Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
Two bits of advice.
Cultivate having a "good heart", people really like that, and it will compensate for a lot of the autistic difference. (As well as make your own life more pleasant and manageable.
And, there's a book I recommend in my profile that was enormously helpful to me when I was in my twenties, to both obtain and manage my human relationships.
I think that's my own worst enemy some times. People take advantage and then like I'll meet a girl and theyre like "oh you're too nice for me".
Having a good heart is WAY different from being a doormat. I made that mistake long ago, too!
But most people when they realise that they are getting taken advantage of, start closing themselves down into a mean way of living, and that does not work very well either. The secret is to decide who you will let take advantage of you (because they need to and it will make a difference) and this includes MOST "beggars" I believe (ignoring the stories of the few who make a sucessful living at it). so whilst becoming more discretionary you DON'T loose your good heart.
*Edit* and sometimes "your'e too nice for me" might be a way of saying "you repel me, but I know deep down that I am shallow as a puddle, so have this nice platitude instead"... You had a narrow escape probably!