Frustrated at the lack of support for mild ASD

I have created a consultancy for companies and schools to use to advise on how to look after their autistic employees, and those with other neurodiverse conditions. I got fired from my first job (illegally) because they said they couldn't provide for an autistic person (it wasn't the sole reason for my dismissal but they said "bad body language" ,despite me telling them, i was autistic and the autism was the reason for this). they actually even said that they wouldn't be required to have a disabled lift if they didn't have any disabled employees - again, this is actually illegal you are required to have accessibilty even if none of your employees have a disabiltiy. 

I’m concerned about your situation. Have you tried the MIND website for support? This might be a good place to start : https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/how-to-help/

Samaritans take SMS as well, at 85258. Text the word SHOUT

If your partner is under 35, there’s Papyrus UK Suicide Prevention on 0800 068 4141

Lol this was like reading something I have written myself. I have very mild autism and ADD

They also never have anything for parents that have  the disabilitys and the children don't have. As I have.

Also my partner is has chronic depression and wants to kill himself and I don't know what to do but cry as my emotions are always present and intense. 

That’s a really interesting approach, I’m sure it will bear fruit for you since you are putting serious energy and work into it. Anything which helps understanding has to be a good thing, of course.  And you are certainly right about hesitating to go along with a trend. 

Thanks for this. I'm actually much more interested in the neuroscience - what connects us to start, but I'm speaking more about biology rather than personality. What makes everyone unique isn't exactly helpful for 2 reasons. 1. when trying to examine something from a scientific point of view, the fundamental structure needs to be understood. 2. Collective individualism is profoundly neurotypical (and for good reason if you look into the Jungian Mask and the Collective Unconscious), and Autism cannot be a 'moving target' when another needs to understand how to communicate. There are still the laws of nature and fundamental resources we share to meet at. The psychology is rather interesting when looking through the lens of psychoanalysis, and the mechanics of the neurotic ego (the death drive, for example, or repression of desire). These features were originally assigned to all humans. From what I've found, though, it's quite possible that Autistic 'neuro-wiring' might not be driven like or have the same Motives as the Neurotic. 

The problem is that there is still a profound lack of research. The similarities between Autism and ADHD are just now really being understood: Gamma Waves and a lack of filtering incoming signals. Nothing really rigid. Just a bio-function design like high arches or longer limbs or red hair. These two functions tho, produce a whole range of experience. But then red heads apparently don't tend to have vitamin D deficiency. So, what makes a 'trait' or design unique along similar 'prototypes', might have an advantage. 

So while have similar neuro-wiring, it appears ADHD individuals can communicate with both Autistic and also 'Neurotic' individuals without thinking twice. And I'm curious about having discussions as I don't quite trust diagnostics yet. I have 2 friends who are therapists who don't really understand the basics of autism unless 'presented' a particular way. How many aren't diagnosed and should be? How long have we been getting misdiagnosed, like the misuse of BPD. Without proper scrutiny, I am rather hesitant to just go along with a trend. 

So, I am genuinely curious what others are being told or what their experience is and if there's something different or particular to the dual Dx. :) 

Hi, ADHD and Autism are known to be frequently found in the same person. I have ADHD and I’m Autistic. Since you said you want to expand understanding, have a search for  ‘ADHD and Autism overlap’ or ‘co-occuring’ or something like that online. Lots of articles, studies and so on. Sometimes my ADHD is in the driver’s seat, sometimes autism. I think of both (maybe it’s my age) as much less rigid than you suggest - more like strong tendencies. But we’re all different, of course. There’s a Canadian lady on Youtube who is both autistic and has ADHD (can’t remember her name, unfortunately), but she talks eloquently about living with both, including the positives.

I really agree with what your saying, I dislike the labels like ‘high functioning’ or mild,they seem to be used more in America for insurance purposes. The level of  ‘ low functioning’ was given if someone had an IQ of under 70, there wasn’t  much correlation to being autistic. Yes I may not need the level of support that some autistic people need, but I can assure anyone that I often need support. The DSM-5  I think quotes that high functioning people, REQUIRE SUPPORT. It seems with the high functioning label that your just patted on the head by someone who isn’t autistic and left to get on with it because you are clever.

I got told through my childhood that I was shy, I wasn’t, I was being autistic. I look like I cope in my work but most of the time it’s hell. I really don’t know what the answer is.

My husband is just coming to terms with the fact that he is probably ASD (mild, high functioning) he hasn't been assessed and I'm not sure he will be but because we are having our sons assessed for ASD & ADHD he is becoming more aware of his behaviours / traits. He is questioning everything about himself, both past and present and I think he would love to be able to speak to a "professional" about this as he probably wants validation or explanations as to why he behaves the way he does.  I can do this to some extent but I can't relate to many of his ways, but can perhaps understand it more now.  It can't be easy for him.

I have told him that I find this community really helpful but I don't think it's something he would use.  I offer the advice I come across if I think it might help him.   I did find a couple of therapists via this website who specialise in ASD counselling services.  The first one wasn't great, didn't even get back to him about arranging an appointment, however the second one seems to be helping him to unpick things.  I don't know if this is something that's available on the NHS as it is costly, but it certainly should be.  Unfortunately the waiting times would probably be very long.  

Hopefully in time, with more recognition and understanding there will be more support groups - if you do set up your own group let us know! 

Christina’s Journey (ADHD and ASD) said:

In some ways, being exhausted from hiding what I didn’t know was easier. Ignorance is bliss as they say.

Yes but it isn't sustainable to live in a way which is not in tune to your natural needs. I also think resources focus on stereotypes are not helpful because they are just going off behaviours rather than how an actual autistic brain works. I can't speak for adhd.

Hi, I’m new here (42 years old) and a lot of what you said resonates with me. I was diagnosed with both ADHD and ASD earlier this year. I’m highly functioning (not to be confused with intelligent, as I’d say I’m of average intelligence) and hold down a demanding job in a senior position. 

I believe I am extremely adept at what I now know is ‘masking’. So much so that no one believes my diagnosis. I’m outgoing and social and not the stereotype the media portrays. However, I’m exhausted from hiding my autism. I also find that it difficult to find support for ASD of this type as I find the resources centre around stereotypes. I agree with you that ADHD with ASD feels like a different thing altogether. I really struggle in the workplace and knowing now why I feel/think the way I do. In some ways, being exhausted from hiding what I didn’t know was easier. Ignorance is bliss as they say. 

Thank you for sharing. 

First - I feel this site is a little place where maybe some of us can offer a better perspective to parents. Outside of this, I am trying to find ways to disrupt ALL of autism research. 

I'd be curious to chat more about the combo ADHD / Autistic Dx. 

From my point of view, and those I've chatted with, add the ADHD individuals over the years who've always befriended me, or been drawn to me, they seem to be able to communicate fluidly with both Autistic and non-autistic individuals. What seems to connect us is our hyper-active full-brain thinking, a rich inner mind, full of chaos and connexion. However, ADHD individuals don't seem to mind external chaos while Autistics appear to despise it, or are even traumatised by it. A lack of filtering sensory information also seems to be the same, only ADHD individuals seem to be able to channel or arrest overload with a greater ability than Autistic peers. It seems that while there is overlap, how we deal with being human is different. Curious why you're also diagnosed as Autistic?

I'm always looking to expand understanding of this!

Essentially all of the autistic adults who are on this forum are of average or above average intelligence. There is a definite problem with an overemphasis on autistic children that is found everywhere. Which seemingly ignores that autism is lifelong and autistic children eventually become autistic adults.

I just got my ASD diagnosis a few days ago, but suspected it for years. Autism will have just as varied a population of people as Neuro-typicals. I struggle with the social aspect and just self-medicated through alcohol to push through the anxiety and bulldoze my way through social interactions. I wouldnt say I was an alcoholic, but I'm pretty sure any Doctor would say I needed to tone down my consumption.

I've been voluntarily dry now for a couple of years, the social anxiety has come back but I'm old enough and ugly enough to just not care. Once I reach my limit I'm out of there.

I've been a salsa dancer for quite a number of years now, when you are doing that back to back several nights a week people think you're being social.

Onto the subject of mislignment between organisers and target audience, the issue is the people involved not to which group they belong. People that can swim help those that cant, People with money can assist those that have none. Do you really think that Martin Luther King would have had less impact if he were white?

All people from all walks of life have difficulties with relationships and work culture, the only difference lies in the triggers for those difficulties.

Also lots of different groups get stereotyped its just human beings being dumb. I've lost count of the number of times I've been underestimated based on my profession or appearance. I once walked into a Salsa Club, walked up to a young lady and asked her to dance her response "Can you even?" admittedly I am a white bald guy wearing glasses she'd never seen before. She didnt know I taught Salsa and even won competitions in it. Appearances can be deceptive.

Yes exactly. The media portrayal of autism is not helpful.

I also can take longer to understand things.

It is interesting to read your post. I note firstly your comment about most people on here being low functioning. I guess I am probably of average intelligence but autism means it sometimes takes me a while to work things out. I find some posts in here difficult if they are very long and some concepts too complicated to grasp which I presume means they are of higher intelligence than me.

I am different from you in that I don't enjoy clubs and pubs and do not find conversations in groups easy. However with someone I know I am comfortable with conversation 

I am also interested in your comment about ASD and ADHD. My son has both. He only likes socialising with people he knows so can find groups hard. However where we differ he can be loud and can't concentrate for long which I can find hard when I need to relax at the end of the day 

Finally, you say no one else seems to be like you, maybe others will relate to what you say. The thing that annoys me with some neurotypicals is they think they understand all about autism because they have done courses or met some autistics whilst not understanding it is a spectrum. I come into contact with autistic people in my work but although there may be some likenesses each one is also different in their needs.