Researching interests but not actually taking part

Big time relate with this! I love to research and gain knowledge in a new interest or hobby. I should say 'potential' as often it never goes further than the research stage. For me, there's a bit of imposter syndrome kicking-in that stops me proceeding and often just talk myself out of things. Recently diagnosed ASD but not ADHD. I'm now giving myself some slack and just letting myself enjoy finding out about new things and having hobbies & interests that make me happy when I need them however infrequent i do them just as long as they don't gather too much dust! I yearn to be an expert in things before I attempt to do them, maybe its fear of failure or being a fraud. Just finding it interesting now I'm more aware of it :)

i'm similar - but then i'll jump in and spend money on the stuff, books, etc... i don't seem to have a HUGE problem getting started... but i do wonder whether i enjoy the research and study a lot - because once i have been with a hobby for awhile, and start to understand it, i'll let go of it. i have $700 worth of fishing stuff, most almost new, sitting unused in my basement.

i chalk it up to --- it's simply like a 3 day vacation's worth of money...  idk where this all will lead to. i'm 66 now.

Yes its like a need and I do find it really enjoyable.

Also I totally get what you mean feeling lost when there's nothing to grab you or an interest has come to a natural end.

Unknown said:

collecting information rather than objects

This is really interesting - I has something very similar said to me at my assessment.

May I ask - regarding the reading and reading - is it enjoyable, and/or something that you 'need' to do?

(I am currently somewhat lost not having a interest - or, rather, having an interest that is no longer able to be followed through.)

I was told at my assessment it seems I like collecting information rather than objects. I think your point is really valid though. 

I do a lot of reading before I start something.  I think there's different layers....wanting to do things right, wanting to know as much about something as possible just cos I do. Sometimes its essier to read and read than actually do. Dealing with others isn't a barrier for me really, it's about getting started or finishing something. I think some of it is to do with executive function difficulties. 

Then I get annoyed with myself about not getting started or giving up too easily.

That's a really good point. I wonder if there can be distinct categories between the two groups - say, to use the cliche of trains, those who plan a journey but never go on it and those who develop a focus on timetables.

To loop back to your original comment, you mention applying yourself to start. I find this interesting, because research is a kind of applying oneself and a start. I often have this issue where I think "where do I start" - even though I have, in a sense, already started. It is the moment I have to deal with another living human that is often the barrier (even though, when I do achieve it, it wasn't really an issue). 

Never try, never succeed. I did some tidying this weekend and really glad I persevered despite minor setbacks. I'm pleased with the results and feel motivated. I need to remember this for next time....think of the end result, the bigger picture.

Often times I don't know if things are "autistic behaviour" or if it's just general population.  It's probably a cross over. Sometimes I can get bogged down with "oh I've done this or thought about it like this because I'm AS".

out_of_step, thanks for raising this discussion. This is a behaviour that is familiar to me, and the conversation that followed helped me to understand it more.

I used to be like that and mainly am once again. 

A few years ago I researched walking across Spain on one of the pilgrim trails (Camino de Santiago).  I researched it for a good year and then moved on to something else.  But then decided why not just do it and see where it leads.  I didn't complete the whole thing, but did walk about 200 miles.

The following year I went back and did it again, walking closer to 300 miles.

If you have interest in something, then do it, especially gardening.  It's easy to do and if you grow veg/fruit, you get something to eat out of it. 

My current interest is in Paragliding, but I don't see it going anywhere without investment in losing weight and buying kit, but never say never.

It's difficult to stop even when I'm doing something for work for example. As for continuing despite failures it depends how much of a flow I am in.

In terms of your wife's bags, to me if a job is worth doing, it's worth doing well. However, hobby is different to paid work. I still have this outlook but sometimes you have to cut corners. I am hourly paid and about half of my work is done at home but with no set hours.  It's in my interests to get it done as quickly as possible otherwise I end up being on about £5per hour. This is when I need to recognise "STOP" or, "that will do".

Yes I can see about the perfectionism and relate to it. With gardening because you can never get it perfect, it's trial and error so I find it difficult to just get on with it! If something doesn't grow I feel a responsibility. I think I also have a bit of a problem with...kind of....wasting things or throwing them away. For anything not just gardening. So I don't want to do something wrong and then it ends up going in the bin. 

I like the idea of learning from our mistakes. This is the kind of advice I would give a friend.

Unknown said:

I don't think I have got the patience for wood carving!

But you think you have patience to sow a seed in march and waiting till august to see how it will come out?

Unknown said:

So it's hardly having to get myself up a mountain or spend hundreds of pounds.

Don't think about it this way, maybe it's the emotional investement?

My wife used to design and sew bags, really good one. Problem was, she was so focused on making it perfect, one bag could take 5 days easily, 8-10 hours a day. That's 50 work hours or £500 at minimum wage just in time investement on one bag, and who would want to work for minimum wage if one would be aware of ones exceptional capabilities? If she knew someone will always buy her bag for £5000, she would sew passionately to this day, but reality is different.

Unknown said:

I have read before about ADHD and I don't think it's this as I couldn't relate to some other aspects

Remember, you perceive yourself in a different way then others perceive you.

Take for example, risky behaviour. In my view, not risky at all, yet whenever I meet other cyclists, they look at me with disaproval. Put a helmet on you idiot! You gonna kill yourself! - is what often hear.

And yet I know, when I put helmet on, I can't  focus, I think about that helmet, it's weight, how it affects air circualtion, I overheat, so forth. Without helmet, I feel united with bike it's like bike is me, my  hyperawareness kicks in, I don't see cars, I feel them, it's like sixth sens.

Please don't think i'm projecting ADHD on you, if you do I am deeply sorry, it was not my intention.

I'm not a clinician, just hobbyst researcher.

Unknown said:

Once I get started on something it can be difficult to stop

Do you keep going even in the event of constant failures? Or maybe you keep going because you are fueled by your successes?

Spreadsheets&Pizza said:

I think a big part of it is beings scared of failure or my perfectionism

Yes, both. High emotional investment versus high expectation from yoursef in perspective of uncertain outcome.

What if I told you, I will buy your creation, no matter the outcome, for £10000? Would this incentive be sufficient enough to motivate you?

Do you often write something, and erase it and reiterate?

How often do you find yourself in position where you have to make a choice between two, but know nothing about it, can't research it and just have to make a choice? Do you feel anxious? Feel like you don't want to make that decision?

Fear of judgement, criticism?

I'm very good cook, but very inconsitent. When I cook something really tasty, it motivates to cook more, explore new flavors, crate new recipies. But when it comes out borderline edible I withdraw, feel rage toward myself to the point where I announce very clearly and loudly to my family I NEVER COOK AGAIN!

I know, even michelin starred chefs sometimes toss what they make into the bin, they just keep cooking until it's right.

Obsessive research seems like natural response - the more I know before I start, less likely I'm going to fail.

Yesterday I had incredible mental clarity, I managed to write 4 pages of my CV. I did so well in comparison to what I did over last three months. Today I'm teriffied. I expect to do at least as well, but fear of failure, or not meeting my very high expectation causes me not to try.  

Never try, never fail.

Oh my goodness, this rings so true for me as well.

I can relate a little with some of my creative hobbies - 3D printing and woodwork. I spend hours watching youtube and have invested in tools and equipment but I usually find it quite difficult to start a project. I've got loads of ideas in my head of things to make but when it I finally get some free time I just don't know where to start and end up just staring at the workbench or my screen for ages. 

I think a big part of it is beings scared of failure or my perfectionism - The design has to be perfect so I agonise over every design decision and as a result I never actually build anything. I'm trying to keep in mind that I get more skilled by practicing and that the act of doing it wrong and learning from my mistakes is far more rewarding than playing it too safe and never actually achieving anything, but it is difficult. 

Thank you so much for your reply. 

a typical Autist said:

My advise? Try finding interests that do not require high resource investment to be good at,

I couldn't help but smile at this comment as the interests which I am referring to but didn't mention are sewing and gardening. So it's hardly having to get myself up a mountain or spend hundreds of pounds.

I don't really think about the reward...what I will have achieved by the end. That thought doesn't actually occur.

I have read before about ADHD and I don't think it's this as I couldn't relate to some other aspects. My AS report did mention autistic inertia which I think is apt. Once I get started on something it can be difficult to stop. But it's the shifting state into the getting stared phrase I find difficult. And tend to give up at the first hurdle.

I don't think I have got the patience for wood carving!

Without details of your researched interest I can not advise pricisely, but I will provide my general insight.

It seems you are showing some characteristics of ADHD, problem with starting and frequent change in particular. The issue here is complex, but to simplify It's initial investment - be it time or other resources, and how tangible the reward is in comparison to our expectation.

To give an example:

Two years ago I stumbled upon some rock climbing videos, I was hooked. Spent hours on learning nomenclature, researched on equipment, people. I idealised that me, one day, will climb along Tommy Caldwell. Initial fascination, motivation and inspiration was extremely high, but then came reality. Me, slightly overweight in late 30's with acrophobia. It would take years to build core and finger strength sufficient enough to climb 'easy' rocks, yet alone climb along Tommy.

The same with bikepacking, I could research on ultralight equipment, count grams on 'virtual' items and plan route, camping spots etc. Reality? Financial investment versus family/job in comparison of high expectation ( 2-3 week long trips)

My advise? Try finding interests that do not require high resource investment to be good at, give satisfaction even if you are not good at, and have tengible outcome. 

Wooden spoon carving comes to my mind. Initial cost of soft wood stol... extracted from local forest and few carving knives from well known swedish manufacturer - cheep as chips, as you Brits like to say; it's manual and sensory stimulating - texture of wood, smell of freshly carved wood; and in the worst case scenario, you will end up with ugly cereal spoon, but It will be your creation and will bring you smile every time you look at it. 

Good luck.