ASD and understanding flirting

Thank you.  When replying, he hesitated a little before saying yes and shifted in his seat before adding he knew because it has happened to him. 

I think the lady was a Community Nurse so that's why I'm also worried as I thought a Pyschologist would be iinvolved. It is being done through the Adult Autism NHS Services though so I'm pretty sure it is all done correctly.  His next Appointment is with an Occupational Therapist.

Thanks again.

The assessor will probably see through any embarrased response very quickly. When they assess they ask the same questions, phrased differently, but repeatedly.  So the flirting question would get asked again, but it will be phrased differently.  Most psychologists do this sort of thing day in and day out, they are experts at it.  So don't worry about it.

If anything I think him saying he does, might make it look more like he doesn't.  It all depends on how he said it and how many non-verbal tells he exhibited that might suggest otherwise.

But if I was outright asked about it, aged 18, I would have made myself out as a master, although the truth would be very far from that.

Thanks -pathfinder

Do do you think the assessor will see this then?  Or might  they think he is not not on the spectrum by him reacting this way and saying and acting as though he does recognise it?  I wish I knew what they were looking for in asking this question.

Thank you again. 

Hi Osmosis, Thanks for your help.   I'm wondering why they would ask this, is it a trick question?  Are they Trying to find out if he recognises body language and can read between the lines?   They already asked that  before.

I believe he does struggle reading between the lines as I've seen it, and also with with body language.

I now worry they are getting the complete wrong impression of him.

It’s posable your son is in the enviable position of having quite a lot of overt female interest. If a woman finds a man particularly handsome and he seems a bit shy sometimes the flirting isn’t very subtle.

Some girls get a kick out of seeing a shy guy blush. Especially if they are willing to follow through with anything salacious they may have suggested.

I was diagnosed with ASD somewhat late, but spent years observing behaviour and mimicking it in order to fit in (I attended boarding school from 11-18, making fitting in an absolute), so your son doing the same, or something similar (providing an answer he believes is expected) seems normal to me.

I find it hard to tell when a woman is flirting with me and usually need to perform a mental checklist, including analysing facial muscles and speech to see if it's flirting. From a male perspective, and given your son's age, what you perceive as embarrassment makes sense.

I hope that's of some use. 

I am diagnosed with ASD and I never picked up on flirting and I never registered until someone pointed it out to me some time later. Then I thought about and realised that a girl had been flirting :) But this is classic ASD it's as though your brain take s time processing social situations, which explains why sometimes we don't know what we are supposed to do. In my case someone had to be really, really obvious or actually tell me that they were interested for me to do anything. The good thing I suppose, is that the chances of having an affair are pretty unlikely!

I think we are all different. Some will know, others won’t. I spent my teens and twenties thinking people were simply staring at me because I looked horrible or odd. I was angry at men approaching me whilst on a night out, as I found it rude for them to just walk up and start chatting without an invite. Even in my 40’s I can chat to a man and not realise why he’s talking to me. I might be being helpful with something, or replying to a customer at work etc, and often don’t realise I’m being hit on until later that day.

As for flirting myself, I know what to do to get a man’s attention, and if I am getting to know someone, I’m quite open about my intentions. I don’t see the point in wasting time if you like someone, or even if you don’t. It’s good to be upfront, and I find men appreciate it, whether it’s to their favour or not.

It really depends on how obvious the flirtation is. I am not good at recognising flirtation, but in the dim and distant past when a young woman remarked that her breasts were small, and did I mind, I got the message loud and clear.

The problem with this question is that if you miss someone flirting with you, you wouldn't know about it. 

There have been a few times in my life when I thought a girl was flirting with me, but in those cases I was already somewhat interested in the girl. I'm not sure if I'd notice if a random woman was flirting, because I just don't pay them enough attention.

I'm also male.  I don't think I could really recognise flirting.  I'm genuinely not sure if anyone has really flirted with me in the past, unless we had already started dating each other (that made it clearer).  Thinking back, I can recall a number of interactions over the years where I genuinely do not know if someone was flirting with me.  I'm not sure how I would have answered the question as a teenager.  I would probably have been very embarrassed over the whole thing.

That said, I don't think there's any reason to disbelieve your son just because the answer surprised you.  At the end of the day, it's his assessment.

I am a 40-something male with Aspergers, FTR.

I'm the opposite, I don't understand flirting.  I can emulate it, but I don't pick up on subtle hints and can be completely oblivious.

But if I was outright asked about it, aged 18, I would have made myself out as a master, although the truth would be very far from that.

My guess is he maybe gets the basics, but whether he can functionally do it in real life is very 50/50.  The proof would be if he has a girlfriend/boyfriend or has had several.

Being honest to yourself about yourself is something many seem to find hard.  Admitting you suck at something is even harder, especially at that age.

Saying that it isn't something you can easily teach.  It's an experiment type thing that requires a person to do it, to learn it.  Watching films and tv only takes you so far.