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Any other Autistic adults who have no desire to be in a relationship ?

NAS78075
over 2 years ago

Hi there everyone, new here!

Bit about me - I am currently a 23 year old self diagnosed high functioning Autistic female who is currently on the very long waiting list for an assessment. 

I was wondering if anyone else here feels the same as me and weather its common for this community

I have no desire whatsoever to be in a romantic relationship. All my friends and family are either married or seeing someone and I seem to just not have any desire for it, although strangely I do feel jealous when seeing it, even though for myself I just don't see it ever happening. I guess its more due to my social issues than anything else. I don't find other people interesting, when people talk to me its like its going through one ear and out the other. I have really never plucked up the courage to go on dates without a stiff few drinks first. Same goes for friendships. I have friends yet really I couldn't care less if I lost them or never saw them again. I'm not a mean or distant person, I just really don't need social interaction to live a full life.

I feel perfectly happy living alone, being alone and having a solitary life with my pets! Anyone else feel the same? Or am I bad person who needs to change...

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    You are young yet, I was very aloof as a teenager and young adult, and used to play it cool to the point of liquid helium, too cool for the u.k. scene, women didn't do the chasing. I went to work in Sweden when I was twenty six and there, the women did do the chasing, after having only one real girlfriend in the u.k. and she only for six weeks, I had at least three or four Swedish women interested in me in one year.

    One was the Polish Ambassador's daughter, ie not Swedish. I also initiated things for the first time myself as my confidence had risen, I considered myself Steve Stunning Esquire.

    Lots of opportunities but I was not able to take full advantage of the options due to chronic inexperience. My advice to you is 'fake it til you make it.' It might sound like masking, it may be stressful but keep a very open mind. I am now fifty eight and look like Uncle Fester from the Adam's family, I would need a time machine and an army of personal trainers to get me back on the dating scene.

    Remember that for us, emotional responses can be very delayed, it was years before I cared about what I had lost by way of my first U.K. Girlfriend and, to get her back, I made a drunken phone call to completely the wrong person, it hurt but it was funny too.

    I also dated one of two Swedish twins, we all went out on a trip and I chatted the wrong one up for an hour or so, I hadn't given her chance to speak, you guessed it, I was gassing on and on about subtle and bewildering me. Thing is, in our position we have to get a lot wrong before we get it right. Life is a battlefield in which those that are hurt the most are the ones who don't take part.

    You are young yet, take a long hard look down the road of emotional detachment and see what's there, if your emotional binoculars see a roundabout with a sign saying...oh no, what have you done? then just do not go there.

    I wish you all the very best. Nick

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    You are young yet, I was very aloof as a teenager and young adult, and used to play it cool to the point of liquid helium, too cool for the u.k. scene, women didn't do the chasing. I went to work in Sweden when I was twenty six and there, the women did do the chasing, after having only one real girlfriend in the u.k. and she only for six weeks, I had at least three or four Swedish women interested in me in one year.

    One was the Polish Ambassador's daughter, ie not Swedish. I also initiated things for the first time myself as my confidence had risen, I considered myself Steve Stunning Esquire.

    Lots of opportunities but I was not able to take full advantage of the options due to chronic inexperience. My advice to you is 'fake it til you make it.' It might sound like masking, it may be stressful but keep a very open mind. I am now fifty eight and look like Uncle Fester from the Adam's family, I would need a time machine and an army of personal trainers to get me back on the dating scene.

    Remember that for us, emotional responses can be very delayed, it was years before I cared about what I had lost by way of my first U.K. Girlfriend and, to get her back, I made a drunken phone call to completely the wrong person, it hurt but it was funny too.

    I also dated one of two Swedish twins, we all went out on a trip and I chatted the wrong one up for an hour or so, I hadn't given her chance to speak, you guessed it, I was gassing on and on about subtle and bewildering me. Thing is, in our position we have to get a lot wrong before we get it right. Life is a battlefield in which those that are hurt the most are the ones who don't take part.

    You are young yet, take a long hard look down the road of emotional detachment and see what's there, if your emotional binoculars see a roundabout with a sign saying...oh no, what have you done? then just do not go there.

    I wish you all the very best. Nick

Children
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