Frustrated, like everything is on hold

Hi, 

I'm going to attempt to be brief, but it's not something I'm typically successful with. So apologies in advance. 

My name is Jade, I'm 30, and I've never felt like I fit into anywhere. Last year in August I was diagnosed with ADHD and it clarified and made sense of a lot of my life, but I still feel something is missing. That diagnosis, and looking into it came off the back of what was possibly the worst ASD assessment for an adult in the world. I'll come back to that.

I'm in a support group for ADHD and for the most part I click, but there are just some things...that aren't quite right. There's one particular person, though, who I do get on well with without it feeling as tiring. She has the dual diagnosis, works for a service diagnosing ND conditions in kids, and said her ASD radar went off for me immediately. Having spoken about growing up etc, she's pretty sure I'm on the spectrum. 

My assessment was 2019/18 or so. The questions he asked were very much taking things at face value, like how I am with small talk, and didn't delve into how, say, I learned to 'do' small talk (albeit badly, as I don't see the point). It seemed like he didn't listen, and for childhood symptoms ignored my notes and only paid attention to my mums (who had a lot going on and I was looked after by my nan a lot, there's a lot she doesn't remember). In the report he'd say things that were outright contrary to what I said - said I was fine with small talk (but then added if someone had been away or something unless I had a particular interest in the area it wouldn't occur to me to ask about it). He said I was fine with public transport, despite me saying that I hate it and there are too many perfumes and deodorants and some days the physical contact is too much...but I have no other option. Oh and he'd asked if I had any repetitive movements, but dismissed all my small ones and was looking for very distinct flapping of hands.

He said there was no evidence from my childhood - my mum wrote that I played by tidying up, she'd get my toys out and I'd put them away. I'd spend hours spinning on the swing, chairs at the hairdresser's...so on. He said I made good eye contact, despite the fact that I was looking past his head out of the window. No stims, despite me demonstrating at least 3 in his presence, they're just not always overt. Basically lots of things ignored. 

At the end he told me I just needed to have more confidence in myself. 

By this stage, I'd seen mention of overlap with ADHD symptoms, particularly in women. So I made the mistake of asking about that as a possible answer.

"ADHD is for hyperactive little boys. Anyway, you completed your degree so you can't have it."

So, yeah. I'm currently trying to get help making a complaint about him. At the same time, that's the service we have here, so I don't know about getting a second opinion. I keep trying to bring it to the GP,  but there's that much going on for me right now it never gets addressed. 

Realistically it doesn't *matter*. But at the same time some of the discussions I have with my partner when we're supposed to go somewhere...I just want to know what makes me up. At least why some things like certain social rules completely pass me by or make no sense. 

Which, on that note, how do I get out of eating the worst roast dinner ever on Easter Sunday? I've never managed to avoid it at my partners family's house when we go. I eat less and less every time because I can't just suck it up when I'm already overloaded. But between them being pushy and nothing being cooked the right way...I always end up having to eat something, then I'm still hungry anyway because I can only bear so much, and what I do eat usually seems to set my stomach on an episode too. Not sure what that's about.

Yes the last bit is a bit silly, but the feeling of dread leading up to those Sunday lunches is real.

Mostly it's the whole feeling stuck thing. Just wanted to get it out somewhere. So thanks if anyone took the time.