Appearances and looking ‘normal’ !!

So, what does this look like? Obviously this is a tongue in cheek question, but really, why do people say it? Since my diagnosis in March, I had my first ‘but you look normal’ comment last week. Needless to say, I told them that I am normal, and asked them to define what that meant. I asked them what I should look like instead? I was then compared to an autistic man we both know, who presents quite obviously. I said I wasn’t xyz, and that each person with ASD is different. I told him he shouldn’t judge it assume anything about anyone based on their appearance. 

This brings me to peoples opinions on beauty. I do get regular compliments based on what I look like which I don’t feel comfortable with. I have a face like everyone else! And that face makes people assume things about me. People think derogatory things about me, but also that I must be a bit*ch, stuck up or standoffish. What makes them think that is actually my ASD and not being comfortable socially, but they don’t know that. Or course they also think my life must be great, and that I couldn’t possibly be autistic!
On dating and friendship apps, people think I want a toy boy, or must have had loads of men, or that I can ‘get anyone’ but that’s not true. I hate being judged. I done that to myself for most of my teens, twenties and thirties for other reasons. 

  • I get that too. I sometimes catch myself in the mirror and I think, yeah, who is that? omg that’s me! Weird.

  • I don't think I look Normal.  Sometimes I don't even look like me!  The whole idea that everything I think and feel is inside the physical me seems very odd. 

  • At school the bullies used to intuit that I was different pretty quickly. I think it was mostly that my hair was a bit long (I've never liked having my haircut for sensory/personal space reasons) and unfashionably frizzy, enough for the bullies to make jokes about afros. Nowadays I worry that I seem abnormal, but I probably don't. It's just my low self-esteem.

    I don't know whether I look attractive; I suspect probably not much, but that I'm not hugely unattractive either.

  • I pride myself on not feeling normal, not looking normal, acting normal etc. I’ve never fit in, and I’ve never changed to suit others, at the expense of rubbing some NTs up the wrong way. Regarding my appearance, my autism is very obvious to me. I’m surprised most people can’t spot it. Luckily I’ve bought my children up to not care what others think. My daughter is comfy with who she is and how she dresses. She’s doesn’t give a hoot about what people think, and it’s now turned to her advantage. People see her as stylish, edgy, cool and she’s always approached by people with compliments. 

  • It’s stupid really, that people judge us. And like you say, once we start talking it’s apparent we’re not what they were expecting! I don’t judge others in that way.

  • Because the strive for eternal youth makes businesses money. It's not just older people getting cosmetic surgery these days. A lot of young people do too.

  • I am never "called out" for looking different - although my identical clothing outfits do get mentioned after a few encounters with new people.  Long before ASD entered my conciousness I always had a very rehearsed and compelling rationale for the choice that normally allowed the matter to drop without further comment.  Obviously, these days, I can recognise MANY more layers (forgive the pun) that underpin my long-held choice of clothed appearance.

    Beauty is a fascinating one for me.  Whilst I can readily acknowledge and appreciate "traditional" beauty in a person, my general perceptions of what constitutes visual beauty seem to be very at odds with the world at large - certainly amongst my peers and the trashy media.  Unless the human is "natural" in appearance (imperceptible make-up for instance) I can neither see beauty nor ugliness - just a human that is choosing to hide.  This can lead me to stare sometimes whilst trying to decipher what lies beneath...."awkward" at times!

    One thing that I simply cannot understand (despite really trying to grasp) is why older humans seem to think that using cosmetic surgery to appear younger is an effective and wise approach.  To me, any such work is glaringly obvious, even when undertaken "successfully" with no care for the cost - and therefore the desired effect is drowned out in my head by "why the hell did you do that?"  I simply cannot grasp the logic behind it.  If you are "beautiful" already, why wouldn't you want to be "older beautiful"?  How the hell did the collective conciousness of the hoi polloi reach this abhorrent position of only longing for a youthful beauty!?  I'm happy that I can't understand.

  • I'm not sure how I appear to be people. A bit weird I guess. I've never heard if someone said about my face and appearence.

  • I appear weird, but an respected in my local area; because of my family.

    Dealing with others, however, can be a drag. 

  • As a youth and young man I wanted most of all not to look strange or unusual, now, at a more advanced age, I really care very little what other people think of me. Getting an autism diagnosis seems to have taken the breaks off my tendency to eccentricity and I feel more comfortable for it.

  • I think most people put a high prize on "normality" but I'd be inclined to disagree.

  • I know what you mean

    I look unlike any geek I've ever met, and people usually assume I am not and that I can't have higher IQ,

    it even happens a girl was interested in me because the way I look, I know because I've been told by few aquiantances, but the charm was ended the moment I started talking, so sometimes it infuriates me, because I can't imagine how I could go about dating without talking

    people just can't put those things together in one person, so I always confuse everyone as first impression I make