Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought others might be interested in sharing their experience of job interviews.
I am in the lucky position now of not having to work but I found it very hard in the past to get a job because I found the interviews so wholly traumatic.
In fact, the last years of my working life I worked for agencies because then I didn't need an interview.
Possibly the worst: I was being interviewed as a secretary for a Church of England Cathedral. I was asked 'what part do you believe that the Church of England plays in the lives of ordinary people today?'. My reply was that I feel it is irrelevant to the majority of people, who only really find it relevant at Easter, Christmas, Weddings and Funerals.
I knew immediately that although I spoke as I felt it was completely wrong and I should have lied. Their faces dropped and I think they would have liked me to leave the room immediately.
Now I understand why I spoke as I felt in the light of my autism diagnosis. I find saying what people expect/want me to say very difficult, despite many decades of 'masking'.
Job interviews (and jobs) are a huge test of a person's social skills and their ability to dissimulate, I think.
Does anyone else have a story to share?
I always found it a very tricky situation and had to mask for my life whenever I was interviewed. Unfortunately I didn't realise that I was masking or even that I was autistic, so I actually thought that this was something everyone did, at least to a degree. It sounded as though they went through something similar when they were getting their CVs together and planning answers to common interview questions (Where do you see yourself in 5 years time, what is your greatest weakness, what would you say your greatest accompishments have been, etc etc).But I did all of this and more. The preparation was horrendous and I even practiced my body language, making eye contact and using assertive statements. This all meant that I often only got the job by pretending to be someone else and that then, once I was in the role, I confused my employers by slipping back into extreme introversion. Sorry, employers, I couldn't help it because I needed to make a living and your ads (with their terms like "Self starter", "Shirt sleeves approach" and " team player") seemed to suggest that qualified individuals who were introverted need not apply. I got sick of being screened out because my personality didn't measure up to my qualifications!So yes, I'd absolutely agree. Interviews test social skills, ability to dissimulate and basically whether a person is good at interviews. I wish I'd felt I could have been more honest. I even mentioned my full, clean driving license with fake confidence and a smile, without mentioning that I was often plunged into a state of extreme panic at the thought of driving into an unknown or even just a busy area. And conveyed self assurance and experience when it came to presentations or speaking at large meetings, even though I was actually terrified and those experiences hadn't gone at all well (leading to self medication on some occasions).All very difficult and it may be different now with a proper diagnosis. I always felt I could only succeed by imagining "the right person for the job", fleshing out that person in my mind's eye, then stepping into that imaginary character for the duration of the interview. I'd been listening to a lot of Paul McKenna at one point and I actually thought this was what I had to do until I became comfortable with such situations. I was monumentally wrong. Again, though, in my defence, I feel as though they made me do it. My living depended on it. :(
Paul Mckenna lol. I spent months listening to him every night in the hope that something might change. It was never going to work as I giggled inside whenever he said the word Trance. It's quite a short word to pronounce in yorkshire but down south its like. Traahnce. I just couldnt take the guy seriously.
Ah, I took him seriously for quite a long time and some of it became embedded in my mind and did actually help a little. But I think I was adapting it into my own inner voice and words as his did jar a little. I also at one point bought loads of InnerTalk CDs in order to try to brainwash myself into being more confident and at ease in the world (mainly the world of work and especialy interviews and presentations). Other attempts included:
- various prescribed meds
- various OTC meds
- various alternative meds
- alcohol
- several books on interview questions and techniques
- courses on being assertive and doing presentations (incl. a couple run by the local Chamber of Commerce, Anxiety UK and even some in house ones run by employers, which I pretended would be useful to help me to "brush up" or "refresh" my skills rather than virtually build them from scratch when really things had become untenable for me and I wanted to escape and try my luck with another employer).- avoidance, usually under the guise of my physical health problems as I felt these were more acceptable and relatable to my managers than just admitting I was incredibly nervous and unable to cope. I also sometimes backed out of interviews too, if they happened to land on a bad day.
- applying for absolutely loads of jobs so that I ended up with a whole rake of interviews and could practice desensitising myself to them. I ended up with 8 interviews in one week, which sort of shared the pressure out over them and allowed me to believe that each individual one didn't matter, because there was another coming right up behind (not saying it wasn't draining though). i'm sure the list could go on. What I didn't do for the longest time was follow my heart, seek work that suited my personality rather than my qualifications and just accept myself, including the fact that I'm never going to be an effective manager in a corporate environment and that's OK.
Yes, that's just so hard, especially when it feels as though society (esp. education and the workplace). I think it can be a long process and to be honest I still feel like a work in progress. And I started not with an idea of what I wanted to do specifically, but more the working environment I needed, how much contact with others it would involve, whether there would be any kind of hierarchy and what sort of culture might suit. Even then, it took a lot of time and a fair bit of luck (the bit many won't own up to because they prefer to believe that it's all down to their personal abilities and efforts). Also recognising the role of luck when it does happen - my last redundancy was very drawn out and upsetting at the time, but it actually represented a lucky break. So it might sound lame, I know, but I wish you the best of luck.
Yes, I think so. At least to the extent that I'm now aware of my authentic self after decades of masking. I did use betablockers for a while but found I had to take excessive doses to quell my nerves. I phased them out but for around 5 years carried them around in my pocket, like a kind of talisman, "just in case". Generally speaking, though, avoidance often turned out to be the only safe course of action for me and I used this in minor and more serious ways. I kind of hid behind a poorly understood medical condition and took as much sick leave as I felt I could safely get away with. I arranged conflicting appointments and meetings so that I'd have to delegate the one I felt most nervous about and, when all else failed, I feigned sudden illness, hid in the toilets and cried. Naturally none of this was going to make me employee of the month!So now I basically do the opposite and don't venture into what I consider to be hostile environments. My changes could also be considered to be major avoidance, but moving towards being self employed and working from home gives me much more choice and autonomy. Mind you, I also genuinely believe that in some ways I would have been better off staying on benefits until I could find my niche. And that's coming from someone who's had quite bad experiences of poverty and the DWP. The toll of masking and constantly trying to fit in to toxic workplaces was just so great though.
Jenny Butterfly said:What I didn't do for the longest time was follow my heart, seek work that suited my personality rather than my qualifications and just accept mysel
Im still trying to figure out what that is for me
Jenny Butterfly said:What I didn't do for the longest time was follow my heart, seek work that suited my personality rather than my qualifications and just accept myself, including the fact that I'm never going to be an effective manager in a corporate environment and that's OK.
I hope that's what you have done now.
I took beta blockers before interviews, meetings or anything that made me anxious in the corporate setting.
My main way of tackling this though was just avoidance, big time.
It's great to meet someone who has experienced the same deep anxieties as me over this.
All the best to you.