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Job interviews that didn't go well

Deleted user
over 2 years ago

I thought others might be interested in sharing their experience of job interviews.

I am in the lucky position now of not having to work but I found it very hard in the past to get a job because I found the interviews so wholly traumatic.

In fact, the last years of my working life I worked for agencies because then I didn't need an interview.

Possibly the  worst:  I was being interviewed as a secretary for a Church of England Cathedral.  I was asked 'what part do you believe that the Church of England plays in the lives of ordinary people today?'.  My reply was that I feel it is irrelevant to the majority of people, who only really find it relevant at Easter, Christmas, Weddings and Funerals.

I knew immediately that although I spoke as I felt it was completely wrong and I should have lied.  Their faces dropped and I think they would have liked me to leave the room immediately.

Now I understand why I spoke as I felt in the light of my autism diagnosis.  I find saying what people expect/want me to say very difficult, despite many decades of 'masking'.

Job interviews (and jobs) are a huge test of a person's social skills and their ability to dissimulate, I think.

Does anyone else have a story to share?

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    I always found it a very tricky situation and had to mask for my life whenever I was interviewed.  Unfortunately I didn't realise that I was masking or even that I was autistic, so I actually thought that this was something everyone did, at least to a degree.  It sounded as though they went through something similar when they were getting their CVs together and planning answers to common interview questions (Where do you see yourself in 5 years time, what is your greatest weakness, what would you say your greatest accompishments have been, etc etc).

    But I did all of this and more.  The preparation was horrendous and I even practiced my body language, making eye contact and using assertive statements.  This all meant that I often only got the job by pretending to be someone else and that then, once I was in the role, I confused my employers by slipping back into extreme introversion.  Sorry, employers, I couldn't help it because I needed to make a living and your ads (with their terms like "Self starter", "Shirt sleeves approach" and " team player") seemed to suggest that qualified individuals who were introverted need not apply.  I got sick of being screened out because my personality didn't measure up to my qualifications!

    So yes, I'd absolutely agree.  Interviews test social skills, ability to dissimulate and basically whether a person is good at interviews.  I wish I'd felt I could have been more honest.  I even mentioned my full, clean driving license with fake confidence and a smile, without mentioning that I was often plunged into a state of extreme panic at the thought of driving into an unknown or even just a busy area.  And conveyed self assurance and experience when it came to presentations or speaking at large meetings, even though I was actually terrified and those experiences hadn't gone at all well (leading to self medication on some occasions).

    All very difficult and it may be different now with a proper diagnosis.  I always felt I could only succeed by imagining "the right person for the job", fleshing out that person in my mind's eye, then stepping into that imaginary character for the duration of the interview.  I'd been listening to a lot of Paul McKenna at one point and I actually thought this was what I had to do until I became comfortable with such situations.  I was monumentally wrong.  

    Again, though, in my defence, I feel as though they made me do it.  My living depended on it.  :(       

  • over 2 years ago in reply to Jenny Butterfly
    Jenny Butterfly said:
    This all meant that I often only got the job by pretending to be someone else and that then, once I was in the role, I confused my employers by slipping back into extreme introversion.  Sorry, employers, I couldn't help it because I needed to make a living and your ads (with their terms like "Self starter", "Shirt sleeves approach" and " team player") seemed to suggest that qualified individuals who were introverted need not apply.  I got sick of being screened out because my personality didn't measure up to my qualifications!

    Yes! This is exactly what Id always do in job interviews. They say they only want this sort of person so I have to pretend to be it. And then theyd act surprised how once I was in the job, after a few weeks, I wouldnt match up to that and Id be me again. It would feel like I was a disapointment to them

    Jenny Butterfly said:
    stepping into that imaginary character for the duration of the interview

    I once pretended to be Roger Moore in my head to get through a job interview 

    Every job Ive been in I always thought after a few months they probobly wish they hadnt hired me, apart from one where they really seemed to like me but I had to leave that after 3 years due to my current burnout and I miss them terribly. 
    Even there though, there were a lot of problems with bosses and people 

  • over 2 years ago in reply to Billy87

    Yes, I could fake it for interview purposes, and even for a few days into the job, but thereafter I think I just puzzled everyone.  And people who'd believed in the mask initially asked me what was wrong, although after a couple of weeks they stopped and just went with a very revised and unfavourable opinion of me.   

    Well, what on earth WAS wrong?  I'd basically found myself in an alien culture surrounded by people who, when I didn't perform or interact in the same ways as them, simply carried on regardless, blamed me and edged me out!  They correctly identified that I was in some ways different and thereafter some of them honestly felt like sharks circling around me.  And, naturally enough, my anxiety increased still further and my performance reduced.  It was easy to make mistakes when in a state of panic.    

    It's such a pity about your 3 year job as it sounds as though this could have continued if the burnout could have been headed off.  All very difficult though and a shame we just can't have some time out to recover - burnout is just not a term that's generally understood, let alone accommodated.   

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  • over 2 years ago in reply to Billy87

    Yes, I could fake it for interview purposes, and even for a few days into the job, but thereafter I think I just puzzled everyone.  And people who'd believed in the mask initially asked me what was wrong, although after a couple of weeks they stopped and just went with a very revised and unfavourable opinion of me.   

    Well, what on earth WAS wrong?  I'd basically found myself in an alien culture surrounded by people who, when I didn't perform or interact in the same ways as them, simply carried on regardless, blamed me and edged me out!  They correctly identified that I was in some ways different and thereafter some of them honestly felt like sharks circling around me.  And, naturally enough, my anxiety increased still further and my performance reduced.  It was easy to make mistakes when in a state of panic.    

    It's such a pity about your 3 year job as it sounds as though this could have continued if the burnout could have been headed off.  All very difficult though and a shame we just can't have some time out to recover - burnout is just not a term that's generally understood, let alone accommodated.   

Children