How and where did you meet your partner?

Ah  I'm sad. Going through a divorce from the love of my life. My decision, but that's 'cos he's a functional alcoholic who would tax the most robust of NT women.

I'm in my late 50s now, but we met in the 6th form when we were just 16. He kissed me under a table at a party. We went out briefly, then lead different lives, but were always firm friends. We got it together again in our 40s.

No one else on the planet, I don't think, will ever understand either of us like we do eachother. He literally saved the life of my son once and I adore his kids. He's a nurse. I admire his compassion and his immense intellect. Drives me mad, but he brings injured pigeons home to heal in our downstairs loo - that's just him.

The communication; it's odd. Bizarrely, I think I'm by far and a way the stronger communicator ... but then you see, he drinks. Alcoholics are oblivious to the needs of all those around them. I even end up having to take care of his animals. But I can at least, THINK my way around other people, even if I don't 'read' them too well.

It's odd. I'm so much more relaxed at home now without falling over beer cans and his drunken mates and endless debris and loud music. He is a sensory UXB on legs - because of the booze. But I miss him. All it would take to stop this divorce and for me to tell him to come home, is for him to chuck Stella Artois and choose me. But he won't. I know that.

So sad. I know I'll never have another love like this. But what can you do? He's choosing the booze over me...I dare say, divorce or no, I'll be there regardless for my best friend when he needs me.

But, I know he loves me; always has. Always will. As I love him :-(.

Dawn said:

He is a sensory UXB on legs

Thank you for sharing D.  You must be devastated.  I think it's what is most difficult and true about relationships and friendship,  everyone knows there has to be compromise but it can't be so much so that you lose yourself in the process.  I watched a video on youtube recently by someone I have never watched before but who made me think.  It might be interesting to you if you have not already watched it.  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOHEmB6QyG4) 

I do agree that you'll never "have another love like this" in the sense that he and you have a unique connection  but this does not mean that you will never have another love.  I know this way of thinking all too well because it's a regular pattern of thought for me.  What I have realised is that to be loved and to love is a risk because of the hurt factor.  Even the most kind and wonderful people have something that will hurt you or not connect with you.  Sad but true.  I do think it's worth being vulnerable to find those connections though because the "negatives" may be things that can be worked through.

I hope you are able to get some comfort in other things while you go through this difficult time.

Dawn said:

He is a sensory UXB on legs

Thank you for sharing D.  You must be devastated.  I think it's what is most difficult and true about relationships and friendship,  everyone knows there has to be compromise but it can't be so much so that you lose yourself in the process.  I watched a video on youtube recently by someone I have never watched before but who made me think.  It might be interesting to you if you have not already watched it.  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOHEmB6QyG4) 

I do agree that you'll never "have another love like this" in the sense that he and you have a unique connection  but this does not mean that you will never have another love.  I know this way of thinking all too well because it's a regular pattern of thought for me.  What I have realised is that to be loved and to love is a risk because of the hurt factor.  Even the most kind and wonderful people have something that will hurt you or not connect with you.  Sad but true.  I do think it's worth being vulnerable to find those connections though because the "negatives" may be things that can be worked through.

I hope you are able to get some comfort in other things while you go through this difficult time.

Bless you. Yes I am devastated. But you know what, the truth is, I'll never want any one else.

I had my fair share of boyfriends in my youth... my husband is my life long friend; there never will be, nor will I ever want another. I've enough experience to know. And that's ok.

I can hope he'll kick the booze, but I won't hold my breath. I have no choice but to let this divorse go through...but we've been so close since we were so young, something tells me, this isn't quite the end of the story. Something tells me that when the first of us passes, it will the other who is there...

Point is though, I guess, his booze notwithstanding, my autism never prevented me finding my soul mate. I will die having loved and been loved. And that is enough for this lifetime :-)

My pleasure H. X

NAS77114 said:

This strong man just cried and said it broke his heart that I should think he loved me less because I had Aspergers.

Oh wow, I am tearing up just reading this part.  I know the fear of rejection so well!! I am so happy for you that he was loving and supportive and just what you need.  Thanks for sharing. I'm now on a happy cloud.

After throwing myself 100% into a relationship with a much older musician who was a commitment phobe and would put me down and destroyed my self worth I decided I would remain single and safe and did so for several years. A stranger at a craft fair said I shouldn't hide in my flat playing my piano and guitar but get a ukelele and be with people. I had nothing to lose so did just that and met this man who was very rhythmical and funny and confident. After a couple of months we started to talk in the break and within a further 2 months lived together. We got married during lockdown. I am not as obsessed with this relationship, maybe because I feel safer and better understood. We had only been together a few weeks when he found an old printout of Aspergers United magazine and just looked at me. I froze, then cried and said if he wanted to leave me that would be okay, and that I was going to tell him, just didn't know how or when without losing him. This strong man just cried and said it broke his heart that I should think he loved me less because I had Aspergers. Didn't think I would marry when I was 56yrs old. You never know what life will throw at you.