Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm new to the community. I've not tried talking online and I do feel a little anxious but I'm hoping this will be a safe space for me and I'll be understood.
I live with my family but they don't believe in autism and see it more as an excuse and force me to talk and do things that trigger me and cause anxiety. I was diagnosed a few years ago had to go through it all on my own my family didn't want me to do it and said I wasted NHS money and time. I'm having to mask all the time every day and it's tiring me out and I get burn out. I've literally no one to turn to and no one who understands me and what I'm going through.
I've noticed that my autism is getting worse, the things that affect me I mean. Is that common? I don't know much about it. I get eye sensitivity. I'm sensitive to lots like sounds and touch but my eyes and brightness are affected really bad. Everything is so bright, I wear sunglasses a lot now even inside because of my eyes. I can only use my phone and laptop for about 10-15 minutes before my eyes start hurting before it becomes too much for me. Usually the result is me feeling tired, dizzy and my eyes feel like they are strained.
Digestion is my other issue. My stomach hurts, get feelings like trapped wind a lot like there's lots of movement in it, very uncomfortable and things can be 'loose'. I do have IBS and anxiety so it's probably linked with this but I do struggle with it and feel it's worsening.
And last other than struggling with being social is anxiety. I have anxiety and it affects me each and every day but weirdly it doesn't have a trigger, or if it does I've no idea what it is. I'm anxious all the time for some reason and it causes a lot of physical and mental effects but nothing seems to improve it and I no idea what causes me to feel so anxious. My doctor keeps suggesting medication but I know side effects are common and I don't want them so I say no.
Just feeling alone at the moment.
Very alone.
I'm not sure how old you are. But our human physiology can become less resilient the older we get. Mid 20's is a good time to start taking a multi vitamin. Mid 30s to stop binge drinking and Mid 40s to eat a salad every day (depending on allergies).
My first suggestion would be to go on a FODMAP diet. Mind your biology and perhaps look into more allergy testing. I cannot digest legumes (including the peanut, which is a bean) or cruciferous veg (mustard family) which includes spinach. I'm also coeliac and cannot have grains except white rice. Sugar can add problems with inflammation. Also, I've discovered Lemons are amazing for digestion. But I would look into this. My father fasts one day a week. I'm quite small so that might mean I'll have a few almonds and an apple if I need to stop eating for a day. I also take probiotics which help.
Light, sound and other unnatural sensory elements in the world have been getting worse. I can handle a laptop but only with natural light sources. My eyes will hurt fast if trying to read even a book under LEDs or CFLs. LEDs are not natural light (they don't mimic the sun like a filament bulb) and your brain will have to work hard to deal with them. Keep one halogen lamp around for the evening. https://lightaware.org They are legal for those of us with light sensitivity.
From what I've found, Anxiety can be part of the autistic hyper-connected autistic 'brain'. We need to learn conflict resolution skills. Resolution is related to monotropism. I've found life-skills incredibly useful. The more I understand about the human psychology or philosophy or how the world works, the less anxiety I feel socially because I have a better understanding of what's happening even if I can't really play along. However, my brain will latch onto a melody at times and it will send my head into an excitement which accelerates into anxiety. It doesn't happen all the time, but it's such an overload that anti-anxiety meds are the only thing I've found to shut it down, like a switch. I've also found them useful to work through conflict in relationships that resulted in heart-break. However, a note that anti-depressants do not help as they don't deal with the same elements in the brain.