Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
Right now I am experiencing really poor mental health and anxiety issues that she long term ongoing. I feel ill and constantly tired and withdrawn. It's like I'm in a weird haze everyday.
Anyway. I lost my my recent job at Amazon. Order picker. I was employed there for 4 months but honestly spent most of the time there off with sickness. I only had to sign onto UC again in early March. And have just started seeing a work advisor again in mid April. I am told to look for full time work and warehouse work again.
I'm totally feeling like a rabbit in the headlights. I can't even go into a shop right now without feeling dizzy and having terrible migraines. I'm not sleeping well either. My social skills are just awful. My confidence is rock bottom. I don't feel employable. Definitely not full time work which will just burn me out beyond anything.
I don't know what to think. Am I trully just lazy? I don't feel well that's all I can say. I feel under intense pressure and of course I am afraid of losing my UC money so I don't feel confident to explain how I really feel. I just nod and say yes I am looking for work etc.
I have mentioned autism.
I have got 10k of debt too. Built up over last 4 years while being in and out of work. I am thinking bankruptsy but not sure.
I'm totally overwhelmed. Any advise, support anything would be of help. I appreciate it.
Talk to Step Change about the debt, or your local CAB. They are there for that and there are other options (I know from experience). It's still a mess but less of a mess than you think right now.
I know. Its just getting moving. I put my head in sand way too much. I feel also I'm juggling so many balls with debt and worrying about future and changing job.
One thing is I'm done with warehousing full time. Being I have to earn money I'll obviously have to make sure I'm working in some way in the longer term. I'm actually seriously thinking of going into school teaching/assistant. I might be crazy but I actually enjoy various aspects of learning and I love history, science and IT.
It's super early days and I've a long road ahead but I'm going to explore options and look at adult college courses I can do. I've wasted enough years and I'm not getting any younger and can't let autism rule me like I sometimes seem to do. I'll just say it. It's pathetic. And I am definitely not incapable of achieving a great deal. Just this rut I've allowed myself to fall into recently. As they say, fail, try again, fail. I've most become afraid to fail. I'm sort of sabotaging my future by being resentful and being embarrassed and ashamed of my past. Being jealous of seeing people around me moving on and achieving things. It's really tough. That's the problem. Comparing myself to others. I know this is silly.
Might as well just go for it as I can only go up from here. The debt like you say is a big issue and I think is a big reason I'm struggling. It weighs on the mind even though you you hard to bury it away.
Jordon Peterson YouTube videos are also giving me a little positive push right now.
Thanks for advice to everyone here
You have to prioritise and not procrastinate. I know it's daunting, I have a similar experience.
What is the most important thing right now? The debt obviously. You can't start those other things with that stress hanging over you (or if you do start those other things you will only be able to give it half of your attention). Talk to Step Change and CAB about the debts, things can be done such as delaying payments, moving them to a cheaper place, spreading them out or even writing them off.
Then, build yourself a new routine with lots of time sitting in the park with a notebook thinking about your future and how to rebuild it. Go to historical places nearby you enjoy if you are able. Clear your head. JP has some OK lessons, I think, but most of it is just bible theories reformed and a lot is just him trying to sell his books.