in my 40s and waiting for ADHD assessment (psychiatrist was confident I have both).

For me it feels like a superpower one minute and head torture the next. On a good day I can get a week’s worth of work done in two days (if it interests me) -  I can be hyper focused and have brilliant ideas for things. On a bad day I suffer burnout and struggle with executive function. I also crave order and predictability and yet I’m constantly sabotaging - forever losing track of time and in a brain fog, then frustrated that I’ve not kept to times. Ironically people rely on me because I write so many lists and double check everything conscientiously as though this comes naturally to me as opposed to a coping strategy -  when someone asks me to do something for them I am overwhelmed with anxiety until I can tick it off my list (but I hide this). I also hate having to change my plans or go somewhere new.

I much prefer being on my own but I’ve also learned to laugh at myself and my tendency to be ‘too honest’ (which then makes me cringe for days later!), but I make people laugh. I am incredibly self-aware, constantly analysing mine and others’ behaviours – I read a lot on psychology and behavioural science as though I can hack neurotypical brains, lol. I‘m a good actress and can perform well but have significant burnout after.

I’ve been a total people pleaser which is why a lot of problems have gone unnoticed - I find it hard to express when I’m struggling or in pain. I also doubt myself that I need things others don’t -  even if this results in a meltdown. I’ve struggled with the stereotype of being female and having people assume I’m maternal or into beauty stuff or fashion. For this reason I get very angry about gender because I feel I’ve always gravitated to stereotypically male behaviour but I’ve had to hide this to fit in.
Things that have and are helping me are:

working for myself so I can manage my environment and the type of people I work with.

listening to podcasts when I have to do boring tasks like cleaning which helps distract me. I also plan in rewards for doing a boring task for 20 mins. 

listening to electronic music on repeat when I’m anxious as the repetitive beat seems to soothe me. Also i have scents that calm me.

Loop earplugs help with my sound sensitivity - the engage ones are helpful for needing to hear people speaking.

I’ve started to say no a lot more and implement boundaries -  also avoid people who regularly change plans or don’t give clear expectations (though this is not easy!).

I write and draw and this helps my constant stream of thought and calms me. Sometimes reading things back helps to unlock something. 

Hello again Elise.  I just posted a response but it was detected as "spam" and deleted so I am now in an appeal  process (it's all very boring).......so I won't retype again now.....just wanted to say hi again.  We have definite similarities.....but some notable deviances too.  One question I had asked....assuming that you do get a ADHD diagnosis, would you be considering trialling medication to alleviate some of the "down" periods?....if you will forgive me asking that personal question.

Kind regards

Number.

Hello again Elise.  I just posted a response but it was detected as "spam" and deleted so I am now in an appeal  process (it's all very boring).......so I won't retype again now.....just wanted to say hi again.  We have definite similarities.....but some notable deviances too.  One question I had asked....assuming that you do get a ADHD diagnosis, would you be considering trialling medication to alleviate some of the "down" periods?....if you will forgive me asking that personal question.

Kind regards

Number.

Yes - I would not consider meds if they required consistent or long term use.....but because they don't (and I can REALLY suffer sometimes with some form of "block" in my executive functioning) then I am VERY keen to try some meds.......it is the only reason for me to get a diagnosis.

Hi! Apologies I did write out a reply and then realised I got distracted (adhd!). So yes I had an ASD assessment first but wished it was the other way round for clarity for myself as I was told my adhd traits masked my ASD. I don’t really want to take meds longterm but I feel like it would be an interesting experiment to work out which parts of me are adhd and which are ASD!