Appearances and looking ‘normal’ !!

So, what does this look like? Obviously this is a tongue in cheek question, but really, why do people say it? Since my diagnosis in March, I had my first ‘but you look normal’ comment last week. Needless to say, I told them that I am normal, and asked them to define what that meant. I asked them what I should look like instead? I was then compared to an autistic man we both know, who presents quite obviously. I said I wasn’t xyz, and that each person with ASD is different. I told him he shouldn’t judge it assume anything about anyone based on their appearance. 

This brings me to peoples opinions on beauty. I do get regular compliments based on what I look like which I don’t feel comfortable with. I have a face like everyone else! And that face makes people assume things about me. People think derogatory things about me, but also that I must be a bit*ch, stuck up or standoffish. What makes them think that is actually my ASD and not being comfortable socially, but they don’t know that. Or course they also think my life must be great, and that I couldn’t possibly be autistic!
On dating and friendship apps, people think I want a toy boy, or must have had loads of men, or that I can ‘get anyone’ but that’s not true. I hate being judged. I done that to myself for most of my teens, twenties and thirties for other reasons. 

Parents
  • I am never "called out" for looking different - although my identical clothing outfits do get mentioned after a few encounters with new people.  Long before ASD entered my conciousness I always had a very rehearsed and compelling rationale for the choice that normally allowed the matter to drop without further comment.  Obviously, these days, I can recognise MANY more layers (forgive the pun) that underpin my long-held choice of clothed appearance.

    Beauty is a fascinating one for me.  Whilst I can readily acknowledge and appreciate "traditional" beauty in a person, my general perceptions of what constitutes visual beauty seem to be very at odds with the world at large - certainly amongst my peers and the trashy media.  Unless the human is "natural" in appearance (imperceptible make-up for instance) I can neither see beauty nor ugliness - just a human that is choosing to hide.  This can lead me to stare sometimes whilst trying to decipher what lies beneath...."awkward" at times!

    One thing that I simply cannot understand (despite really trying to grasp) is why older humans seem to think that using cosmetic surgery to appear younger is an effective and wise approach.  To me, any such work is glaringly obvious, even when undertaken "successfully" with no care for the cost - and therefore the desired effect is drowned out in my head by "why the hell did you do that?"  I simply cannot grasp the logic behind it.  If you are "beautiful" already, why wouldn't you want to be "older beautiful"?  How the hell did the collective conciousness of the hoi polloi reach this abhorrent position of only longing for a youthful beauty!?  I'm happy that I can't understand.

Reply
  • I am never "called out" for looking different - although my identical clothing outfits do get mentioned after a few encounters with new people.  Long before ASD entered my conciousness I always had a very rehearsed and compelling rationale for the choice that normally allowed the matter to drop without further comment.  Obviously, these days, I can recognise MANY more layers (forgive the pun) that underpin my long-held choice of clothed appearance.

    Beauty is a fascinating one for me.  Whilst I can readily acknowledge and appreciate "traditional" beauty in a person, my general perceptions of what constitutes visual beauty seem to be very at odds with the world at large - certainly amongst my peers and the trashy media.  Unless the human is "natural" in appearance (imperceptible make-up for instance) I can neither see beauty nor ugliness - just a human that is choosing to hide.  This can lead me to stare sometimes whilst trying to decipher what lies beneath...."awkward" at times!

    One thing that I simply cannot understand (despite really trying to grasp) is why older humans seem to think that using cosmetic surgery to appear younger is an effective and wise approach.  To me, any such work is glaringly obvious, even when undertaken "successfully" with no care for the cost - and therefore the desired effect is drowned out in my head by "why the hell did you do that?"  I simply cannot grasp the logic behind it.  If you are "beautiful" already, why wouldn't you want to be "older beautiful"?  How the hell did the collective conciousness of the hoi polloi reach this abhorrent position of only longing for a youthful beauty!?  I'm happy that I can't understand.

Children