Autism Burnout

A subject I'm always rearching for more information on.  In our family one of the issues is that any articles are usually framed inthe first person, whereas we need help from the third person perspective - i.e. a carer or parent seeking to support a loved one through it. 

I'm really not finding much.  :(   

That's a shame, have you tried Twitter or other social media where parents/carers discuss things?

I'm not on Twitter but have joined several FB groups, incl. being part of Asperger Experts for several years.  I also really appreciate the work of Kieran Rose (and I went to see him as he lives just north of us) and Jodie Smitten.  However, much of the material is individual accounts based on individual experiences.  Jodie has a course on burnout and, although it's intended for children and teens, much of the material is more generally applicable and quite helpful (though not for our more intractable situation).

Anyway, you'll see I've posted about burnout elsewhere in these forums with some of the resources I've found.  What I'm lacking is more on how to help an adult who won't engage with services, nor look through these materials himself.  What I'm doing is:

- maintaining a calm, nurturing household
- hoping that this provides the low arousal environment needed
- no/low demands 
- making ourselves available to listen open-endedly as needed
- generally adopting a person-centred approach

Even with that, the problem persists, and has done for years.  Being at my wit's end just doesn't really describe it any more because that's now just our way of living.  It's chronic and severe, whereas in many of the videos I see, it's episodic and more easily overcome (NB not to say it's easy as such, but it doesn't last for a decade!).  What I'm finding is that many of the videos are done by quite articulate and well presented people and I can't transfer very much of it to help a loved one who has retreated from the world almost completely, has very poor to non existent hygiene and will barely speak to us (or communicate via other available means).       

Well, I hear lots of swearing going on, which actually is better than nothing because it flies in the face of any suggestion of "flat affect"  and at least indicates some level of engagement.  It's also entirely on his terms which probably makes it feel a lot safer than the world out there.  

In many ways the world isn’t safe - so it’s not so strange really to feel like that. As things are so difficult for your son I’m so glad that he does at least have the gaming community. Hopefully he’s enjoying that aspect of his life and is communicating with others sometimes through that. That’s something at least. 

Yes, it's quite a familiar feeling to me too.  It's not safe.  Plus expectations out there seem quite high to me.  Just for a basic job and a small income.  I think our home has been becoming a hermitage for some time now, especially since the time our son dropped out of college because he could no longer continue on the conventional path.  

When I was 17 (when the severe issues really emerged in our son) I only coped socially because the young lad who became my first boyfriend pursued me relentlessly and wasn't put off by my lack of speech and aloof manner.  This eased my transition into adulthood and I probably used him quite horribly.  

But our son doesn't have this.  And, yes, I think he's traumatised   The gaming community might be all there is for him, under the circumstances.  I wish I knew how to reach him.  

That sounds incredibly difficult for you both - I’m sorry. When you write ‘’I don’t feel that the world feels safe to him’ - that’s how I have always felt. My son sometimes says “I don’t think I was made for this world” - and I relate to that too, I’ve also sometimes felt tempted to withdraw (in many ways I have as I’ve worked from home for most of my adult life. 
I think a lot of autistic children are traumatised by their school experience too. My youngest has Selective Mutism which began when he started school. 
if your loved one likes computer games so much maybe he’s communicating with others online? As part of the gaming community? 

Just playing computer games and living like a hermit.  I don't think that the world feels safe to him, which I can well understand.  He basically just wants to be left alone now, although when he was young he always seemed quite gregarious.  In fact, I believed he actually was but later, when he was around 16, he confided that he "always felt different inside".  Plus there was bullying, of which we weren't aware.  

Little to no communication.  He avoids us as much as possible, as if in fear.  If he can get away with clipped responses or, better still, nothing at all, he does.  Then he retreats asap.  After one sentence he's already halfway back upstairs, so I often don't speak, with the feeling that he feels safer to stay downstairs for longer that way.  

Just playing computer games and living like a hermit.  I don't think that the world feels safe to him, which I can well understand.  He basically just wants to be left alone now, although when he was young he always seemed quite gregarious.  In fact, I believed he actually was but later, when he was around 16, he confided that he "always felt different inside".  Plus there was bullying, of which we weren't aware.  

Little to no communication.  He avoids us as much as possible, as if in fear.  If he can get away with clipped responses or, better still, nothing at all, he does.  Then he retreats asap.  After one sentence he's already halfway back upstairs, so I often don't speak, with the feeling that he feels safer to stay downstairs for longer that way.  

Well, I hear lots of swearing going on, which actually is better than nothing because it flies in the face of any suggestion of "flat affect"  and at least indicates some level of engagement.  It's also entirely on his terms which probably makes it feel a lot safer than the world out there.  

In many ways the world isn’t safe - so it’s not so strange really to feel like that. As things are so difficult for your son I’m so glad that he does at least have the gaming community. Hopefully he’s enjoying that aspect of his life and is communicating with others sometimes through that. That’s something at least. 

Yes, it's quite a familiar feeling to me too.  It's not safe.  Plus expectations out there seem quite high to me.  Just for a basic job and a small income.  I think our home has been becoming a hermitage for some time now, especially since the time our son dropped out of college because he could no longer continue on the conventional path.  

When I was 17 (when the severe issues really emerged in our son) I only coped socially because the young lad who became my first boyfriend pursued me relentlessly and wasn't put off by my lack of speech and aloof manner.  This eased my transition into adulthood and I probably used him quite horribly.  

But our son doesn't have this.  And, yes, I think he's traumatised   The gaming community might be all there is for him, under the circumstances.  I wish I knew how to reach him.  

That sounds incredibly difficult for you both - I’m sorry. When you write ‘’I don’t feel that the world feels safe to him’ - that’s how I have always felt. My son sometimes says “I don’t think I was made for this world” - and I relate to that too, I’ve also sometimes felt tempted to withdraw (in many ways I have as I’ve worked from home for most of my adult life. 
I think a lot of autistic children are traumatised by their school experience too. My youngest has Selective Mutism which began when he started school. 
if your loved one likes computer games so much maybe he’s communicating with others online? As part of the gaming community?