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Family and Bullies

Roy

Hi, first of all sorry for my slight outburst yesterday. This weekend has been the first time we have had someone to stay since lockdown. I always find having people in the house very stressful. I thought as this person is family that it was safe to tell them of my autism. I got told that,  “ I just don’t like anyone” I tried to explain that I have trouble understanding people. I got met with, “ you need to try more and not make this autism thing all about you”. I felt that I was back in the school playground with a bully. This went on for about 15 minutes, I don’t know if I’m angry or disappointed, most probably a bit of both.

This person is supposed to be highly educated, she had been drinking, I suppose someone’s true colours come out then. She is leaving today and I hope she won’t return.

  • You can take people out of the playground, but you can't always take the playground out of people.

    I got my eyes fixed by my optician years ago, so logically I really must go down the autician shop and fix my autism.

    Loose tongue, slurred lines and slurs - see the funny side.

  • i feel for you mate it is confusing and awkward and you really can only reply with telling her to read up on what your going through also i wouldn't take it to heart or try to understand what she was going through as she didn't give you the same courtesy.

    I was recently diagnosed let my family know my mother "so its an excuse for how horrible you were being" ah no it explains it doesn't excuse it they either accept or don't 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    I think this is something that one of my friends said to me post diagnosis. It was to the effect of already knowing me for who I am. It was a nice response very early into my post-diagnosis life. But typical for me, this passing comment has given me lots to think about and reflect on. Only this time, it is a reflection on what I would like from others whenever I disclose my diagnosis.

  • in reply to Oakling

    Good point Coffee Guy about us still being the same people that others have known for a while.

  • I am so scared of this kind of response. I am so sorry and sad for you that this happened and you had to experience such a thing. Not what you want or expect from a family member really. I hope you're feeling better today. Sending hugs your way x

  • in reply to Roy

    I think I’d come to terms with having some mixed reactions when telling people about me being autistic, but I still find it odd that people would react poorly. What is there to react to? We are still the same people they have potentially known for a while now etc. 

    I do agree about people being able to ask questions, learning about others is not a bad thing. I tend to just say that I’m autistic now and leave it up to the other party to how much information they want.

    And again I agree with SparklingAutistic in coming here to vent, rather than bottling things up as so many of us have had to do for significant lengths of time.

    I hope you have more positive experiences moving forwards from here though.

  • in reply to Roy

    Better to vent, than to allow negative feelings to fester and remain bottled up, I find.

    You sound similar to me. I dislike conflict and tend not to engage either if someone is ranting at me. My mother often used to rant at me, and it would often make her more angry when I ignored it. She thought I was intentionally trying to wind her up by not reacting. She's different now though, as I think she's finally realised that I won't tolerate being spoken down to and shouted at.

  • in reply to Oakling

    Hi, don’t let my experience put you off, I don’t tell many people of my autism (about 6) all have been supportive, yes some do ask questions but I think that’s good, it’s how we learn. I was really just venting earlier, it did just shock me, I tend not to argue with people, it often seems to make them angrier that I won’t engage with their rant.

  • I’m very sad to read this, but even more disappointed to read that you have had to experience this. Perhaps, as both you and SparklingAutistic have said, it was alcohol related, but this is an incredibly unfair response to your disclosure. It is the sort of response I dread to receive truth be told.

  • Oh Roy, I feel so sad for you that this family member's stay with you turned out the way it did, and caused you to feel the way you do.

    Maybe it was the drink talking and they didn't actually mean what they had said, or maybe this family member is actually quite ignorant. Who knows? At least you can breathe a sigh of relief now, knowing that she is leaving today.