Decisions and Decision Making

Hi Everyone, 

I've always struggled with decision making even over really little things. Once when I was a kid I broke down crying at the store because I couldn't decide between two toys I wanted when I only had enough money saved for one. I've taken to doing research for big, non spur of the moment purchases. And if I do find myself in a decision where I have to make a more or less uneducated choice I tend to list pros and cons and debate with myself for a really long time. Well, I guess I do that with educated decisions too. That's why I like things that are one of a kind, like books. If I don't get one on that trip, I'll go back for it later because no matter how much I read, I'll never read the exact same story twice so purchasing more of them is worth it. But two laptops, two beds, two tvs, two backpacks, etc... none of it is worth it. There's only so much money in the world. 

Right now I'm prepping to make decisions about college. I'm based in the US and where you go for higher education can sometimes determine the path of the rest of your life and its a lot. I'm still waiting on acceptances from a few schools, but from one of the schools I have been accepted to has offered me a lot of money to go there. Great thing, right? Only it's not the college I really, really want to go to. I have so many things racing through my mind starting with "what if I'm not accepted into my top school?" And "what if they don't offer me as great of a scholarship?" And "what if I go to this other school but I end up not being happy?" And "What if I go to my dream school and spend all that money, but its not a dream come true?" It's a lot. I don't know how to manage all of it or how to make a decision in the end.

Does anyone have any decision making advice? Not about college, but in general, things that work for you. I'm willing to try just about anything except randomly choosing something. I'll probably have a break down if I randomly choose something. I don't want to spend the rest of my life struggling through hard decisions like this, getting anxious, sick, and fixated. I've tried asking my therapist, but she looks at everything through a trauma lens rather than a "me" lens. Therefore unless I'm having flashbacks or struggling a lot with my PTSD when I talk to her, she's very unhelpful. 

Thank you. Sorry if I rambled too much. 

Parents
  • Yet another post that just shows how different we all are!

    I'm extremely decisive, almost to a fault. I'll frequently feel that decisions should be taken on the basis of the data available right now.  

    Endless effort to collect additional information takes time, and I'm often time-poor.  Not making a decision constitutes a decision to spend a resource (time) which I'm frequently short of.

    Making the wrong decision is usually less damaging than making no decision at all. Clearly, that's not always true, but my anecdotal experience is that it's true, for me, more often than not.   

    Fast decision-making enables you to capitalise on opportunity.

    In fact, not making a decision is, in itself, a decision.  Sometimes, 'no decision' is actually the right decision, but if that's what I feel, I'll articulate it in that way, so that it doesn't look like fear, inability to decide, or a failure of leadership. I once told colleagues in a memo "the decision is 'no decision', and in this instance, no decision is a strategy."

    Making a decision on the basis of intuition is OK, if that's all you have, even for someone who considers themselves to be data-led. Intuition is simply a word describing accumulated experience built up over years.

    When a top soccer striker receives a long arcing pass into the box from a winger, and scores with a single touch of the ball, he/she didn't sit down and work out the physics of the shot beforehand.  The actual 'decision moment', the time available for calculating every aspect of the shot, was probably less than one second and the calculation is unlikely to have been right, even if there'd been time; they used intuition, and top strikers are top strikers because of the frequency with which they get that right. 

    Indecision comes at a price, and creates problems all of its own. In a team environment, indecision leads to frustration, stress, worry, internal conflict, loss of confidence in the decision-makers, and makes an organisation look rudderless, undirected, and as though it is bobbing at the whim of fate. 

    So if you make a decision to delay a decision, you must also calculate the costs of that.  

    I'm not advocating for knee-jerk reactions. I can be quite forensic about decision-making, even if the analysis is speedy.  I'm a former private pilot and in that environment decision making can be A Big Thing. There are tools to help, such as phrases giving an order of priorities in emergency situations (for example, in an emergency, "Aviate, Navigate, Communicate", in that order).

    Quick decision making, in my case, is often enabled by clear strategic thinking conducted long before tactical decisions are required. 

    On major issues, I try to have clarity about the long term outcomes I want, the pathway for achieving them, the various gateways at which decisions will be required, and the obstacles I'll need to overcome. 

    I'm always mindful of the need to be flexible, and adaptable to changing circumstances, and have a notice on the wall right above my desk saying "No plan survives first contact with the enemy" (which is a slight corruption of a well-known military dictum).  

    It may seem a bit annal but having a strategic plan for almost any situation makes it easier to apply quick 'navigational' changes.

    I don't always write it down, and when I do, it's sometimes half a dozen bullet points kept on my phone (though often a full page of notes clarifying my thoughts).

    It helps that I can type with some accuracy at circa 160wpm. 

    I believe I engage in 'strategic planning' much more than most people and I consider it to be an element of my 'autistic head', but a positive one.  

    I don't always get this right (but to be fair, people who make slow decisions don't always get it right, either).  I make some wrong decisions, of course, like everyone, and sometimes evidence emerges that (had I waited for a little while / had it been available at the time) would have led to a different decision; but on the whole I'm fairly confident that my 'hit rate', across my lifetime, is better for being decisive.

Reply
  • Yet another post that just shows how different we all are!

    I'm extremely decisive, almost to a fault. I'll frequently feel that decisions should be taken on the basis of the data available right now.  

    Endless effort to collect additional information takes time, and I'm often time-poor.  Not making a decision constitutes a decision to spend a resource (time) which I'm frequently short of.

    Making the wrong decision is usually less damaging than making no decision at all. Clearly, that's not always true, but my anecdotal experience is that it's true, for me, more often than not.   

    Fast decision-making enables you to capitalise on opportunity.

    In fact, not making a decision is, in itself, a decision.  Sometimes, 'no decision' is actually the right decision, but if that's what I feel, I'll articulate it in that way, so that it doesn't look like fear, inability to decide, or a failure of leadership. I once told colleagues in a memo "the decision is 'no decision', and in this instance, no decision is a strategy."

    Making a decision on the basis of intuition is OK, if that's all you have, even for someone who considers themselves to be data-led. Intuition is simply a word describing accumulated experience built up over years.

    When a top soccer striker receives a long arcing pass into the box from a winger, and scores with a single touch of the ball, he/she didn't sit down and work out the physics of the shot beforehand.  The actual 'decision moment', the time available for calculating every aspect of the shot, was probably less than one second and the calculation is unlikely to have been right, even if there'd been time; they used intuition, and top strikers are top strikers because of the frequency with which they get that right. 

    Indecision comes at a price, and creates problems all of its own. In a team environment, indecision leads to frustration, stress, worry, internal conflict, loss of confidence in the decision-makers, and makes an organisation look rudderless, undirected, and as though it is bobbing at the whim of fate. 

    So if you make a decision to delay a decision, you must also calculate the costs of that.  

    I'm not advocating for knee-jerk reactions. I can be quite forensic about decision-making, even if the analysis is speedy.  I'm a former private pilot and in that environment decision making can be A Big Thing. There are tools to help, such as phrases giving an order of priorities in emergency situations (for example, in an emergency, "Aviate, Navigate, Communicate", in that order).

    Quick decision making, in my case, is often enabled by clear strategic thinking conducted long before tactical decisions are required. 

    On major issues, I try to have clarity about the long term outcomes I want, the pathway for achieving them, the various gateways at which decisions will be required, and the obstacles I'll need to overcome. 

    I'm always mindful of the need to be flexible, and adaptable to changing circumstances, and have a notice on the wall right above my desk saying "No plan survives first contact with the enemy" (which is a slight corruption of a well-known military dictum).  

    It may seem a bit annal but having a strategic plan for almost any situation makes it easier to apply quick 'navigational' changes.

    I don't always write it down, and when I do, it's sometimes half a dozen bullet points kept on my phone (though often a full page of notes clarifying my thoughts).

    It helps that I can type with some accuracy at circa 160wpm. 

    I believe I engage in 'strategic planning' much more than most people and I consider it to be an element of my 'autistic head', but a positive one.  

    I don't always get this right (but to be fair, people who make slow decisions don't always get it right, either).  I make some wrong decisions, of course, like everyone, and sometimes evidence emerges that (had I waited for a little while / had it been available at the time) would have led to a different decision; but on the whole I'm fairly confident that my 'hit rate', across my lifetime, is better for being decisive.

Children