Set feelings

autismtwo said:

quote"One needs to learn to recognise when our fears are well founded and when they are not.".. Yes that is my brainwiring issue with autism,, any suggestions how to do so ?

I wish I knew, 'two! I wish I knew!

I think, however, it starts with intellectually recognising the situations and conditions that make one fearful and questioning the validity of those fears.

If the fear is well founded, then the process need go no further, however if it is unfounded then one can rationalise the situation, recognise that the fear is unfounded, and perhaps start to lay down the neural pathways that will help us to develop a more appropriate reaction.

The human brain, whether typical or autistic, is highly plastic and can be shaped by experience.

There is a whole field of psychotherapy, called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (or NLP), that uses this very principle.

Good honest reply scorpion, thank you

"However, because we no longer live in the world which we evolved to live in, it malfunctions, and we often fear things we have no need to fear.".... this comment is eye opening,,, in my heart I would wholly agree that "we no longer live in the world which we evolved to live in".

quote "Fear is not a lack of joy, if anything it is a lack of trust. A lack of joy is sadness",, technically true, but with joy, there is less sadness and less fear, more trust.

quote"One needs to learn to recognise when our fears are well founded and when they are not.".. Yes that is my brainwiring issue with autism,, any suggestions how to do so ?

Fear is not a lack of joy, if anything it is a lack of trust. A lack of joy is sadness.

But, moreover, fear is a protective system, that evolved to help us avoid harm.

It is therefore potentially dangerous to ignore, or play down, a fear response, as we may, indeed, be in danger.

However, because we no longer live in the world which we evolved to live in, it malfunctions, and we often fear things we have no need to fear.

One needs to learn to recognise when our fears are well founded and when they are not.

Thank you stone,, a good overview again

once a friend, a friend for life... so set feelings do have a positive upside

autismtwo -I know what you mean about avoidance - or self-preservation if you look at it from a different angle. I'm pretty good at avoidance myself.

In the beginning we think we are interacting with people (NT's) in the same way as other people, and we puzzle over why we get different reactions to others. Once we are diagnosed we understand.

In the old days before AS was recognised, our behaviour was thought odd, and to avoid getting negative reactions from others we often learnt to avoid certain people and certain situations - the ones that produced those unpleasant reactions. Instinct, I suppose, taught us to read potentially bad situations. So your set feelings with certain people could be self-preservation.

The thing is - now we are 'recognised' should we expect people to behave differently towards us in interaction - after all you describe trying to alter your behaviour.
I read somewhere once that if you practice a new behaviour for long enough, your feelings about what you are trying to conquer will alter as a consequence. The set feelings become 'unset'. I'm not sure that can be true for AS though.

I like the idea that fear is just a lack of joy. I'll try to remember that next time I am scared, though fear may chase the words out of my head. 

thanks for the advice stone  I am master of avoidance as it is, i am now being to understand that fear is just a lack of joy.

Yes.

I don't think you can make your feelings more flexible.  Even if you try to appear more 'approving' of them outwardly, it is not going to work.

Firstly - you are going to feel awful because you will be trying to be dishonest, insincere.

Secondly - it's not going to make them appear any less 'uncomfortable' to you, inside.

Best question what it is about them, that is making you uncomfortable with them in the first place. Then possibly avoid them, if it's not nice.