Is he being naughty or just being himself?

Thank you  

Thank you  

A visual que or timer with a particular picture or sound to show him finish what you're doing and get ready for dinner then a it's dinner time.

you could look at an app of some type to install on the ipad to countdown for him or a separate timer you start when you give him the ipad, make sure you clearly explain what it's for and what each picture or sound means before he starts using the ipad.

once the first timer goes off remind him what it means (dinner's ready soon finish what you are doing)

once the 2nd timer goes off remind him ok it's dinner time now put the ipad away.

Give him a couple of minutes to put it away, if he's not putting it away a 3rd timer will go off and you put the ipad somewhere near the table that he can see but not reach saying he can have it back after dinner. The longer he takes to have dinner is the longer he has without it.

Now the hard part,. leave him to come to dinner. If he wants the ipad he has to come to the table as that's where it is.

Up to you but if you have something you can replace the ipad with that he can take to dinner he may respond to that.

Heat up the dinner if you have to, it will take time for him to learn the pattern.

Don't get angry at him as it will just make him associate dinner with anger, you want him to associate it with positive emotions; always be happy that he's come to join you at dinner.

when he does happily put the ipad away and go to dinner provide a reward of some type, even just a small yay well done I'm proud of you so something small he likes would do.

He may not completely get it at first, but just reinforce daily this is what this picture or sound means and he will understand. He's a very intelligent boy and will most likely understand more than you realize, he just struggles to express it in the same way that most other people express things(it's kind of like he speaks a different language).

Routine's, visual & audio ques and timers should help. You need to express things in a way friendly to how he sees them.

NAS75794 said:

He still doesn’t move saying he can’t and gets frustrated, angry and upset.

It sounds as if you are an excellent parent, and your son is lucky to have you. There is absolutely no need for him to have his iPad at the dinner table unless you are all using it in relation to the food you are preparing/eating, and you are perfectly right to set these boundaries. Do not falter, remain clear and consistent about these rules.  It has to be the same every day and under all circumstances without exceptions.  What you say has to be consistent and should not change or else he will learn that tantrums are effective in getting his own way. As an adult, he will benefit enormously from the stability and clarity of following house rules as a child. 

I would look into confiscating the iPad before the meal is ready so that it is not such an abrupt transition. You might also want to decorate the table with something interesting for him and everyone else.

You could also use the iPad yourself at the table to allow everyone to watch videos of the food you are all eating, or to watch a video of food being prepared. It can then be a teaching moment that the whole family can participate in. You might also turn it into an opportunity for a family quiz.

NAS75794 said:

I know that I would eventually be able to coax him to the dinning table but the time it would take would mean the food was cold.

This happened to me as a child. I was absolutely absorbed in what I was doing (playing with action figures). It only took a few times faced with cold food and on some occasions no food to learn that if I wanted to eat, I had to stop what I was doing and come to the table. I may have rushed my food to begin with, but eventually, I started to get used to the routine of being at the table and eating. Autistic children (and adults) need much firmer rules, and much stricter routines otherwise they can quickly adopt chaotic lifestyles. As children, they will pick up bad habits that will affect them in later life.  A routine is essential for them, and they will appreciate the routine once it has been established.

As an adult, I try to make mealtimes as interesting as possible. I try new food, or decorate my plate. Buy new plates, use new cutlery. Anything that makes it more interesting than simply eating. I am still prone to rushing my food because eating gets in the way of other things. But, by making it as interesting as possible, it keeps my attention.

Can he tell the time? If he can’t he may not understand how long you mean when you say 10 minutes. My daughter certainly has no idea (although she’s only 4) I’m not very good at estimating how much time has passed unless I have a clock to watch or a timer set although I do know how long those periods of time are supposed to be, sometimes they feel like they pass slower or faster. Sometimes I forget that time exists altogether which can make work fun… also have you looked at PDA traits maybe some of those fit his behaviour?

I'd say it's part of being autistic, but also about being 6. I'd give up on the countdown till he's older. I'd use the microwave to heat up the cold food. I'd give up on him eating at the same time as you.

For the everyday activities, I wonder if though he may be six years old, but maybe his behaviour is developing at a different pace to his peers. He will get there. 

All of the above is easy for me to say. I hope that things get easier for you over time.

You might let him only use the iPad at the table, rather than elsewhere, before the meal. Then he is at least in the right place. Getting him to stop when the food is served might then be slightly easier, because the food will be actual, rather than just a concept that is out of sight in another room.