Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I am a 30 year old Male who is awaiting a diagnosis for ASD. For some background, I have struggled with my mental health for more or less my entire life and have never been able to understand why. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was about 18 and had always put it down to just being sensitive. I had a childhood of always wondering why I felt different to others and although I always had friends, it was a small number ( no more than 2 at once) and I was always very sensitive to noise (couldn't go to the school pantomime because it was too overwhelming). Back in the 90s though, ASD wasn't as widely diagnosed and I think I just got overlooked and put down as sensitive. I always struggled in groups and this all got worse once I left school and entered work.
It wasn't until I looked really deeply I realised that my symptoms may be ASD related. My main symptoms that cause me stress are massive sensitivity to loud noises (Dogs barking, children screaming, sirens, fire alarms etc) and social anxiety. For example, I recently attended a wedding that took me 2 weeks to recover from and that I worried about for 2 weeks before it, I get really ill around Christmas due to family events and expectations, yet again I have let my Fiancee down because my anxiety got the better of me and I had to cancel plans with family. She has had to go herself because I can't deal with the anxiety and it basically ruined our Christmas.
Anyway, I took a load of online tests including AQ, RAADS-R & Cat-Q and every single one of them came back saying I'm likely on the spectrum and/or it is worth further investigation. So I bit the bullet and contacted my GP who agreed that there are likely traits and referred me for an assessment.
I just wondered if anybody had any advice at all? I feel trapped, like I can't actually do anything until I get a diagnosis and for some reason my head keeps trying to convince me that I'm making this all up and that there's nothing wrong and I'm just looking for excuses. I worry that I'm thinking this and I'll end up getting laughed out the room. Certainly my GP thinks enough to refer me to the service but I'm still worried. I'm also signed off work until the new year (burnout again) and I'm worried about going back and ending up back at square one, burned out and lost awaiting a diagnosis. Anyway, I've gone on enough. If anybody has any advice or tips it would really be appreciated. Thanks
I’m in a similar place, however I’ve just had my first part of the assessment process, privately. I know that from what I explained, I was taken on. So that means the test isn’t being performed unnecessarily. But I still feel like I won’t be diagnosed, or I’m not ‘autistic enough’. I mean I’m 48, I’ve two children and I’ve been married. Yet, my whole life has been traumatic and difficult. Like you I’ve had recurrent depression, and was diagnosed with social anxiety when I was 40. I was signed of last year with a burnout. This year I’m in a better place but still recovering.I also feel trapped. I also don’t want to change jobs or do other things in life until I know for sure. I’m pretty sure myself, but since I’ve gone so long without realising, I still think it can’t be Autistic. And i need to see it to believe it.
My daughter didn’t get diagnosed on the nhs. They said she didn’t have it, I was worried I’d be treated the same, which is why I went private, as I no longer trust those people who didn’t diagnose her. My daughter just competed her assessment privately, and came out with three diagnoses.
Thanks for the reply, Catlover.
Yes, this is also a fear of mine. The "not autistic enough" label. It is in my head that they will think "well, he's managed this far without a diagnosis so why add another one to the pile of sick notes?". The truth of the matter is, I have never managed anything and I just burnout/meltdown all the time without a reason why. It's debilitating.
Sounds like you have had much more luck privately. It may be a route I need to look down depending on how long this is going to take.
I wish you, and your daughter, all the best moving forward.