Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I am a 30 year old Male who is awaiting a diagnosis for ASD. For some background, I have struggled with my mental health for more or less my entire life and have never been able to understand why. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was about 18 and had always put it down to just being sensitive. I had a childhood of always wondering why I felt different to others and although I always had friends, it was a small number ( no more than 2 at once) and I was always very sensitive to noise (couldn't go to the school pantomime because it was too overwhelming). Back in the 90s though, ASD wasn't as widely diagnosed and I think I just got overlooked and put down as sensitive. I always struggled in groups and this all got worse once I left school and entered work.
It wasn't until I looked really deeply I realised that my symptoms may be ASD related. My main symptoms that cause me stress are massive sensitivity to loud noises (Dogs barking, children screaming, sirens, fire alarms etc) and social anxiety. For example, I recently attended a wedding that took me 2 weeks to recover from and that I worried about for 2 weeks before it, I get really ill around Christmas due to family events and expectations, yet again I have let my Fiancee down because my anxiety got the better of me and I had to cancel plans with family. She has had to go herself because I can't deal with the anxiety and it basically ruined our Christmas.
Anyway, I took a load of online tests including AQ, RAADS-R & Cat-Q and every single one of them came back saying I'm likely on the spectrum and/or it is worth further investigation. So I bit the bullet and contacted my GP who agreed that there are likely traits and referred me for an assessment.
I just wondered if anybody had any advice at all? I feel trapped, like I can't actually do anything until I get a diagnosis and for some reason my head keeps trying to convince me that I'm making this all up and that there's nothing wrong and I'm just looking for excuses. I worry that I'm thinking this and I'll end up getting laughed out the room. Certainly my GP thinks enough to refer me to the service but I'm still worried. I'm also signed off work until the new year (burnout again) and I'm worried about going back and ending up back at square one, burned out and lost awaiting a diagnosis. Anyway, I've gone on enough. If anybody has any advice or tips it would really be appreciated. Thanks
This is almost exactly where I was about six weeks ago. I could not wait for the nhs so I got a 0% card, did money transfer, and paid for a private assessment. Being in limbo for me for 2 years was not an option but we are all different. Similarly that financial behaviour is not advisable for many possibly everyone - luckily I know I can repay the amount within the deadline before I start to pay interest on it.
Try to stay positive, positive thinking is a thing even for autistic people. So try to catch uourself when you start saying things to uoueself like you're worried you will burnt out again and end up at square one. These things can be self fulfilling.
What I did while waiting for assessment was assume I have been diagnosed with asd and act accordingly - minimise stuff that causes me grief and maximise stuff that is good for me. What is good about that strategy is it helps you whatever the diagnosis is. At the end of it you will be told a yes or a no, that's it, so don't assume there will be some panacea. I'm atriad it is down to us to control out destiny as best as we can, but autistic people are resilient so hold on to that.
Thanks for your response, consciousbadger.
The private route is one I may consider if the waiting times are too long for me to stay sane. I don't really have much of an indication of timescale at the moment as the GP only sent the referral around 4 weeks ago. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get on with the private route? I assume from your post that you have received your diagnosis.
I am unfortunately all too aware that there is no panacea. I'm not even convinced I would want something to remove it, which I understand may sound baffling, but rather just something to explain it and let me understand what's been going on inside for all these years and then have some adjustments put in place to help me live at least semi-normally.
Your point about resilience really hit home for me. I don't mean this in any way to garner attention, in fact being the centre of attention is basically my worst nightmare, but with everything I have had to endure ON TOP of ASD and to still be able to find joy, sometimes, even if only fleetingly, is the definition of resilience. I imagine this is something that a lot of us will feel.
I wish you all the best.