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Chelek
over 2 years ago

I react quite badly to any form of change, shock or surprise.
An email about a direct debit rise for example can send me into a tailspin. Even something tiny, such as an assistant unexpectedly removing and keeping a coat hanger from an item of clothing at the checkout can cause stress and anxiety 

I had other examples in mind, but am still reacting to something  that happened recently so I can't think properly right now. 


It's not that I can't be impulsive, because I can. But anything that blindsides me can send me into a small or a major meltdown

My ways of coping are to sleep, or if that isn't possible, play a game on my phone or watch a favourite TV show wearing my comfy clothes.  But I'm looking for ways of managing my reactions to changes, rather than just coping after I've had the reaction.

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    My friend hyperverbalises to me when he has a schedule change and we coregulate.  Sometimes I send him for a "processing nap".  

    For me, I am learning to ride the wave and feel the pain and wait for it to subside.  Then I can deal with it.  I think part of it is fearing that I am overreacting, but accepting that reacting strongly is what my brain does helps me rationalise it better.  

    Unfortunately those waves keep getting bigger and bigger, because the thing I am reacting to started 18 months ago and it's still not resolved to satisfaction.

    Lots of this is tied into a "loss of control" aspect whereby I cannot control outcomes, so facing a change in direct debit or a schedule change like a friend cancelling can be devastating for us.  At least initially.  Recognise the feelings as they rise, try to give a name to them and play the role of observer in what is happening to your body.  Is that feeling lactic acid, adrenaline or cortisol surging through your body?  How is this going to affect the rest of your day?  Is it something that needs addressing immediately or can you dump it on a "later" pile?  Can you tell a trusted friend how you're feeling, just to validate you and acknowledge how much it sucks to feel like that right now?  Find your control strategies, learn what is happening to your body, share the words somewhere.

    I also have an unmonitored email address I just write things to when I need someone to talk to but have noone to talk to.  It helps me to just get that energy out.  

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    My friend hyperverbalises to me when he has a schedule change and we coregulate.  Sometimes I send him for a "processing nap".  

    For me, I am learning to ride the wave and feel the pain and wait for it to subside.  Then I can deal with it.  I think part of it is fearing that I am overreacting, but accepting that reacting strongly is what my brain does helps me rationalise it better.  

    Unfortunately those waves keep getting bigger and bigger, because the thing I am reacting to started 18 months ago and it's still not resolved to satisfaction.

    Lots of this is tied into a "loss of control" aspect whereby I cannot control outcomes, so facing a change in direct debit or a schedule change like a friend cancelling can be devastating for us.  At least initially.  Recognise the feelings as they rise, try to give a name to them and play the role of observer in what is happening to your body.  Is that feeling lactic acid, adrenaline or cortisol surging through your body?  How is this going to affect the rest of your day?  Is it something that needs addressing immediately or can you dump it on a "later" pile?  Can you tell a trusted friend how you're feeling, just to validate you and acknowledge how much it sucks to feel like that right now?  Find your control strategies, learn what is happening to your body, share the words somewhere.

    I also have an unmonitored email address I just write things to when I need someone to talk to but have noone to talk to.  It helps me to just get that energy out.  

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