Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
Right now I am experiencing really poor mental health and anxiety issues that she long term ongoing. I feel ill and constantly tired and withdrawn. It's like I'm in a weird haze everyday.
Anyway. I lost my my recent job at Amazon. Order picker. I was employed there for 4 months but honestly spent most of the time there off with sickness. I only had to sign onto UC again in early March. And have just started seeing a work advisor again in mid April. I am told to look for full time work and warehouse work again.
I'm totally feeling like a rabbit in the headlights. I can't even go into a shop right now without feeling dizzy and having terrible migraines. I'm not sleeping well either. My social skills are just awful. My confidence is rock bottom. I don't feel employable. Definitely not full time work which will just burn me out beyond anything.
I don't know what to think. Am I trully just lazy? I don't feel well that's all I can say. I feel under intense pressure and of course I am afraid of losing my UC money so I don't feel confident to explain how I really feel. I just nod and say yes I am looking for work etc.
I have mentioned autism.
I have got 10k of debt too. Built up over last 4 years while being in and out of work. I am thinking bankruptsy but not sure.
I'm totally overwhelmed. Any advise, support anything would be of help. I appreciate it.
Talk to Step Change about the debt, or your local CAB. They are there for that and there are other options (I know from experience). It's still a mess but less of a mess than you think right now.
I know. Its just getting moving. I put my head in sand way too much. I feel also I'm juggling so many balls with debt and worrying about future and changing job.
One thing is I'm done with warehousing full time. Being I have to earn money I'll obviously have to make sure I'm working in some way in the longer term. I'm actually seriously thinking of going into school teaching/assistant. I might be crazy but I actually enjoy various aspects of learning and I love history, science and IT.
It's super early days and I've a long road ahead but I'm going to explore options and look at adult college courses I can do. I've wasted enough years and I'm not getting any younger and can't let autism rule me like I sometimes seem to do. I'll just say it. It's pathetic. And I am definitely not incapable of achieving a great deal. Just this rut I've allowed myself to fall into recently. As they say, fail, try again, fail. I've most become afraid to fail. I'm sort of sabotaging my future by being resentful and being embarrassed and ashamed of my past. Being jealous of seeing people around me moving on and achieving things. It's really tough. That's the problem. Comparing myself to others. I know this is silly.
Might as well just go for it as I can only go up from here. The debt like you say is a big issue and I think is a big reason I'm struggling. It weighs on the mind even though you you hard to bury it away.
Jordon Peterson YouTube videos are also giving me a little positive push right now.
Thanks for advice to everyone here
You articulate all this brilliantly - I think you’d make a great teaching assistant. I’ve met many over the years and many are not as articulate as you are on here. Sounds like a great idea - and you’d be great at supporting autistic children in class too as you have such a good understanding of their needs.
I think so many autistic people take a long time to find their stride and real their full potential. They are often ‘late developers’. I think the problem starts with the fact that school is often difficult in all sorts of ways for autistic people - so they get off to a difficult start, and that can ruin our confidence. And if school doesn’t go well that often impacts on work further on. I know of many autistic people who are working in jobs that are well below their intelligence level - I think this is very common. Finding autism friendly professions is a real challenge. My eldest did really well at school and went to Oxford Uni - but he’s still found finding paid work that he can be ok with (or to be honest bear) has been really difficult for him. My youngest is not so able academically and more ‘noticeably’ autistic and I think he’s going to find it really challenging in the workplace. Also of course there are all the other life skills that are impacted by autism - my youngest finds it hard to understand finances etc. and the ‘value’ of money etc. I feel there’s a real gap in terms of support for adults with autism - there’s support for autistic people with more ‘severe’ (for want of a better word) autism - but not for those who are more able but still struggling. We need change. We need a more nurturing and supportive society overall.