Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
Yes, it's frustrating, but it can get better over time. At your age most women, and men for that matter, are really only out for a good time, relationship-wise and sexually. Apparently shy and undemonstrative autistic men are not a great catch, in that scene. But when women reach their mid to late 20s they tend to start looking for long-term relationships and more reliable, less loud, less flashy men become a lot more attractive.
That's pretty much what happened to me.
With the added bonus that most of the flashy "hunky" guys look and were completely "ruined" by their late thirties, whereas I seem to have just got to be a better prospect as I got older.
(Whilst they were out having a good time, I was developing comprehensive "caring" and "DIY" skills).
Also the more partners you have, the harder it becomes to fall in love & stay in the relationship that develops from falling in love. It seems to be cumulative too. (from observation)
Those who are selling all this new fangled "50 shades of grey" pursuit of "maximum orgasm, you can be anything you want", are viciously concealing the downsides to some of the lifestyles that they have been trying to push onto our kids with increasing effectiveness since I was a nipper.
Reproductive sex has a vital purpose in life and sets you on a course that you are designed to follow, whereas vapid pleasure seeking, not so much.
I was taught in my youth, that a full human relationship had a triangle of Love, Sex, and Marriage where each leg of the triangle synergises with and reinforces the others. I've found little evidence to disprove it in the 48 years. Forming a relationship based simply on love or sex doesn't seem to cut it for very long.