Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone understand how humans work? I have no idea. I honestly feel like I have more in common with ducks and hippos than humans, I can understand their behaviour and relate to them better. I feed the ducks every day and I get on great with them. I visit the zoo alot and the male hippo there recognises me and greets me
I don't understand humans, they seem so cruel and unkind and no matter how much I wrack my brains I don't understand why. Learning to interact with them feels very like learning a foreign language. There are all sorts of things I'm apparently not supposed to do that seem perfectly logical to me to do and so many things I am supposed to do that make no sense at all. I don't understand the things that seem to matter to them either. Navigating social situations with them and the dos and don'ts of that is terrifying, stressful and confusing but I have to do it everyday to hold down a job.
I also wonder if it is a nationality thing? When I meet people from other countries I seem to be able to get on with them a bit more often and have a bit more of a connection with them but I don't know if that's just my imagination.
My special interest is Germany, football, music, food and culture. I feel happy when I'm doing German stuff. My other special interest is cricket, that seems to make me feel calm and peaceful
I don't want to stop working completely cos I need to busy for my mental health and I want to go out and play sports and see people and not be isolated but wow they are confusing
I find people so confusing and they make me extremely anxious and scared all the time. Even typing here online is stressful and makes me scared. I'd like to know people, have friends but at the same time I wouldn't. It's so difficult. I agree that it's better to be out working or doing something, staying in is really damaging if it's all the time. I'm trying to get out now, I've been in since I left school and I'm really suffering because of it now. I like cricket and tennis.
I really understand that. I find them exactly the same. It is difficult, I miss hanging out with people and socialising at the weekend but when I actually get a chance to do it I make an excuse not to because its too overwhelming for me.
Work is a double edged sword. It occupies my mind so I dont stay home and become depressed but at the same time it overwhelms me and causes the very anxiety and breakdowns Im trying to avoid.
Sorry to hear you have had to stay in since you left school. How long ago was that if you dont mind me asking? dont worry if you dont want to say.
I hope you are able to get out. Im happy to chat if you ever need it. I used to play tennis a lot too. I love cricket
Yes - getting out is really important. My son has problems with wanting to withdraw from life and I am trying to encourage him to come out more - even if it’s just for a walk. I understand how he feels though as I’m also autistic and my anxiety means that I feel like hiding away from life too sometimes. It’s a bit of a vicious circle.