Published on 12, July, 2020
I know this is a big question.
I also realise that it may depend on what stage in life you received your diagnosis and how much it affects your day to day living.
I've read quite a few times on the forum about people who were happy to receive a diagnosis but then later found themselves quite profoundly affected by it, in some ways 'negatively'.
I find that I think about little else now, that I mention it a lot to people, that the knowledge is affecting what I do.
This is a situation I'm not sure I'm happy about.
I think I'd like to start to be less introspective, to look outwards again.
Autism is not everything we are.
Or because it is so essentially us, is it really everything we are?
Indeed, Debbie. A very good and very big question.
There are things other than my autism which define me. I am a woman. My gender defines me. I am British. My culture defines me. Neither my gender nor my culture can be extracted from who and what I am. But the same is true of my autism. I am Autistic in the same way I am a woman or am British. Whilst not being my only defining attribute, it is a fundamental defining attribute. It cannot be extracted from who and what I am. All of these things are printed through me like the lettering through a stick of rock.
Dawn said:All of these things are printed through me like the lettering through a stick of rock.
This statement sounds quite poetic actually. The concept of individual identity constantly evolves.
Ausomely Autistic said:All of these things are printed through me like the lettering through a stick of rock.
I love this way of looking at it Dawn! Such a beautiful way to imagine myself. like a layered, colourful stick of rock.
Like you say, lots of things make up parts of who I am but I don't think that the autism is a particularly big part of that. Now that I have a diagnosis I can find myself thinking or saying something and I mentally go "oh that was a very autistic thought/action" and I can kind of earmark it for next time it happens.
I think about my autism and ADHD most when I am having to socialise or interact with people, particularly new people who I am making a first impression on. Mixing with people I know well or spending time alone I don't think about it so much because I don't need to 'mask' so much.