Appearances and looking ‘normal’ !!

So, what does this look like? Obviously this is a tongue in cheek question, but really, why do people say it? Since my diagnosis in March, I had my first ‘but you look normal’ comment last week. Needless to say, I told them that I am normal, and asked them to define what that meant. I asked them what I should look like instead? I was then compared to an autistic man we both know, who presents quite obviously. I said I wasn’t xyz, and that each person with ASD is different. I told him he shouldn’t judge it assume anything about anyone based on their appearance. 

This brings me to peoples opinions on beauty. I do get regular compliments based on what I look like which I don’t feel comfortable with. I have a face like everyone else! And that face makes people assume things about me. People think derogatory things about me, but also that I must be a bit*ch, stuck up or standoffish. What makes them think that is actually my ASD and not being comfortable socially, but they don’t know that. Or course they also think my life must be great, and that I couldn’t possibly be autistic!
On dating and friendship apps, people think I want a toy boy, or must have had loads of men, or that I can ‘get anyone’ but that’s not true. I hate being judged. I done that to myself for most of my teens, twenties and thirties for other reasons. 

Parents
  • At school the bullies used to intuit that I was different pretty quickly. I think it was mostly that my hair was a bit long (I've never liked having my haircut for sensory/personal space reasons) and unfashionably frizzy, enough for the bullies to make jokes about afros. Nowadays I worry that I seem abnormal, but I probably don't. It's just my low self-esteem.

    I don't know whether I look attractive; I suspect probably not much, but that I'm not hugely unattractive either.

Reply
  • At school the bullies used to intuit that I was different pretty quickly. I think it was mostly that my hair was a bit long (I've never liked having my haircut for sensory/personal space reasons) and unfashionably frizzy, enough for the bullies to make jokes about afros. Nowadays I worry that I seem abnormal, but I probably don't. It's just my low self-esteem.

    I don't know whether I look attractive; I suspect probably not much, but that I'm not hugely unattractive either.

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