Not up to working, tired of staying at home

Thank you, these are some really good ideas. I like the idea of the lists to live by, I am already stationary shopping online tonight to find the planners and notepads I need to make them! What other sort of things do you make lists for, is it for stuff to do each day as well?

It sounds like you have built a nice life for yourself, Im really glad for you. It sounds like what I am trying to do

Thank you, I will have a read of that 

It's quite a long read but I could relate to A LOT: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.631596/full 

I'm trying to find a shorter read il post if I find one

Please dont apologise! I am finding it really interesting and helpful reading all this and I hope you figure things out too

Yes I am hoping to build up to volunteering in the future. I dont think im quite there yet. I did make some charity bracelets from home and sold them at church so that was a little bit of volunteering. 

What is autistic inertia? I havnt heard of that 

Sorry to hear your sick at the moment, I do hope you are able to get back to writing soon. 

This is really helpful thank you, I might try that list thing. A lot of the things on your list seem the same as mine! Feeding the ducks is like my therapy I do it nearly every day. I also picked apples from the woods in my village recently, sadly they went mouldy before I could do anything with them but I picked enough blackberries to make 4 and a half jars of jam

I think my main problem is that I am putting pressure on myself and trying to rush my recovery. I keep trying to find a job and get back to how I was before and its just making the whole thing worse. Trouble is I dont know how to do it any other way

That's a great story, and congratulations on effectively turning your life (or a major part of your life) around.

Yes, things did seem to line up in a strange way for me.  The interpersonal skills course was something of a revelation to me, leaving me wondering why on earth there hadn't been such a course at school.  I also found that a large part of these courses turned out to be what I thought of as psychology and they fitted very well with all of my self help experience from over the years.  In fact, some of the self help books I'd already read were on a table in the corner of the room for students to refer to.

I did think, after my experiences in finance and 3 redundancies, that I might not be up to working in any capacity, but being in more suitable work really helped.     

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position at the moment. It sucks, I know, but it won't be forever and I'm sure sooner rather than later things will pick up for you.

Burnout is hard to deal with and then recover from. Give yourself time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself it will slow down your recovery.

I understand the feelings of waking up and not really having anything to do specifically like working. I am also into writing and do write professionally. Was full time but not anymore as I'm sick. But when I wake up feeling like I've nothing to do I set myself goals and tasks to complete, usually the night before, it gives me a purpose and that's a big help and boost to my self esteem.

Some things on my list check sheet is

• Write 5,000 words.
• Organise the cupboards.
• Pick apples from the tree.
• Brush hair.
• Feed the ducks.

Just stuff like that. I know it's not a lot but it does still help fill in the day and make me feel a bit better.

It sounds like you have kind of got things how you want because life is now simpler. It's funny how things work out but I think sometimes things happen for a reason. I dont think it should be about the money. It should be about getting life how you want it so it works for you. I too did a short interpersonal evening course and have thought about taking it further. Or I'm considering further studies in an area I'm interested in. i think your niche as an ND counsellor is a worthwhile one because there aren't many! It's useful to hear others' experiences. I want a simpler life which works on my terms but still with interest and engagement. Im considering an easier job but it wouldnt fulfil me and i think working for myself would be better. Thank you. Sorry for hijacking your thread Billy!

Hello there.  It's been a very long journey and I was actually always just too scared to start out on my own.  It's not something I ever imagined I'd do. 

But various things happened, including a diagnosis with a late-onset genetic disease for which there was little information and no support locally.  So I ended up running a support group online, in order to share information and chat with others and then, after a while, I met up with a consultant who was already running a local group and trust fund and we agreed to expand it into being a national charity.  So then I ran the helpline in my house, expecting to give out information over the phone then and send out newsletters and full details in information packs.  This happened sometimes but what mostly happened was that some very distressed people called just to chat and cry over the phone.  And I rapidly realised that I was being pushed into the role of support worker or even counsellor.  

What I then did was sign up for a very basic course in interpersonal skills, one night a week at my local college, so that I felt better equipped.  Well, the course, I found, was amazing and contained loads of information that I felt I'd missed out on all my life.  I must emphasise that at the time I didn't know or even suspect that I was autistic.  But when, after a few short weeks, the course ended, I eagerly signed up for the next level, and then the next.  I was then faced with the option of taking it to degree level, with the actual degree being in counselling, with loads of skills practice, observation and assignments.  So I thought long and hard about it because it would be time consuming and expensive.  I'd also never really seen myself in this kind of support role. 

At the same time, though, I was being edged out of yet another finance role and, during the eventual (and seemingly inevitable) redundancy meetings, I realised that they were paying me so much to just disappear that I could afford the degree and still have a fair bit left.  As luck would have it, and in spite of all the stress of the process, they were unwittingly helping me to reinvent myself!

I never went back to finance or office work again.  I was able to get a part time job working for the Expert Patient Programme, which fitted nicely with my charity work and used counselling skills in a small group setting, and I also started taking on some volunteer counselling work.  By the time that job came to an end (it was only a contract for 3 years), I was qualified as a counsellor and ready to start my own private practice.  

Life has intervened and I've not been able to devote as much time to it as I imagined, but I developed a small client base and got regular sessions, which made a reasonable contribution to our family income.  After so many issues then arose due to unidentified (therefore unsupported) neurodivergence within my family, I had to step back for a while.  But I'm now reinventing myself as a ND counsellor, specialising in autism.  I only have a few clients and our circumstances mean that I can't take on any more, but this job works much better for me and I could happily continue well into retirement age. 

I don't have so much money, that's true, but yes, things have been simplified and I have more of a sense of purpose.           

Jenny what do you do working for yourself? I can quite clearly see how what i think has been a long slow burnout has contributed to physical ill health. I'm trying to weigh up all my options to give me a simpler life but still with some purpose. 

I only work a few hours each week and working for myself from home these days.  I absolutely don't want to return to the typical sort of job as I fear it will make me ill.  Again. 

So...   I do have a fairly lax routine here at home and this involves:-

- a fair bit of cooking and baking.  Sometimes this is a chore but it mostly give me pleasure and saves a bit of money in that I can make huge batches of stuff and then freeze some.

- quite a bit of gardening, both indoors and outdoors.  Some of this is purely for pleasure because I love nurturing plants, seeing the first little seedlings come through and getting a lovely, if untidy display of flowers.  One of my north-facing windowsills indoors is reserved for orchids and epiphytes, and I check that I'm maintaining a mini "cloud forest" here for them and mist them regularly.  But this hobby also feeds into my baking because I grow lots of herbs and chillies, things that will fit onto my kitchen windowsill, plus a few additional things outside - only a small garden but I have several dwarf fruit trees (lots of apple crumbles and pear tarts coming up) plus larger herbs like fennel, rosemary and mint.  I started out with a few recipes from a book called the "garden to Kitchen Expert" and built up from there. 

- lots of reading.  Getting a Kindle has helped me to keep the clutter down plus ebooks are a bit cheaper too

- watching lots of videos and webinars on neurodiversity as we struggle with a LOT of issues here and I'm desperate to find answers

- a bit of meditation and chi kung, when I get time

- I also deal with many of the practicalities, our finances and grocery shopping etc, while my husband does a lot of the dusting, hoovering and tidying.

 - I keep intending to do a bit of artwork, especially since I feel that my creative side got stamped on at work, but I simply haven't got round to it yet.  There's still time, I hope.  

I do also have what I call "lists to live by".  These started out as just a shopping list and a to do list, but have expanded to include planning files and also - these have actually turned out to be the most fruitful for me - and extra notepad upstairs next to my side of the bed and downstairs next to my computer,  so that I can capture any thoughts or ponderings that seem useful or insightful to me.  The bedroom one gets used the most because I seem to get lots of thoughts when I'm trying to get to sleep.  


A bit of walking in the locality (there's a small nature reserve around half a mile away) and I've kind of pieced together a life.  :)    

I find this really difficult when off work. I think autistic inertia is actually a real thing and I'm better when there's an external force acting behind me (ie work or appointments) to help shape my routines. Otherwise I flounder. 

What about if you can't work but could you volunteer one day a week? It could be telephoning befriending or some admin for a charity. So it doesn't have to involve travelling. Volunteering gives you no pressure but a bit of focus to the week possibly. To build a routine around. It's just an idea.

Thank you, all of this is very helpful 

Billy87 said:

So my question is, to those of you who dont have a full time job, are there any routines or techniques you use to make the day interesting and to make it go well?

I have daily, typed lists, for me and for my husband.  My husband ignores his.

Having an old house and garden there do seem to be endless chores relating to both to be done.

I read a lot, at the moment a novel and 2 factual books on autism.

I go out driving, sometimes with no destination - it's a shame you don't have the driving option.  I learned in my mid 40s and got my 1st car in my late 40s.

Photography is a great interest, for stock sites and just for pleasure.

My husband and I (sounds like the late Queen) buy each other National Trust membership for Christmas.  No other presents, just that.

That gives me the ability to visit places for 'free' and it is a great asset when I go out on my own as normally I wouldn't walk in the countryside as a woman alone but as it costs a fortune to go into an NT place I feel relatively safe.

Having hated work in every social sense, the ability to structure my day as I want and to not have to do anything social unless I want to, is something very precious to me.

Sorry you are struggling,  I hope things get better for you and that you find some useful suggestions on this thread.

Hope you get sorted, Lad!

However, life without a job does suck; even though work melts the brain.

I'm fortunate to have the family home, and land, sold. But the family attitude to money wasn't healthy.