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Not Understood

Lovewell

No one understands me and I'm saddened by that. I feel like people don't even try to understand me, they just look and then decide I'm not worth their time. Sad thing is even my family do this to me, treat me horribly tell me I'm a drama queen and most of the time pretend I'm not there. I have no friends, no one ever wants to be my friend.

I try to tell myself it doesn't matter and I'm sure there's people out there who would like me and want to be my friend but I've never met anyone like that yet. I desperately want a job and to get my own place and away from all the negativity but my anxiety is so bad I can't do it. I do a lot of drawing, animation and I'm hoping that will go somewhere in the end but for now it's just my hobby and fun. 

I'm hoping here I can at least find someone who understands.

Parents

  • Well family is a person's first social bonding experience, and if that is bad, it's no wonder that trying to create new social bonds with others outside the family (friends, work, partner) would be tremendously difficult and riddled with anxiety. 

    I came from an abusive home, so it's no wonder that my social skills were impaired, and that I would be anxious no matter where I went. I also took joy in drawing and animating, because it gave me hope for a better world than all the negativity that I was experiencing, and sometimes drawing was my voice for the negativity, because I was silenced. I mean I wished that my family was kind and supportive, but not all families are like that. Destruction and chaos is their normal, which is why I chose to distance myself from them now. 

    I unlearned what they taught me, and learned other ways of socializing. Social skills are just a skill, and I just learned the skill when I'm older. I mean it's like learning a second language, it's not perfect, I mean there's something like an "accent" to my social skills, there's some kind of social anomalies, but people just know it as my quirks and they get used to it, and it helps me fair well in daily life.

    I mean by comparison, my family would aggressively yell at employees and put them down, then get the authority figure (the manager) to handle the complaint that the incompetant employees could not handle. I used to avoid employees because I was too scared to talk to them. Now I can just greet them, ask them a question, order food, and end things with "have a nice day." Simple and no drama involved. I learned things like eye contact, smiling while talking, and hand gestures, when I was in adulthood. I even learned boring small talk. These social skills make all the difference. Anything I didn't learn in childhood, I'll learn now as an adult, because why not. 

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