Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
You are probably just missing one vital thing..........patience!
Keep going to the gym. Keep driving. Keep writing.
Keep yourself sane and calm. (That's an important one mate!)
Keep your eyes and heart open.
Keep your options open and don't discount anyone for any reason.
In my experience, some of the least likely people that I could have ever have imagined (thinking back to when and how I met them) have became my most cherished friends. I don't have many.
It isn't quantity, its quality that matters in the long run...........but we all need to survive day-to-day too.
So in the meanwhile - one of my mantras = "company is company"
Seek out company wherever and whenever you can.
Stay calm and collected and don't put NT pressure on yourself "to perform." You are who you are and that's fine.
Take a walk - its a big world out there filled with possibilities - but it does take time, so be patient.
Good luck.
Number said:don't put NT pressure on yourself "to perform."
apply that to everything, so you don't end up burnout by 30y.o.
Mariusz said:NAS81486 said:don't put NT pressure on yourself "to perform." apply that to everything, so you don't end up burnout by 30y.o.
NAS81486 said:don't put NT pressure on yourself "to perform."
.....or in my case (because I'm super stubborn, self reliant and thought I was NT) 45 y.o. !
The longer it takes to reach that "Mega / Long-term Burnout" = the hotter you will then burn baby !!
Always be yourself (even if you don't like yourself that much and are not happy.)
My burnout was somewhere between 1.5 to 5 years...depending on how you define it.
I built myself a padded cell and put myself in it for for the first 13 months - and I'm not joking!
I'm stubborn like a dead donkey !
I found out I was autistic at 50. Hit me like a lightening bolt. I realised that I had already crafted almost everything in my life to accommodate my unknown autism - hence why I had been able to survive so long with only cyclical burnouts (albeit damaging ones) and generally under the ND radar.
Now I working out how to thrive (hopefully) as my authentic self, rather than just survive as a masked mannequin.