I tried to keep it short... but failed

Christmas bonus......what's that?

The only job I've ever been in that gave anything away at Christmas, apart from providing a Christmas party, was one employer who gave a bottle of Scotch.

I think very few of us know what a Christmas bonus is.....

@ Paull – lol, I’ve just remembered, there were things outside of work that I wasn’t invited to too.  Not Christmas parties but other get togethers of some work colleagues on a social level, I’ve seen photos of two things of everyone having a good time and wondered why I didn’t get an invite.  It’s quite possible I wouldn’t have wanted to have gone but that’s not the point.

Found out if I got a Christmas bonus or not now… instead of the £900 that I’ve had for the last 13 years, this year I’ve only got £350.  No idea what everyone else got, I’ll never know or would just get lied to anyway.

I wasn’t even let off work early this last day before Christmas.  We always leave at midday and head off to the pub together but today I had to stick to my hours to 4pm as usual whilst everyone headed off to the annual booze up at the local pub at their finishing hour of 1.30pm.  I’m so exhausted with battling at work that I didn’t even ask why there’s a change this year.  & this is the first year I’ve given the pub at Christmas a miss.  The whole work situation and being around people who hate me is just too depressing.

@ Intense World – I sort of feel like that too.  I think perhaps I should have jumped a while ago when things were extremely heated and tried for constructive dismissal or something like that just so that they didn’t get away with it.

@ Paull – That is low and really hurtful.  Shocking.  Although it would be a blessing to me in a way as I hate the things, lol. 

I worked for a company for about 5 years and they had christmas parties without even inviting me, everyone else went but I never even got asked. I knew because I heard people talking about it. People at work are so cruel

It didn't occur to me in the midst of my stress.  I think I just wanted out as it was really affecting my health.  I do regret that they got away with it though, but it was me against the machine.  A bit like how society is generally for us really.  Hope you  get a useful consultation.

Sounds a bit similar to me with all the lying and plotting.  It sucks that some people lack morals and are nasty like that.  Did you never think about constructive dismissal or making a stand to try and change things at your work or could you not handle it?

I might look into a free consultation then.  Cheers.

I initially went on stress leave, which lasted several months.  The personnel department rang me and were really nasty and despite the state I was in (shaking with stress) they forced me to go in to see them for a meeting.  I took a union rep with me (I wasn't a member but they were still helpful) and I barely said anything at the meeting.  I sat there holding a paper cup of water which was trembling.  After that they said they could see I was in a state, but despite me having put a lot of things in writing, they clearly thought I was pulling a fast one (or wanted to try to make it look that way).

My boss had sabotaged my work (it was work only he and I had access to and I worked part-time so he had plenty of opportunity), refused to let me do flexi-time despite it being allowed by the organisation, and then called meetings deliberately when he knew I wouldn't be in yet.  There were snide comments made in my presence, they took me on knowing I could only work part-time and this was the contract and what the job had been advertised at and then pressured me to go full-time.  I had a total character assassination face-to-face from my boss, and when his boss had come in drunk and verbally slated me I had gone upset to someone else higher up, who squeezed out of me what was wrong and then at a subsequent meeting had lied and denied that I'd reported his drunkenness and basically pretended they knew nothing about it.  I couldn't believe it.

They were all as crooked as anything, syphoning money off to buy personal things etc. and because I was honest (as most Aspies are) I think I didn't fit in and they probably felt I was a threat to what they were doing and wanted me out.  I also think someone else that would play their games wanted my job, and there was someone who pretended to be my friend (which at the time I believed) to stir things up.

I decided to hand in my notice in the end because I could see no way back.  It was a small department and it would have been difficult to redeploy me.

Back to you, can you not get a free half hour legal advice from a solicitor?  They usually offer stuff like that.  You can also probably get initial online consultations.

Thanks for taking the time to read all my stuff IntenseWorld.

The Citizens Advice Bureau aren’t any help, they’ve said that my problems are beyond what they deal with and referred me to a law centre but trying to get through to them is near impossible.  Plus whilst I’m at work I can’t try getting through to them anyway.  Suppose I could see what ACAS think, their phonelines are open in the early evening.

I’m not sure if trying for constructive dismissal is the way to go though, I’ve heard it’s very hard to prove and it’s stupid money to get a case going.  I think over £1200 and that’s before lawyer fees, if I lost I’d be well out of pocket and even more bitter about everything.

What happened with your job then?  Did you just leave?

Think I’ll write another letter to my work then but will leave it until after Christmas.  Cheers.

It definitely sounds as if they pushed you, maybe expecting you to raise a grievance.  That then gave them the ammunition to go hell for leather with it all.

Firstly I would say, most definitely write a letter politely enquiring to the personnel department/boss of your boss when you can expect x,y,z as they were supposed to be by [dates for each] and are not yet in place.

I would go to CAB and ask them if you can get free legal help.  Even if you do end up leaving, that is constructive dismissal and I am appalled by what you describe.  I have suffered similar treatment in a job before so I know how it feels.  So ultimately you need legal advice whether you stay or leave and if you do leave through constructive dismissal you could claim compensation.

Hope it works out.

Has anyone got a spare half hour to guide me on my work situation please?

Here’s an update of events since I was last posting here in March: -

My boss refused to let me have all of my holiday entitlement and in May I eventually plucked up the courage and drew my sword and raised a formal grievance.  By doing so it was like a volcano at work erupting.  My boss drew his sword and treated me unfairly and appallingly.

I took an advocate from a disability inclusion group with me to the first grievance meeting but neither her or I were allowed to speak properly as my boss wouldn’t let us so it got postponed for another date.  Contact with my advocates was made as hard as possible, phonecalls from them to me weren’t put through to me, making out-going calls got banned, arranging convenient dates and times for meetings was made as hard as possible throughout everything.  At one point my boss even cut off the internet so that I couldn’t email my advocate and laughed in my face when I told him it’s a reasonable adjustment to let me contact them.

At the second meeting my advocate had to leave after an hour and I did four hours on my own.  It wasn’t me airing my grievances, it was like an interrogation and me having to defend myself.  I wasn’t allowed to go through a log of bullying events that I had with me, I was basically just answering the boss’ questions and responding to his own allegations and views about circumstances.  He lied about several things and I was responding to his lies.

In July the outcome of the grievance was basically that nothing I’ve said can be substantiated, my allegations were denied, brushed over and was told that we want to move forward on a more happier note.  The next working day I was put on a disciplinary so feeling boxed in I appealed the grievance.

It was around this time when I was sent to Occupational Health for a report on my Aspergers and back complaint that my boss denied ever hearing about previously.  A similar report from my GP was sent and also a report from the autism/aspergers psychologist who I’m currently seeing.  The appeal hearing was postponed until 30th September (which seemed like an eternity) due to waiting for the final report and my boss stringing it all out making my life as hellish as possible in the meantime.

The stress for months was unbelievable and I got so much flack from my boss and other employees.  My boss was threatening to reduce our hours or insinuating he’d shut down the whole company because he’d had enough of it all which therefore made other people resentful towards me.  My boss was totally engrossed in the whole thing and was doing everything within his power to give me grief and he was obsessed with his legal advice, letters and sl*gging me off to other people in front of me and behind my back.  The office was a war zone and I ended up with a file an inch thick of paperwork backwards and forwards.  In it my boss said so many contradictory things and lies but I battled on and responded to his letters as I’m quite good at writing letters.  My version of events remained consistent throughout and plausible, whereas he got himself confused with his own lies and contradictions and stated a lot of things that made no sense.  Because my grievances were mainly centered around my boss, he was advised to not give the grievance and disciplinary outcomes himself.  Instead they were signed by other members of staff but I 100% believe he compiled them, there isn’t a doubt in my mind.  I also got letters from other members of staff but again I believe these were from him.  For my disciplinary there was a witness statement which again from the wording in it I believe he compiled.  Basically he used every dirty trick he could to intimidate and be mean towards me and abused his position of power.  He gave lots of memos stating new rules which were basically aimed at me and handed me them looking as pleased as punch, along with an unjustified (in my opinion) ‘letter of concern’ about my performance at work.

On 11th October I got the appeal outcome.  I’d gone to the appeal meeting with an advocate from a different group, this time a learning difficulties group as the disability inclusion advocates backed out I think due to the way they were treated and the fact that they were out of their depth.  The new advocate did a great job and the appeal meeting was taken by a member of staff that was trying to get both sides to compromise and get on again.  The outcome letter was again compiled by my boss I think but for each pointer of my grievances they were mainly the view of this other member of staff.  But the long outcome letter did contain more lies and denials and contradictions yet again, I know it wasn’t written by the member of staff who should have been writing it.

It was around this time when I let the dust settle and decided to take a back foot and just see how things pan out as I got what I wanted from most of my grievance pointers which are as follows: -

One thing I’d battled for for months was getting aspergers awareness training at work.  Eventually it took place on 15th November.  I can’t say it did much good, staff that were hostile towards me and blaming me for everyone nearly loosing their jobs are still prickly with me and we still don’t speak.  & I’m ignored by most people, there’s only a couple of work mates who are willing to strike up conversation with me.  In fact everything is just the same now as it was immediately prior to the training.

Earlier this year a bolt was put on the canteen door and I got locked out at dinnertime.  I had raised that as a grievance but after complaining about it I was banned from using the canteen by my boss.  The appeal outcome revoked that and I use the canteen again although I don’t feel welcome there.  Only one member of staff that uses the canteen will engage in conversation with me, if he’s not there I enter, have my dinner and leave without speaking a word.

In my grievance I complained about an assault on me a couple of years back but the outcome brushed it off saying there were no witnesses so it can’t be taken further.  I suspect the employee who did it wasn’t even questioned over the incident.

To avoid confrontation with my boss a new communication procedure was put in place and now someone else will discipline me if I need it.  Since the outcome my boss has been trying to avoid direct conflict with me so that’s good.  Basically we hardly speak now.

I had asked for time to be able to self-teach myself on the new software package that I use, that was granted on 11th October but since then I haven’t been allocated any time at all.  However I almost had one day’s training by a specialist firm but I decided I wouldn’t do it due to my contract stating I’d be liable to pay back the costs if I leave within a year or get fired.

My advocate had put forward an anti-bullying policy which the outcome agreed would be adopted and distributed to all staff.  That hasn’t happened.  Also I had complained that the company’s emergency fire and evacuation plan was out-of-date and that was supposed to be getting updated and hasn’t been.  & July’s grievance outcome said they’d change the wording in my contract about holiday leave but they haven’t.

Also in July Occupational Health recommended I move desks due to my back complaint.  The appeal outcome said it would take place as soon as possible.  It’s mid December and I’m still at the same desk.  Also I know which desk I’d prefer to move to within my office but my boss has refused to let me sit there and wants me placed at a desk which I don’t want to be at.  This whole situation hacks me off greatly.  I had filled in a VDU workstation assessment in July stating some of the things that give me discomfort such as a noisy PC in the room, the lighting being too bright, lack of leg room, being uncomfy at my desk because my desk is the wrong shape, etc.  Also work knew I would prefer my office door shut due to all the noise and me finding it hard to concentrate but I’m not allowed it shut.  I find it hard to tolerate my environment every day, topped with the powerless frustration of it I often feel like I’m on the brink of just walking out.

In fairness though a new expensive orthopedic chair was purchased for me last week even though I had never really asked for a new chair.  Unfortunately though it feels uncomfy to sit in so after a good few days I put it to one side and reverted back to using my old one which has gone down like a lead balloon.  Everyone seems angry with me for that.  I’m not quite sure what to do about it and if I should use it again even though I feel uncomfy.  I’ve been almost in tears about it when using it and feel terrible because its supposed to be designed for people with bad backs but its been making my bad back worse and if I use the new foot rest that comes with it I have even less leg room than I had before.  Moving me to the desk I’d like would sort out the leg room problem but it won’t change the fact that the chair back feels uncomfy.  Another option is to get a cushion but I’m pretty much sure my old chair would be better than using the new orthopaedic chair with a cushion.

Another current issue is that I’m feeling demoralised because for 14 years I’ve been pretty much in charge of my own workload and deciding what priorities my work is to be done in but since the grievance appeal meeting it was decided by someone, I don’t know who, that to avoid conflict with my boss that another member of staff from another department would be put in charge of organising my work.  I was told it was on a temporary basis but now this person is thriving on the responsibility, has taken over and now I feel like I’ve been demoted and her promoted.  I’m not allowed contact with anyone about my workload, any requests for work or discussions have to be run past her, no one is allowed to speak to me or email me directly, everything has to go to her and then she gives me my orders.  She’s constantly fussing over me asking me how I’m getting along and if something isn’t done at the time I roughly thought it would be done, I have to answer to her as to why.  I’m perfectly capable of running my own department and I haven’t done anything wrong work-wise to have that responsibility taken away from me.  Feeling like I’m the office junior after all these years frustrates me.

Incidentally it’s coming up to Christmas and I fear that this year will be my first without a bonus or less of a bonus.  For the last 13 years I’ve had £900 each Christmas but I really can’t see me getting that after this horrendous last year.

My medical reports say that with the right support there’s no reason why I can’t continue doing my job but I feel I have no one suitable around to vent to and offer support.  In the grievance appeal outcome it says that once a week I’d meet up with the person who took the appeal meeting who acted like a mediator at the time, to discuss work issues but we haven’t met up once.  It seems like he’s done his part and is now uninterested in how things are getting on, I no longer feel comfortable or confident in approaching him to discuss current issues with him.  Also he’s often out of the office and can be gone for a full week or more.

I’m not sure what the future holds, if I can tolerate working there for years more as things are.  If I should battle on trying to enforce things flaming the situation more.  Whether I should call it a day and be jobless.  I don’t know what’s best for me.

Hi JennyJane,

Welcome to the NAS Community and sorry to read about your situation at work. 

You've come to the right place - as autismtwo and ocean have done above, here is a place you'll receive support from peers that may have similar experiences.

In this instance, I would suggest giving our Helpline a call. It's free and confidential and our team will be able to speak with you in a bit more detail about your specific situation while being able to offer advice on your options. They are available Mon-Fri between 10am and 4pm on 0808 800 4104.

Best wishes,

Mike, NAS

Phew !

Issues

Colleagues: gossip is third party conversation, one of the lowest forms of mind normally centred around drama or jealousy. Sad people with sad lifes. Brings social isolation to one person but social comradeship to others, you normally find that it with bored tasks(with a job) or simple people(low IQ) who do gossip.

Bosses personality:  He is emotional is jumping over his rational mind, HIS PROBLEMS therefore are deep sitted within him. Aggressive(shouting) and passive control(signs) he is a bully.

Rules: Controlling the minor breaks down free volition of people and treats people like children at a nursery school and he is the master.

Relationship: One sided, I'm the boss ! the fact you keep calling him the boss ! he has have the problem, there is no respect in the relationship with others.

Sorry there is no real solution here(people do not change), it will just take up your emotional energy and stress you long-term.

1.) So, I would suggest a doctors letter stating the stressful environment is causing you stress(aspergers) after taking a few weeks off for rest.

2.) Go back when your are rested and ask for part-time work, that way you are still working and have savings to support you and use the freetime to find another job or explore freelance route with assistance. YOU BECOME THE BOSS of your own life again, but the familiar is still there in the background. 

3.) If the boss says NO to part-time ! do a collection data process by taking a daily bully diary and tape the boss(super-ego)  when he is ranting over the next few months and then speak to a solicator about a case of constructive dismissal, via discrimination and equality act.

You have nothing to lose, fight fire with fire. This is going to sound terrible, but the only way to deal with bullies is to walk away or challenge them with there own social destruction by third party investigation.

You are being bullied at work and discriminated against.  That is illegal.
Seek advice.  The Citizens Advice Bureux may be a good place to start.
Do you belong to a union? or any other body that can support you?
Definitly keep a journal of incidents, including dates and times.
Write down everything you can remember that was said and tape record things if you can.
Remember: this is not your fault and employment law is on your side.

Good luck!