Talking about your autism

My advice is don't share your autism is general conversation.  Most people are bigots and autism is a stigma.

I only share in mental health group sessions where the others are often worse than me.

I have found when ive told people they don't know what to do with this information. It's been a bit like "ok. And...?" I am still the same person they knew before. I think some have changed the subject because they don't want to offend or don't know what to say. Especially if you don't meet the stereotype.  I've over shared at community groups as I felt it was a safe space and relevant then felt daft afterwards as I *appear* to have no difficulties. And I wondered if these people actually needed to know. Part of me wants everyone to know as I feel we need to show different sides to autism, not just the expected presentation.  But part of me thinks it isn't really anyone else's business unless I need specific help.

You can talk here, self diagnosis is valid it just may not get you any adjustments you think you may need at work etc.

1. Hi I need help my anxiety is getting in the way

Hi, I’ve tended to tell only a few people outside of family. Most  responses have been positive. I found family have been harder at accepting it, my mother still won’t use the words  autism / autistic. I think she would burst into flames!  
The first friend I told came straight back with,” I thought you was, I was diagnosed as autistic 15 years ago.” We get on even better now and have some amazing conversations. We chat but never go out socially together. Unfortunately he is moving to the Isle of Wight on Friday. My other friend, yes I have 2, is severely dyslexic so is also neurodiverse, his reply was, “ I thought you was”.  The strangest was when I decided to tell a customer, I was falling massively behind with work I was doing for him. His reply was, “ I’m so sorry, I’m going to pray for you”. I really didn’t know wether to laugh or cry. My advise is to choose who you tell because once you open Pandora’s box to them, you then can’t close it. Some people are loud and proud and that’s obviously brilliant, some never tell anyone. You just have to gauge the person which I know is a challenge in its self. Does the other person or you have anything to gain from them knowing. It is a hard question. 

Hi have you spoken to your gp about this?

I've read a lot about autism/aspergers and suspect I may be on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. Do you have any advice for an adult on getting a diagnosis? Or somewhere online where I can talk to like-minded individuals?

I ask, because every time I've said in the internet, "I am undiagnosed but I think I may have autism" I get beaten into the ground for being a "faker" and it usually takes about 6 months before I get the courage to mention it again. I just want to talk to someone about it...

Thank you. I really hope to help bring clarity about our neurodifference.

Awww pls don't beat yourself up about this. It's hard enough dealing with autism. I'm naturally like this too. Feeling I've gone on and on not knowing when to put the breaks on and then it sinking in afterwards but it's too late. I make myself feel better by telling myself to be more reserved but then just doing the same thing all over again next time. It can't be helped, what can we do? I say listen more and speak less, that's why God's given us two ears and one mouth.

NTs often, like everyone, feel uncomfortable with change and about things they don't understand. Also, about subjects which are personal and sensitive. So I would guess that those people who have gone silent have done so in order to protect you, from their responses which may be ignorant of the knowledge required to effectively communicate their thoughts on an evolving subject which they are hazy about.

In short, this might be the best we can expect, in society, at this time. Tolerance.

This tolerance will likely open up as they themselves start to learn more about it, so their response will likely change over time now they know your diagnosis. Given them a chance, it has likely taken you a long time to learn about what autism is yourself.

But well done for taking step 1 of a lifetime of steps to come :)

You write beautifully

This is a really interesting question. Speaking personally when I realised I was autistic i told my wife straight away and i didnt tell anyone else for several months,then I told my parents, then my work collegeus and then I put it on facebook as I thought it was an easy way of telling everyone I knew and not hiding the real me anymore.

This week I opened up to the vicar of my church about it for the first time

Its worth remembering that NT people will never "get it". No matter how hard they try to understand they are not in our heads and their brains are not wired like ours so they will never truly understand what we are telling them.

However, this does not mean that they cant be supportive and understanding and helpful. My family for example cant truly understand but they are supportive of my autism and do their best to learn about it and give me the encouragement and support I need.

Sometimes when I explain it to people they look at me blankly for a while, like I am speaking a foreign language and I know that what I am saying doesnt make sense to them

I think sometimes people feel awkward talking about it because they dont understand it, perhaps thats why people are changing the subject when you talk about it. Its good that you are open about it though, its easy to act ashamed or embarressed cos thats how society makes us feel but its good that you are unafraid to talk about it

Maybe the change the subject because they doubt you are actually autistic?

Maybe they are uncomfortable talking about it, or just disinterested? 
I would tell people as and when they need to know. It’s not your problem how they choose to deal with it, so don’t dwell on what they’ve said, or how they acted.

I overshare about all sorts of things all the time. I often don’t realise until days later, and think, hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have said that! I can laugh about it. It’s just how I am. 

Wombles said:

my autism

I think this phrase can cause problems, unfortunately.

Autism is a specific Neurotype and though we are all different, Autistic thinking is a specific set of variables much like extroversion or the definition of a coffee bean. There's 2 things to note.

Jung created a set of Archetypes which turned into the Myers-Brigg personality types. While we cannot squeeze all 7 billion humans into 16 types, each variable plays a particular key in degree to a functionality. A trait, like hair colour can be identified in the population on certain humans. Certain traits are noted a drivers license. Like Height. In itself, it creates a template which can be filled in with what defines the uniqueness of the individual, which might be their essence or personality. And all personalities can be matured or ruined, we can grow into the best of our selves or default to a limited version by not taking care to apply principles which help us grow.

Autistic thinking, from what we understand currently, is a particular way of perceiving, reasoning and experiencing the world. We're wired different, but there are some very specifics which make us autistic. Within this frame will be variations on how it manifests due to different childhoods, different traumas, different personalities. So, essentially it's Our Autism. 

What "My Autism" implies is a moving target. It implies that it cannot be understood like psychoanalysis has understood the NeuroTypcial brain for hundreds of years. It implies something that isn't grounded in science. And more importantly, it's a N-Typical phrase that started with Advertising in the 1990's. My coffee, my way. My M&S. My club card. 

One of the problems we've run into currently is everyone being forced to accept or tolerate everyone else. And at the expense of my feeling understood or even at the expense of time I don't have. I personally don't really care and don't really want to hear what others do in their bedrooms. I'm a bit more of a private individual and do care about appropriate boundaries. It's OK to not indulge, but it is somewhat Autistic to info-dump. We can have too many things going through our heads all at once and I find I process better out loud. But then I also use words different.

I think it's far more important to simply be an integrated human with good principles who genuinely cares and wants to create an aesthetic in the world around. What autism is, is still a mystery to most, and while we can appreciate one another oversharing, the way it's perceived by NTs can be hard for them to follow. But we are talking about neuroscience and psychology and sociology all at once. Most people don't read the news from a trusted source let alone peel through medical journals. 

And maybe their brains won't ever "light up" the same. Their connectors are usually focused in the language/semiotic "compartments", they might not make the kind of eureka connexions like we do, and that can come across in a way that makes them feel 'less' or tired or embarrassed. I try to focus on building a few important relationships because as time goes on, the understanding of Autistic Wiring will come better into focus and then I won't need to explain Gamma Waves and Beta Waves and signal to noise ratios and how primates shouldn't dull their senses and so on. 

Maybe try being discreet and choosy with your thoughts and self. You are under no obligation to share anything. There is something to nurturing our inner being like a greenhouse not just anyone is welcome to enjoy. Being responsible for what another must intake, carry, listen to, etc., can be an intentional act of kindness as well. But in the company of other Autistics? Share away. 

Hi I think it’s a difficult one and there will be as many different responses as there are people. Sometimes people are uncomfortable or don’t know what to say it might not be that what you’re saying is annoying them. 

I have now spoken to 4 people outside of my family and all 4 have given different responses but thankfully no one has said anything to upset me.

Two people reckon they can recognise traits but another, not dismissing it, but didn’t see anything wrong so to speak. Having said this I feel very cautious of who I share with right now especially as I’m not formally diagnosed just assessments which are indicating so. If it’s confirmed I feel I need time to get my head around it and come to terms before I share as I feel vulnerable already and don’t want to risk being hurt.