Finding everything difficult…

I've heard it said that during University you'll need to pick two: Schoolwork, Friendships, Job. No one can manage all 3 - or manage them well. I find it easy to cut out social relationships when under deadlines or on project-mode. And my clients will hear from me 4x per year, maybe. Every other year we might have lunch. There's a convention I try to get to every 1-3 years as well. I have one son and 3 close friendships. 2 of these individuals I don't see as they live far away, but we'll chat on occasion. 1 lives closer and we see each other but seldom. She's 2 hours by train. There are a wealth of individuals I might catch up with at the holidays or on occasion and a philosophy group I might attend every other week.  For a majority of people this isn't actually much and it took a long time to build those few but important friendships. I'm introverted, so it's fine.

From my perspective, the "social requirements" at this point in history will limit and suffocate even the Most Ambitious. I had to learn to not answer my phone/emails but on specific days per week. And also to teach others that I'm available on my time, not theirs (obviously, when I'm being paid by someone, that's the individual who is paying for me to be on their time and not mine). This is to say: Time is something one can never get back. Uninterrupted time is required to become skilled at anything and in Uni, I would steal ALL the time you can to invest it into learning and failing and becoming and small steps toward success in whatever you feel inclined toward. Note: massive singer-songwriters will be open about disconnecting from Social Media to focus on an album. This should be a set practice. Distractions, not failure, will kill any future successes (note that these can be small and seemingly insignificant like making the perfect cappuccino - 99% of our breakthroughs will be micro-successes)

I'm in my 40s and still struggle with emails. I will leave them for an hour - a week or sometimes for months depending on the subject matter. No one mentioned how incredibly horrifying my 'executive / administrative' skills were until the 4th time I was let go from a position requiring them in my mid 20's. And it's only come to light I'm on the Spectrum a few years ago.These are real struggles. I somewhat landed in a more technically creative role but work for myself. 

Sorry this is long! Don't despair. I only admire and work humans who are aware of the strengths and weaknesses. These make trustworthy humans and a team can manage so much better when we can delegate or be open about our limitations. No one can do it all. Focus on your strengths and give your self extra time for difficult tasks. 

I’ve tried getting help from my uni before, when I had really bad mental health issues in my first year (this was before I knew I was autistic). I was basically told that there’s not much they can do and that I should try yoga for my anxiety. I’ve always felt like I did enjoy studying but hated the social side of things and would rather just stay in my room to study or go to the library. Im just finding it hard to get through the rest of this year, and then the constant worry about what I’m going to do next. 

I think that’s the worst thing, feeling like I don’t belong and I just can’t do what everyone else does. I don’t think I would be able to go into a job, but I do like sewing so I’m hoping to maybe start an etsy shop so I could work from home. 

That’s exactly how I feel. I’ve always liked studying and it’s been the only thing I had for such a long time. Now it seems like my only choices are doing a masters or going into a job. Everything seems overwhelming and the change that’s going to happen in the next year is really worrying me 

Hi Abi. In the short term, is there any help you can request from a trusted person? Sometimes, when someone is struggling with mental health, there may be adjustments that could be made for you, such as help with deadlines, or alternative means of communication if you are struggling with e-mail specifically.

Don't feel that you need to compare yourself with others. It may be that you have more skill for studying, or other abilities rather than social engagements. That's useful.

Also, I found that it was easier to get on with people at work, because in employment, interactions with people are more compartmentalized than is the case in education; you can have conversations with peers without needing a personal relationship in a way that doesn't happen in university. You may well find that you're better suited to the work environment that university; I was- I didn't make any friends at uni.

I often thought that but Im not practical enough to learn a trade. My brain is very theoretical, not practical. I cant even change a lightbulb

Abi.. you are not alone. We are all going through this. I relate to it so much. I am signed off my job at the moment after having a full on breakdown on the way to work 3 weeks ago. I dont know if Ill ever be able to go back.

What you have to understand is we live in a world that is designed for people who are nothing like us. 

Your anxiety is perfectly normal and ok for an autistic person. I re read texts and emails like 20 times after Ive sent them and get so anxious about it. 

If you can create your own little world that works for you and that you can retreat into then that will help. I have my few trusted helpers and no interest in what the rest of the world wants to do. i retreat into my little world of feeding the ducks, listening to Schlager music and going out in to the countryside. 

I am also working on finding a job I can do from home, like writing. Maybe there is a skill you could use to work from home?

Basically what Im trying to say is dont think your a failure or give up just cos you dont fit into their world.

Welcome home, Abi!

I lost all enthusiasm for my degree during final year. Then I was stuck in a myriad of unemployment, dead-end jobs and voluntary work. I'm only financially stable because of my family's tireless work.

I find that study is too overloading; for me. With hindsight, I should have learned a trade.