Not up to working, tired of staying at home

I only work a few hours each week and working for myself from home these days.  I absolutely don't want to return to the typical sort of job as I fear it will make me ill.  Again. 

So...   I do have a fairly lax routine here at home and this involves:-

- a fair bit of cooking and baking.  Sometimes this is a chore but it mostly give me pleasure and saves a bit of money in that I can make huge batches of stuff and then freeze some.

- quite a bit of gardening, both indoors and outdoors.  Some of this is purely for pleasure because I love nurturing plants, seeing the first little seedlings come through and getting a lovely, if untidy display of flowers.  One of my north-facing windowsills indoors is reserved for orchids and epiphytes, and I check that I'm maintaining a mini "cloud forest" here for them and mist them regularly.  But this hobby also feeds into my baking because I grow lots of herbs and chillies, things that will fit onto my kitchen windowsill, plus a few additional things outside - only a small garden but I have several dwarf fruit trees (lots of apple crumbles and pear tarts coming up) plus larger herbs like fennel, rosemary and mint.  I started out with a few recipes from a book called the "garden to Kitchen Expert" and built up from there. 

- lots of reading.  Getting a Kindle has helped me to keep the clutter down plus ebooks are a bit cheaper too

- watching lots of videos and webinars on neurodiversity as we struggle with a LOT of issues here and I'm desperate to find answers

- a bit of meditation and chi kung, when I get time

- I also deal with many of the practicalities, our finances and grocery shopping etc, while my husband does a lot of the dusting, hoovering and tidying.

 - I keep intending to do a bit of artwork, especially since I feel that my creative side got stamped on at work, but I simply haven't got round to it yet.  There's still time, I hope.  

I do also have what I call "lists to live by".  These started out as just a shopping list and a to do list, but have expanded to include planning files and also - these have actually turned out to be the most fruitful for me - and extra notepad upstairs next to my side of the bed and downstairs next to my computer,  so that I can capture any thoughts or ponderings that seem useful or insightful to me.  The bedroom one gets used the most because I seem to get lots of thoughts when I'm trying to get to sleep.  


A bit of walking in the locality (there's a small nature reserve around half a mile away) and I've kind of pieced together a life.  :)    

Jenny what do you do working for yourself? I can quite clearly see how what i think has been a long slow burnout has contributed to physical ill health. I'm trying to weigh up all my options to give me a simpler life but still with some purpose. 

Jenny what do you do working for yourself? I can quite clearly see how what i think has been a long slow burnout has contributed to physical ill health. I'm trying to weigh up all my options to give me a simpler life but still with some purpose. 

Please dont apologise! I am finding it really interesting and helpful reading all this and I hope you figure things out too

That's a great story, and congratulations on effectively turning your life (or a major part of your life) around.

Yes, things did seem to line up in a strange way for me.  The interpersonal skills course was something of a revelation to me, leaving me wondering why on earth there hadn't been such a course at school.  I also found that a large part of these courses turned out to be what I thought of as psychology and they fitted very well with all of my self help experience from over the years.  In fact, some of the self help books I'd already read were on a table in the corner of the room for students to refer to.

I did think, after my experiences in finance and 3 redundancies, that I might not be up to working in any capacity, but being in more suitable work really helped.     

It sounds like you have kind of got things how you want because life is now simpler. It's funny how things work out but I think sometimes things happen for a reason. I dont think it should be about the money. It should be about getting life how you want it so it works for you. I too did a short interpersonal evening course and have thought about taking it further. Or I'm considering further studies in an area I'm interested in. i think your niche as an ND counsellor is a worthwhile one because there aren't many! It's useful to hear others' experiences. I want a simpler life which works on my terms but still with interest and engagement. Im considering an easier job but it wouldnt fulfil me and i think working for myself would be better. Thank you. Sorry for hijacking your thread Billy!

Hello there.  It's been a very long journey and I was actually always just too scared to start out on my own.  It's not something I ever imagined I'd do. 

But various things happened, including a diagnosis with a late-onset genetic disease for which there was little information and no support locally.  So I ended up running a support group online, in order to share information and chat with others and then, after a while, I met up with a consultant who was already running a local group and trust fund and we agreed to expand it into being a national charity.  So then I ran the helpline in my house, expecting to give out information over the phone then and send out newsletters and full details in information packs.  This happened sometimes but what mostly happened was that some very distressed people called just to chat and cry over the phone.  And I rapidly realised that I was being pushed into the role of support worker or even counsellor.  

What I then did was sign up for a very basic course in interpersonal skills, one night a week at my local college, so that I felt better equipped.  Well, the course, I found, was amazing and contained loads of information that I felt I'd missed out on all my life.  I must emphasise that at the time I didn't know or even suspect that I was autistic.  But when, after a few short weeks, the course ended, I eagerly signed up for the next level, and then the next.  I was then faced with the option of taking it to degree level, with the actual degree being in counselling, with loads of skills practice, observation and assignments.  So I thought long and hard about it because it would be time consuming and expensive.  I'd also never really seen myself in this kind of support role. 

At the same time, though, I was being edged out of yet another finance role and, during the eventual (and seemingly inevitable) redundancy meetings, I realised that they were paying me so much to just disappear that I could afford the degree and still have a fair bit left.  As luck would have it, and in spite of all the stress of the process, they were unwittingly helping me to reinvent myself!

I never went back to finance or office work again.  I was able to get a part time job working for the Expert Patient Programme, which fitted nicely with my charity work and used counselling skills in a small group setting, and I also started taking on some volunteer counselling work.  By the time that job came to an end (it was only a contract for 3 years), I was qualified as a counsellor and ready to start my own private practice.  

Life has intervened and I've not been able to devote as much time to it as I imagined, but I developed a small client base and got regular sessions, which made a reasonable contribution to our family income.  After so many issues then arose due to unidentified (therefore unsupported) neurodivergence within my family, I had to step back for a while.  But I'm now reinventing myself as a ND counsellor, specialising in autism.  I only have a few clients and our circumstances mean that I can't take on any more, but this job works much better for me and I could happily continue well into retirement age. 

I don't have so much money, that's true, but yes, things have been simplified and I have more of a sense of purpose.