Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there everyone, new here!
Bit about me - I am currently a 23 year old self diagnosed high functioning Autistic female who is currently on the very long waiting list for an assessment.
I was wondering if anyone else here feels the same as me and weather its common for this community
I have no desire whatsoever to be in a romantic relationship. All my friends and family are either married or seeing someone and I seem to just not have any desire for it, although strangely I do feel jealous when seeing it, even though for myself I just don't see it ever happening. I guess its more due to my social issues than anything else. I don't find other people interesting, when people talk to me its like its going through one ear and out the other. I have really never plucked up the courage to go on dates without a stiff few drinks first. Same goes for friendships. I have friends yet really I couldn't care less if I lost them or never saw them again. I'm not a mean or distant person, I just really don't need social interaction to live a full life.
I feel perfectly happy living alone, being alone and having a solitary life with my pets! Anyone else feel the same? Or am I bad person who needs to change...
There's actually no value judgement in being where one is at. Goodness and Badness are values we pick up in society and while the philosophy of ethics is worth looking into, even that is used to measure or compare states of being. Oppressing another for enjoyment (sadism) crosses the line into "badness" in my book.
Relationships require effort. They require vulnerability, negotiations and are better engaged when we're aware of our limits and strengths, our capacity. When we know our values and can help another understand them without being hurtful (this does not imply the other won't be offended). If you feel, what I would classify as 'Envious' (as Jealousy is at it's core about protecting something we've invested into while Envy is wanting what someone else has), then you're experiencing a desire for a connexion perhaps. And not pursuing this might be a deeper level of consciousness which understands what's at stake. Everything has a cost.
Allow yourself to grow! One doesn't always need a partner in our society. In the past it may have been prudent for survival. I have been in and out of a few and not always with a conscious choice in the matter. But the time I spend alone is typically far more rewarding intellectually and creatively. Until I find someone who appreciates this kind of space themselves and shares a few similar values as mine, I'm rather happy being single.
I will say that humans benefit from community. Showing up once a week to a philosophy or book club regardless of how one feels has always been of value. Save taking a month off once a year for myself.