Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello community,
It's nice to meet you.
I received a diagnosis of autism yesterday. I'm 50, I'm in shock, and I also feel a bit like I'm falling into a deep hole of confusion. While I'm now glad to have a treatment framework to work within, I'm also feeling very sad that I didn't know about this until now, the latter of which seems to be a common theme I've read here.
Should I tell my extended family? Should I tell my workplace? Should I be open about it, or keep hiding my true self? I'm not sure what to do. I've been ashamed of being different my whole life, so it seems counter-intuitive for me to share this neuro-divergent diagnosis with neurotypical people.
Thanks for reading
Hi,
I was in my early 40s when I received an 'unofficial' diagnosis (my local CCG wouldn't agree to fund an 'official' diagnostic assessment, so my GP had got me to do an online AQ test). The diagnosis came as no surprise because I had always felt as though I was on the outside looking in, and had found life a constant struggle.
Initially, I felt relieved and had no qualms about telling friends and family I was autistic. My friends were and continue to be supportive, but with the exception of my adult son, I found that my family were indifferent.
I can relate to the feeling of being lost. After my diagnosis, I had naively believed that my GP would refer me elsewhere for some form of post-diagnosis support (one-to-one counselling, etc). When that didn't happen, that's when I came crashing back down to earth and felt lost.
It's interesting that you felt relieved. I guess I feel kinda relieved, but, at the same time, I feel completely thrown by the diagnosis. I'm trying to see it as a good thing to be able to move forward with this knowledge when I didn't have this knowledge before, but I'm still finding it hard not to break down and cry every 2 minutes
If you'd had no reason previously to suspect that you might be autistic, then I can fully understand your sense of shock and confusion. My relief stemmed from the fact that I had spent my life feeling as though I didn't quite fit in, and finally I had an explanation as to why I was the way I was. Whilst my diagnosis hadn't come as a complete surprise to me, there were moments when I felt overwhelmed by it and would feel tearful.
I totally understand this. I spent at least two weeks trying to process it and yes I did cry (a lot) but it gets better. It's like you have to learn to accept yourself all over again but then you realise you haven't changed at all! Stay strong everyone here newly diagnosed. I'm about a month in from my diagnosis and to be honest it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this process.