Autism Burnout

I'm really struggling.  I'm heading to the place I was in a few years ago. I had to take time off work. I don't know if it's the 'spergers, anxiety or post viral fatigue from covid. I think it's a mixture. The fatigue is making everything worse. I cant focus and its all consuming. I can't reduce my workload anymore.

I've got a referral to the long covid clinic but I don't know if it's long covid or mental health and neither does the doctor. I've got a massive questionnaire to fill in.

My body is telling me to stop but I am not listening.  I keep powering through. I don't know where to turn. The local mental health place isn't helping, I'm on a generic online CBT programme. They're ringing me this week for a review. They didnt listen to me in the first instance and they talk too fast. I've referred myself to Acess for work but still waiting on that as applications are behind. I've contacted the Autism and ADHD centre (which has been recommended to me by the mental health team) to chase up the waiting list and was told that I'll get a letter when they get round to my name. They cant tell me when this will be, if it's next week or next month or in 6 months because "everything is in a mess". The place I had my private assessment haven't got any capacity at the moment.

I'm trying to help myself. My partner and i are trying to problem solve to hrlp reduce demands. I'm fed up of going round in circles.I find it difficult to ask for help or saying I'm not right (to friends or colleagues and to the professionals), and difficult to articulate what exactly is wrong and sometimes my point is lost.  I'm trying to seek help but not being able to get anywhere.

I feel like my body cannot carry on. It's telling me to stop.

I'm a fully grown adult with a professional job.

I'm really struggling.  I'm heading to the place I was in a few years ago. I had to take time off work. I don't know if it's the 'spergers, anxiety or post viral fatigue from covid. I think it's a mixture. The fatigue is making everything worse. I cant focus and its all consuming. I can't reduce my workload anymore.

I've got a referral to the long covid clinic but I don't know if it's long covid or mental health and neither does the doctor. I've got a massive questionnaire to fill in.

My body is telling me to stop but I am not listening.  I keep powering through. I don't know where to turn. The local mental health place isn't helping, I'm on a generic online CBT programme. They're ringing me this week for a review. They didnt listen to me in the first instance and they talk too fast. I've referred myself to Acess for work but still waiting on that as applications are behind. I've contacted the Autism and ADHD centre (which has been recommended to me by the mental health team) to chase up the waiting list and was told that I'll get a letter when they get round to my name. They cant tell me when this will be, if it's next week or next month or in 6 months because "everything is in a mess". The place I had my private assessment haven't got any capacity at the moment.

I'm trying to help myself. My partner and i are trying to problem solve to hrlp reduce demands. I'm fed up of going round in circles.I find it difficult to ask for help or saying I'm not right (to friends or colleagues and to the professionals), and difficult to articulate what exactly is wrong and sometimes my point is lost.  I'm trying to seek help but not being able to get anywhere.

I feel like my body cannot carry on. It's telling me to stop.

I'm a fully grown adult with a professional job.

‘I’m trying to help myself’ seems to be a theme on here. A consequence of the paucity of good mental health services in the U.K. right now. Actually I think it’s also a result of a capitalist society that places making money and maintaining the system above the well being of it’s citizens - but that’s a whole other story!
I think often what autistic people need is to have all the pressure removed - but how many people can realistically  do that? Most have commitments or demands on them that are very hard to escape from - even temporarily. My mother-in-law recently died and I feel that ideally my husband would have a break from work to fully process that and grieve, and organise her affairs. But it’s just not possible. The more we force people to continue in situations they are unhappy with the more deeply our problems go and the longer it takes us to recover.  

I really hope you manage to find some more support. I actually also had long Covid as well and that was a very tough time for me (especially as I was trying to write up a Master thesis at the time and could not focus at all). What I found hardest to deal with is that noone could tell me how long it takes for people with long Covid to improve and indeed it was unclear if full recovery happened at all. I remember searching the internet, trying to find accounts of people that did recover from long Covid. If it makes you feel any better, I did actually improve a lot and I would say I probably fully recovered (hard to say if it was 100% back to 'normal' as that is impossible to judge and as a lot of other issues were going on)- I only started seeing noticable improvements after 6 months though. I don't know if this gives you some hope- I know this is only one anecdotal case of recovery from Long Covid ... 

Can you possibly take a break from work to give yourself some time to rest and regain some energy?  

I am actually also suffering from burn-out at the moment. This is not the first time I am suffering from burnout (though I wasn't aware that was what it was last time), but it is definitely the worst and I am physically and mentally completely depleted. I worked extremely hard for the past 6 months (10-12 hours a day and sometimes more, plus usually 1 day on weekend at least) as I love my work but also as I got overloaded with work and spent most of my time helping out others (unable to say no). The worst is that I also got exploited and ended up not being paid and as a result in financial difficulties. I also ended up severely underweight (unintentionally) as I suffer from issues around food/eating (for over 6 years now)- I got hyperfocused on my research/work and ended up not dealing with the issue and before I knew it I was eating the same handful of foods in the same routine. 

Luckily my GP gave me sick leave and I have been off work for a month now and I am starting to feel a bit more energised. I am trying hard to address the eating issues but it is super exhausting (each food decision is like me planning and obsessing over one of my science experiments). However I am worried that I am living  in a "fairy world" - I don't mean that it is particularly nice (as I feel insanely stressed out at times), but I just haven't really been dealing with anything- I have tried to completely block the issue of work and what will happen in the future, out of my mind. I have also for the first time in ages, been almost completely unproductive, which I think is good for me but it feels strange. I am just concerned that I am withdrawing too much from real life. I feel like I need it at this point and the idea of having to go back to work and decide on the future (I think I need to find a new place to live and do my PhD as I have been exploited and lost trust) fills me with panick. I just don't feel ready to go back and to deal with life (though I don't think I have ever really coped with adult life). I am not sure yet if I can somehow organise a longer time away from work - trying to figure it all out now- I am just unsure if I am doing the right thing in letting myself be unproductive and in allowing myself to withdraw and not deal with things for a while... . 

I have also been seeing a mental health team here- I am not yet diagnosed with autism though I strongly suspect that I am autistic. The mental health team agrees that there is a strong possibility but they have told me repeatedly that they don't think it matters for my therapy whether I am indeed autistic or not... - This really concerns me as I think it does matter in terms of therapy? I have somewhat lost trust in therapists and mental health professionals over the years- I know that I do need help though, but it is hard to trust when they seem so inexperienced with these issues. I also often feel like they misunderstand and I am not sure how I can communicate more clearly... :(