Coping with loneliness

Thank you Person Anon for your reply. I understand what you mean about not being alone, really but I honestly can't see the evidence that suggests otherwise. Apart from my children, I really don't have any other family and I'm really bad at maintaining friendships... It's been a constant theme in my life.

I know you said you push away people but I hope there are some people in your life that you can turn to and support you?

Thanks for your buckets of empathy. I find it amusing that it's a common misconception that we're supposed to lack it when some of us actually get overwhelmed with empathy! 

You are NOT a failure!  Making social connections is hard for anyone on the spectrum.  I think even some neurotypicals can feel lost in the world, and certainly someone on the spectrum.  And raising children is something to be proud of in itself.

I was very lonely throughout my twenties and most of my thirties (I'm thirty-eight).  I shared those feelings of being alone and alien, and of being lost in the world. Eventually I met my fiancee, which is a whole long and complicated story.  Before then, I found some relief in support groups.  I've also found online friends through blogging and reading other people's blogs, which is a form of socialising that I can manage a lot more easily than in-person friendships.  I recently joined this forum for a similar reason.

That sounds hard.  But the thing is, you aren't alone, really.  I push people away too, on a face-to-face basis, and so do many people here.  I actually do it almost knowingly because the effort is sometimes too much, and dealing with people can be so difficult, but I know others do it without really being aware of it at the time.

You're obviously a caring, loving parent.  And if you hang out here, people will always talk to you.  Is there a local branch of the NAS that you can get involved with, where you'll meet people more like you?  I know it's hard with children but maybe there's a way of exploring that?

Whatever, sending you bucket loads of the empathy we're all supposed to lack(!) 

Paul said:

Social contact is one of the main things to help with depression and anxiety and it is the one skill we all seem to lack.

You're exactly right. Humans are social creatures who thrive on physical and emotional stimulation. Also where did the common misconception of 'people with asd are happy being on their own/not having any friends' come from? My daughter is 15 and has only just, in the last year or so, made friends at school. Before that EVERY break and lunchtime were spent alone and she still gets upset thinking about it now. The school never did anything because she wasn't 'actively bullied'?! 

Thank you for your reply and kind words. May I ask if there's anything you've found that helps particularly well? 

It breaks my heart that there are so many lonely people with ASD. 

It seems that if you were to rank the (many) negative traits of ASD, then lack of social skills has to be somewhere near the top. So much of the anxiety and depression we all suffer is either due to lack of contact with other people, or anxiety about that contact. 

Social contact is one of the main things to help with depression and anxiety and it is the one skill we all seem to lack.

i am very similar  ---  its easy to slide to the bottom

listen u are doing well -- u having a job and set a good example that way.