Published on 12, July, 2020
Today, after a few wobbly days at work, I have asked for a meeting with my management team to discuss the reasonable adjustments that can be made to better accommodate my needs in the workplace.
For the past 11 years in my role, I have put my needs second and, at times, I have genuinely struggled to get through it.
This was a huge step for me, but being part of this community has helped me to see the importance of advocating for myself.
2 years ago, when I received my diagnosis, I was quick to brush aside the idea of adjustments. After all, I’d survived up until that point. But I’ve since learned that that approach simply wasn’t good enough, especially considering the amount of meltdowns I was experiencing at the end of a day.
I got quite upset and tearful in the discussion when asking for the meeting, as I think it was in recognition of the 11 years of work up to this point where I have just been coping rather than thriving. But I did it. It took a lot of courage for me, as historically I’ve not been good at asking for help. But I managed it.
The date is pencilled in, and now I get to have a good think in preparation for this meeting. My aim is to now think of my context, the adjustments that can reasonably be in this role and what I’m actually asking for.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this, but it feels good to write it down. I’m sure many of you can relate to that feeling here.
What I found stonewalled as impossible was asking for mindfulness in communication, to take literally what I say, but apparently it's impossible to communicate it to everyone and it's down to me to manage it, so I'm back to square one, where people don't take seriously when I ask for something
Mariusz ,
That makes me angry for you! All these disability confident badges are not what they seem. I really really really hope the adjustments are made for coffeeguy since he was so brave to ask. :-(
Don't be angry. I'm not. It's as it was before. Nothing has changed.
Except discovering another fake in society.
Mariusz,
I guess the anger for me is my lifetime of experience of being mistreated at work for my inability to play the game anymore. I cry. It's not accepted. I cry more. It's labelled and neatly packaged as something to be medicated. I believe that and like a good girl take the medication. It gives me a whole host of issues and doesn't work. I "pretend" I am "better" for the sake of others. I try another job and research in detail how it is meant to be done. I get there, I put everything into it. I do everything right down to every detail. I mask my internal struggle with feeling the workplace is fake and hugely uncomfortable with fake people who are bitchy and pretend to like me when i know they don't. i make friends with the "misfits." who are also shunned. I get ill (which I now know is shutdown after a series of meltdowns). This cycle started when I was 16 and started my first part time job. I loved that job and my boss because he understood me and the job was two days a week. The "ill" cycle started when i was expected to work more hours in another job.
My point in sharing this is to show how i genuinely didn't realised what i do now. I've pushed anger down and disowned it because it's deemed negative by me and some folks.
I'm glad you're not angry about it. It's comforting to hear that. I have years of anger to work through.
Thanks for posting your thoughts. It is helping me know myself more.