Published on 12, July, 2020
Yesterday I wrote a post about finding the day difficult and occasionally experiencing ‘difficult days’ where nothing seems to work the way it usually does. I grow increasingly clumsy, changes to routine (that would usually make me anxious) impact hugely and my ability to interact with people goes out of the window.
Well I managed to navigate the day and made it to bed meltdown free, but I have woken up with many of the warning signs that it is about to happen again. My morning routine was impossible to stick to, which has been a little bit upsetting. But also my noise sensitivity has gone up a few levels and I’ve become quite a bit clumsier than normal. I’m going to have to brace myself for another tricky day ahead.
The thing is, one year into my diagnosis, I’m really trying to figure myself out. But it’s hard to know what is what. What are my warning sings? What are my triggers? What is linked to ASD and what isn’t? Perhaps the difficult day I experience yesterday was not what I thought and maybe it was an early indicator for a period of imminent burnout? Maybe that’s why I’ve woken up to the same feeling this morning. I don’t know, but then again, does anybody?
This whole thing can be tricky at times.
It may have been a difficult day that you haven’t fully recovered from. One bad day doesn’t mean you will be fine the next. It’s a learning curve, and you need to be very gentle and patient with yourself after stressful events. You might not even realise what is causing you stress in the first place.
Or, you might be heading for burnout. With the latter, you will become more sensitive to things, less tolerant, and you can certainly stop functioning unintentionally. You may lack motivation too. Routine will go out the window, and it’s constant.
For me, burnout last a very, very long time. It’s all-consuming. I don’t think I’m over mine from late 2020.
Thank you for this. I think patience and gentleness are things I show to others incredibly easily, but I’m never able to show my self the same courtesy. I’m not sure why, but perhaps it’s all the years of trying to keep up in a world not designed for ASD (unknown to me at the time) and beating myself up for not being able to.
Perhaps it is recovery from a bad day or two, or perhaps it’s the signs of burnout. I have experienced burn out before, but I’d not really paid attention to my warning signs and therefore cannot properly recall what the are. I did go through quite an extreme period of burnout for me a few years ago that lasted for more than a year, but this doesn’t seem to be a typical length of time for me. I think I can identify when I’m in burnout, where I experience the aspects you mentioned, but I’m finding identify the early warning signs difficult.
I think I’m trying to help myself by figuring this out, but perhaps, if I’m approaching burnout, I’ve picked a poor moment to do so.
Thanks again for your input!