Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been given a preliminary diagnosis of ASD, and awaiting full diagnosis.
I'm currently tyring to understand myself relating to meltdowns and sensory overloads.
So tonight my routine changed and my partner went on night shift (if which was out of the blue, so had not time to prepare). I decided to construct my lego set and build my McClaren, 2hrs into it I hyper focused and couldn't find my lego part and my inner voice told me I would meltdown. I ignored it once I found my lego part. 1hr later I realised I really needed to eat, so I made my mini pizzas and 22 mins later I took them out the oven and 1 slipped and fell topping first on the oven (ruining my over). I cleaned it up, without Turing the oven off.. Burnt my finger.. Didn't think -.-
So I tried cleaning it up, burnt the finger and just broke down.. I had a full on melt down and have only just managed to calm down 3hrs later.
The last time this happened, I had a sensory overload after seeing my lightbuld smoke, eggshell ended up in my Yorkshire pudding mix, and I just lost it. I've spent this entire week feeling low and just put of it, then this happens..
Can anyone tell me if there is a pattern, and if when you get your inner voice telling you that a meltdown is going to happen if it does follow closely behind, or to just ignore it like I did hours beforehand. I'm really struggling, and trying to understand myself is proving difficult. Plus Google is zero help haha.
Your inner voice or your submerged conscious self is always creating possible trajectories to calculate outcomes. You are not subject to this Whim and Fancy of Fate. But if you don't pay attention to a probable consequence, then you might be subjecting yourself to it, bringing it upon yourself. This is where ideas like 'allowing' someone to abuse us come from but that is a complex sequencing and by no means my fault. We should be held individually responsible for not abusing or harming another. AND we should be mindful to not harm ourselves.
All of life has this Consequence follows Action sequencing or Outcome follow Investment. A consequence or outcome can be good or bad, depending upon the action / inaction / investment / direction (add velocity, speed, etc.)
Taking a moment to stop, breathe and just allow ourselves to feel all the emotions we're experiencing is important. Now, I would've spent an hour looking for one missing piece as well, that's maddening. What needs to happen though is to acknowledge and respect our inner voice, which would've been telling you you're completely "out of spoons". So to be VERY cautious - and now move into a mode of being Intentional about doing One. Thing. At. A Time. I come to these points and take extra caution when walking up/down stairs. When performing a task involving safety issues, even eating. It's a different Mode of Operation. These are moments I chose to not let my guard down.
Eventually over time, the more we pay attention to this, the more we can assess if we'd like to switch modes and even put a pizza in the oven. Or just recollect that probably no one really died from fasting for the evening and forgo, maybe just have an apple.
A very interesting response to the initial question (which I too can relate to) so thanks for your input here.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:What needs to happen though is to acknowledge and respect our inner voice, which would've been telling you you're completely "out of spoons".
I can very much relate to this aspect you mentioned. I am new to learning this myself, but can see this being helpful moving forward.
Fairly recently I had had a very taxing and challenging day at work and was left feeling like a failure. In hindsight I was entirely ‘out of spoons’. Instead of coming home and recharging, I decided to try and change the narrative and do something that I could feel successful with so I set about creating a set of shelving that needed to be custom made for the small space available. Woodwork is a real interest of mine, so I knew I’d feel good for completing the task. My plan relied on me being successful with the task though, which, being completely out of spoons, I obviously was not. Mistake after mistake happened and resulted in a meltdown. This could have been avoided if I’d listened to that internal warning sign. A good learning point for me though as a result.
I have completed the project and started a new one since, but I made sure to do it when fully rested, so I could accept the odd mistake here and there (as happens in woodwork- at least when I do it!).