Not Understood

Definitely agree with this. My support worker has hooked me up with another local organization that helps people with mental health issues into volunteering, they also have a business team for people that want to start their own business.

I'm not quite there with being myself at support groups yet, too much anxiety at the social groups for me to do anything but stare at the floor and listen but the more familiar I become with these people the less anxious I feel around them, but the activity-focused groups are good cause I'm doing things and have a valid reason for not speaking to anyone.

I was diagnosed earlier this year at the age of 57. Have been misunderstood all my life. I don't go out much, but have realised through attending an autism support group that it can make you feel better to mix with like minded people who you can be yourself with. I had convinced myself that my anxiety was so bad that I was unfit for work, but have found a job with a disability confident employer, who asked at my interview what adjustments I might need, so I feel supported before I even start my job. There is hope for us, we just need to have the right people around us.

Hi Lovewell, welcome. I've been isolated from other people most of my life, never picked up the social skills that people expect me to have as an adult, and anyone I try to explain my problems to just doesn't seem understand what I'm talking about. Then I found this community and realized there are people in this world who do understand.

I do some drawing at an art support group I go to every week, I'm really bad at it but enjoy it regardless. I used to be of the opinion that I was better off alone, but going to these groups has made me realize there is value in having friends. I'd be happy to chat with you about art (or pretty much anything besides sports and politics) whenever you like.

As for being too anxious to get away from the negativity, I would suggest trying to push through the anxiety. Whenever something makes me anxious, after I've got it over and done, I always realize that the anxiety was just a hump in the road and on the other side of that hump things aren't as bad as I thought they would be. I thought that I wouldn't be able to handle the support groups I'm going to, but it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be when my support worker first suggested it 6 months ago. 

hello, i myself have found, being away from those that share genetics with me has improved my life a lot.

however, the circumstances surrounding it and my current situation, i would not recommend.

but, i was kind of forced into my predicament, as could've so easily been avoided.

but, if you get to a stage, manage to self motivate, and have it be YOUR CHOICE, then, things will get better without the constant put downs, negativity, selfishness, and utter ignorance, assuming your family situation is at least similar.

I say that too, why not

Well family is a person's first social bonding experience, and if that is bad, it's no wonder that trying to create new social bonds with others outside the family (friends, work, partner) would be tremendously difficult and riddled with anxiety. 

I came from an abusive home, so it's no wonder that my social skills were impaired, and that I would be anxious no matter where I went. I also took joy in drawing and animating, because it gave me hope for a better world than all the negativity that I was experiencing, and sometimes drawing was my voice for the negativity, because I was silenced. I mean I wished that my family was kind and supportive, but not all families are like that. Destruction and chaos is their normal, which is why I chose to distance myself from them now. 

I unlearned what they taught me, and learned other ways of socializing. Social skills are just a skill, and I just learned the skill when I'm older. I mean it's like learning a second language, it's not perfect, I mean there's something like an "accent" to my social skills, there's some kind of social anomalies, but people just know it as my quirks and they get used to it, and it helps me fair well in daily life.

I mean by comparison, my family would aggressively yell at employees and put them down, then get the authority figure (the manager) to handle the complaint that the incompetant employees could not handle. I used to avoid employees because I was too scared to talk to them. Now I can just greet them, ask them a question, order food, and end things with "have a nice day." Simple and no drama involved. I learned things like eye contact, smiling while talking, and hand gestures, when I was in adulthood. I even learned boring small talk. These social skills make all the difference. Anything I didn't learn in childhood, I'll learn now as an adult, because why not. 

That's great to hear, you are among friends here who understand a lot of what you are going through.

Thank you I'm feeling more cheerful already. I already feel more understood and accepted here than in my home.

I forgot to say, I met my first friend when I was 28, I did not realise it back then yet he is a friend, it dawned on me years later

Hi Lovewell, hopefully at least typing that out helped you a little bit. It's a hard road and I guess some people just won't ever really understand. I'm sure there would be lots of people who would love to be your friend, but I do know that it doesn't always feel like that because it can be hard to find them and I have always had terrible trouble making friends too.

I'm glad that you found this place, I only recently joined and have already found it very welcoming and reassuring. That's a good first step. Also, it's great that you have your drawing and animation, even if it is just a hobby, it's great that you have found something you love doing.

I don't really have any good advice on getting a job when dealing with anxiety: the only thing I can think of, which sometimes works for me in situations where I don't think I can do something, is to think to myself 'OK, maybe I can't do that. But supposing for a moment I could, what would be the next thing I would do'. It can be surprising how much progress you can make towards something you think is impossible, by taking it one step at a time.

Hello Lovewell

you need to find a job, so you could move out and live solo, 

I live solo, and I like it, nobody tells me anything, and i can be solo, when I feel like it

I work in a supermarket, finiding job is not easy

Sorry to hear that this has you feeling so low, understandable as that is. I just a moment ago heard a colleague refer (in an overheard conversation) dismissively to someone they know - who recently split from their partner - as 'on the spectrum'. The tone was very much '...so what do you expect?' and it hurts to hear that as I'd told this colleague (and the person they were talking to) of my autism diagnosis a little while ago and their reaction seemed measured and non-judgemental... then. But in a moment of forgetfulness maybe they've shown another side, forgetting I was in the outer office. Or maybe I'm being over-sensitive. Anyway, you'll find lots of people here who 'get you' and I hope it gives you a sense of positive community and support. And as well as old fogies like me, there are younger people here too who I'm sure you'd have a lot in common with more generally for forging a good friendship. Time will tell, it always does. 

Hello, I am sorry you feel this way. It must be horrible to have no one who understands you.

I imagine you may feel quite isolated, but hopefully it is reassuring to know that we are YOUR autistic community. We are here for you. You are not alone and may really benefit from the intuitive understanding that comes from chatting to and sharing experiences with your neurokin.

You are an amazing autistic person who deserves to be validated and valued for who you are. You are not a ‘drama queen’ you are an autistic person responding  proportionately to the environment, it seems like your family struggle to understand this because they experience the world very differently.

Your responses to your environment are reflective of how your autistic brain processes information and therefore how your nervous system works. 

You say no one wants to be your friends but I am sure that many autistic people on this forum (including myself) will be happy to befriend you.

Your hobbies sound interesting, what do you like to draw?

I hope this reply helps you feel less alone and makes you realise that there are people who will understand you. You are just starting to find your autistic tribe, welcome.

Sorry to hear that you are having a bad time, we are pretty friendly here so stick around and hopefully we can cheer you up.