colleagues

I think that it often feels as though it's only you, particularly if you're in an office where everyone else seems to be in on all the jokes and coping effortlessly with the social aspects of work.  I do however remember a couple of occasions when I bumped into others who also seemed to be using the toilets as a refuge.  And I once bumped into someone from HR who'd obviously been bawling her eyes out for some time, sitting in an out the of the way corner.  

So many of my experiences made me very guarded about what I chose to share at work, as if I would be handing them ammunition that could be used against me on future occasions.  Wish I'd felt able to walk away sooner.  

Its so comforting to know other people do it too. I dont really have the time too in my current job but i wish I could. I used to do it loads in my other jobs 

I used to do this too. Not got the same need to hide now but who knows, maybe I'll have another job in the future that strikes fear in me!

Oh my goodness, I have spent hours hiding in the toilets at work! I used to do it all the time. I thought it was just me. Its such a comfort to know other people do it too

Ah, the memories of hiding in the toilet.  I did this at some workplaces a LOT and it felt like the only way of getting by.  Well that and occasional sick leave.  

Years later I felt really upset to learn that our son had been doing the same at college but hadn't told us.  It was one of the things that might have led to an earlier diagnosis, well, if services were at all clued up anyway.  

Mind you, I hadn't mentioned to my son that I used to hide in the toilets too.  Or feign illness.  Even years later I was automatically hiding such things from my family, not just colleagues.  At work I knew that my extreme anxiety wouldn't be understood, I wouldn't get any empathy and i knew I was in the company of people who only considered physical illnesses to be real.  But the habit of hiding my issues carried over into the rest of my life.  

At least you don't have to invent excuses to not go. Or go and then have to spend most of the time hiding in the toilet. Or is that just me?

Today I had a nice conversation at work with my colleague and my first thought was “we talked, it was nice, we had a nice time, which means we’ve bonded, which means we’re friends now”.

I needed to remind myself that it’s not true. That we’re not friends just because we had a conversation. 

I think I used to be quite naive and consider some of them to be genuine friendships.  But no.  Given that I was constantly masking and also that, with every reorganisation we were pitted against each other for a reduced number of jobs, the circumstances weren't really conducive. 

I generally find office environments to be too anxiety inducing and judgemental (almost as if I'm on trial all the time).  I feel as though I'm allergic to the corporate culture, which drastically reduces the chances of fitting in and making friends. 

You don't have to be the same age to consider someone a friend. I'm 32 and many of my friends are in their 50s, older than my mum! Some even older as I'm a knitter so my social group tends to be older women who appreciate the hobby and have knitted for many many years! 

My colleagues are just that. Colleagues. I don’t ever call them friends. Even the few that I do actually  like being around. I don’t know what constitutes a friendship anyway until it’s pointed out to me.

In all my jobs, sometimes I was invited, sometimes I wasn’t, I did question why sometimes, and other times I felt like I should be invited, then realised I was at a different life stage to them, and why would they want someone my age around them? I hadn’t realised initially, because I look, and feel very young inside. My difficulties make me feel like I haven’t experienced life properly, or as much as is usual for someone my age (48).

I wasn't cut for the Office-Party types. Besides, I was too attached to the TV and the Computer.

I've been in a similar position, where I thought I was really good friends with my colleagues and then I found out I wasn't invited to things with the group outside work. I try to brush it off but even if you don't want to go to something, it's still nice to at least be invited. 

I've had a few people at work state "you're a good friend" when I've seen them as good colleagues and no more. I don't understand casual friendship either.

I can relate to this so much. I work in education so have always had lots of co workers but have found it so difficult to make friends. Its so hard to know when to join in converstaions and when to say the right thing

Not to put you off but ive found it dangerous to get to close to co workers. If you fall out with them you still have to see them every day, that has happened to me alot

Maybe try to make friends online in places like this, i have found that a lot easier 

In my brain, i only have acquaintances and best friends. i dont really understand the notion of casual friends. you're either very close to me, or i dont think about you at all hahah

The problem is at what point acquaintances become friends- lite and from what point they can be considered real friends.

I used to quite enjoy the drinking culture when I worked in an office. It let me get to know people that I would never have voluntarily initiated contact with.

Yes - most were "friends-lite", but that suited me well - a great sense of camaraderie, but without the inevitable NT demands of real friends (or at least it was easy for me to say 'no' to social activities with them outside of after-work drinks and the work Christmas function).

Over the years a (very) few of the friends-lite became friends proper. I might even call them again one day if I ever get out of Defense Mode.

Agree. Same with managers. I hate overly-friendly managers.

You're not my friend, you're my manager.

I have a very strict line on who I call a friend. I have one friend at work, she is my age and we hang out outside of work.

Other than her I wouldn't call any of them friends, merely acquaintances that I happen to have to see every day. 

Coworkers, or is it cow-orkers, perhaps that's a more accurate description, whatever the word means, are not your friends.  They are a group of people thrown together by circumstances beyond your control.